Void

Here's a question for those of you who have been sober for some time.

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes the stress it throws at us can be very severe: losing a job, death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, and so forth.

I'm wondering, what's the biggest turmoil you have had to deal with since getting sober and how did you deal with it without reverting to the 'crutch' of alcohol?

Please reply only if you feel comfortable. I don't want to upset anyone of course.

Thanks

Lightning Bug

Good question - I look forward to reading the replies and strengthening my own recovery program by listening to stories of success. Thanks for posting!

Belier

For me I am lucky so far that I have not had any but I am confident in my commitment to not drinking and I know without a doubt it would only make things much worse.

I must say though honestly I created a lot more turmoil when I was drinking.

MIRecovery

The death of my daughter. Many things helped and help because the nightmare is no where near over but here are a few. Taking alcohol off the table as an option, living a day at a time, knowing things would get better, a support system of sober friends, God, AA, professional help, SR, a support group for people that have lost children,

Once alcohol is not an option you are forced to seek other alternatives

sugarbear1

I've lived through all of those sober so far, plus some other things. I use the 12 steps of AA to get through them. I haven't picked up a drink yet in 5 years. Did I mention I lost my mom on my 5 year anniversary?

Bird615

On the night I found out my father had died, and again a year later when my sister was killed, I was in an AA meeting. I knew how vulnerable I was then and that was the safest place for me. I also had a few good friends (in and out of AA) who were there to support me each time. I later survived a bad 6-year relationship with a drinking alcoholic without drinking myself.

Those things: AA, friends and living the program including having had the time to have built a spiritual foundation in which I had something to believe in helped me get through some of those worst times of my life. I was learning to "accept life on life's terms".

I only relapsed when I let go of those supports including acceptance and tried doing it all on my own will and my own power.

Jim1958

I almost drank when I found out my company was discontinuing the pension plan. The plan I was counting on, and suddenly it is going away. I will get something, but not what I was expecting. I am older and have stayed with the company during many years of no or little raises. Always, it was the pension. At least I was adding to that. Suddenly, it was announced this was the last year. After this year, employees will fund their own retirement with a 401k style plan they are putting in. They may offer a small match, or no match at all. I was so upset after the meeting when they announced these changes I almost drank. I instead vented to others on the phone and did some exercise. After a few days, when the shock wore off, I was glad I made it and did not resort to alcohol to cope.

Lightning Bug

I am so sorry for everyone who lost a loved one. Hugs.

thomas11

I had a double whammy, I was basically physically disabled from the waste down for 3+ months and it forced me to sell my business that I had owned for 13 years. So, not only did I bang myself up physically, but the very thing that put food on the table and a roof over my head had to be given up. And yes, I cried. The whole thing actually helped me get sober.

August252015

Thank you for sharing, everyone. I was just having a version of this conversation- how to get through the really bad stuff sober- with my sponsor then with my boyfriend, yesterday. She said that her best bet is listening to others tell how they dealt with trauma - listening for the specifics. Which are typically reminders of our very basic program strategies. My boyfriend and I are both 40 and our parents are in their 70s, plus I have a brother and he has children, so losing loved ones and fear of others being hurt and such is a big one on our future horizon.

I often say that I am working such a hard AA program to "shore up" as much information, new tools for living, self-knowledge, faith, everything for the difficulties to come (as well as for the f*ck its I have heard come after years of sobriety, a la, well it's ok just this (special) time etc!).

cairn

One day i had to go to the scrapyard without beer?? Felt like a deer in the headlights....how do you pull parts at a scrapyard without beer??

After i left, it occured to me i hadn't wanted a beer at all. It didn't even occur to me.

Then i had to camp and fish without beer.

Soberwolf

Baring in mind an alcoholic doesn't need a reason to drink I have had my fair share of deaths in sobriety & that has made some days a lot harder than others I'm only 3 years sober but in that time I have lost many friends & family alike the way I deal with it or try to process it is what gets me through I come here I let my friends know I'm not ok if I'm not - just hearing from someone that it's going to be alright has helped

At the start of my 3rd year a few weeks backs I have organised some counselling to help me more with processing it all

No matter what though drinking will never solve the problem it wouldn't be able to dull my pain anyway just exacerbate it further

cairn

One day i had to go to the scrapyard without beer?? Felt like a deer in the headlights....how do you pull parts at a scrapyard without beer??

After i left, it occured to me i hadn't wanted a beer at all. It didn't even occur to me.

Then i had to camp and fish without beer. I didn't even wish i had any. Knew where all the parts of the reel were in the morning, even caught a trout big enough to feed five of us. Remembered everything and had a good time.

Thanks for the topic. Wonder how all them refugees and starving venezuelans are getting by? So many cannot manage sobriety because of terrible things that happened even decades ago! Like the roman catholic church and other life sagas! It's so hard

doggonecarl

I drank daily, for 35 years. Very little of that was through turmoil. So when I quit the challenge wasn't getting through a tragedy, it was getting through an average day without alcohol. Once I had accomplished that, I was better prepared for the bad days.

As for getting through turmoil sober, how do I cope? Who says I cope? I don't drink. That's not the same as coping, is it? Some tragedies have to be suffered through.

FreeOwl

nearly losing my job.... including 5 months of job searching with no leads while being increasingly convinced I was going to be out of work with zero savings.

constantly having to go back to court and deal with my ex over highly stressful custody matters.

deaths in the family and of friends.

close to $12,000.00 in back taxes and IRS dealings.

Day-to-day stressors of raising three children and two dogs while holding down a career and a relationship.

Several bouts of physical pain - that previously I'd have drunk / drugged away.

(All of it wound up being far, far easier to deal with sober)

tomsteve

for me it isnt the big things in life that happen that the thouht of drinking comes up.
13 months in i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma.
i dont recall ever thinkin about drinking as a solution through the next 3 years of fighting.

but break a shoelace!?!?!?!?!?

one thing that got me through that fight was what your sponsor said: listening to others share how they got THROUGH.
then doing what they did.