Right where Im meant to be
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Right where Im meant to be
I had an aha moment this morning as I'm rushing about cleaning before I go to work, I'm happy and I'm right where I'm meant to be. I'm exhausted working two jobs but I love my 2nd job and it's only casual but it's what I need to do right now to sort out my finances. It's difficult but I get on so well with the other staff and when it's quiet it's a good laugh and it kind of feels a bit more social able. I know that parts not good that my job gives me more of a social aspect but it's also increasing my confidence in myself somehow.
My main job I'm not overly happy at but again it's where I'm meant to be for now. A year before stbxah left I took this position, more money higher position but it meant leaving a job and a team I loved but it was also a job that was a lot of crisis and after hours working. Had I been in that job when stbxah I wouldn't have been home a lot for my kids. Yes my current job has crisis but not as many and I can bring work home so I'm here more than I was, so I was meant to take that position and when the time to move comes the right position will make itself available.
I was thinking about remortgaging to try and clear all my debts but couldn't get what I needed to clear everything. The mortgage guy was saying but you'll be able to clear a lot of it. I thought about it and felt very uneasy yes I'd clear a lot of debt but it would cost me more in the long run and although it was a good rate for 2 years the rate after that wasn't. The guy said but you can remortgage after 2 years but I don't want to do that every 2 years. So I decided not to pursue it, yes it will be a struggle still but my mortgage is coming down and in 15 years I will own my home outright and the payments are manageable. Once I made the decision I knew it was the right one as my anxiety and uncertainty went.
Ok so my life seems all about work and kids but I'm content, the kids don't need me as much as if they were younger but they still need me about.
Although I'm not going to counselling due to finances I'm managing my moods well and letting go of things more I'm even exercising a few times a week.
I had a big argument with dd the other night and yes I'm annoyed with myself for losing my temper I'm not allowing myself to be ate up with guilt. I managed the situation wrong but I can't do anything about it now I just need to try and manage it better next time.
I have no idea what my stbxah is up to and I don't care my life is so much happier without him.
I don't want another relationship because I can't be bothered with the hassle I don't want to make room in my life for someone I'm happy on my own and my life is good right now busy but good.
So just thought I'd post something good going on rather than the dramas usually going on! 2 1/2 years free and I'm good
My main job I'm not overly happy at but again it's where I'm meant to be for now. A year before stbxah left I took this position, more money higher position but it meant leaving a job and a team I loved but it was also a job that was a lot of crisis and after hours working. Had I been in that job when stbxah I wouldn't have been home a lot for my kids. Yes my current job has crisis but not as many and I can bring work home so I'm here more than I was, so I was meant to take that position and when the time to move comes the right position will make itself available.
I was thinking about remortgaging to try and clear all my debts but couldn't get what I needed to clear everything. The mortgage guy was saying but you'll be able to clear a lot of it. I thought about it and felt very uneasy yes I'd clear a lot of debt but it would cost me more in the long run and although it was a good rate for 2 years the rate after that wasn't. The guy said but you can remortgage after 2 years but I don't want to do that every 2 years. So I decided not to pursue it, yes it will be a struggle still but my mortgage is coming down and in 15 years I will own my home outright and the payments are manageable. Once I made the decision I knew it was the right one as my anxiety and uncertainty went.
Ok so my life seems all about work and kids but I'm content, the kids don't need me as much as if they were younger but they still need me about.
Although I'm not going to counselling due to finances I'm managing my moods well and letting go of things more I'm even exercising a few times a week.
I had a big argument with dd the other night and yes I'm annoyed with myself for losing my temper I'm not allowing myself to be ate up with guilt. I managed the situation wrong but I can't do anything about it now I just need to try and manage it better next time.
I have no idea what my stbxah is up to and I don't care my life is so much happier without him.
I don't want another relationship because I can't be bothered with the hassle I don't want to make room in my life for someone I'm happy on my own and my life is good right now busy but good.
So just thought I'd post something good going on rather than the dramas usually going on! 2 1/2 years free and I'm good
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Butterfly, I am so happy for you. You sound so at peace. Pat yourself on the back for all the hard work you have put into your recovery. Working two jobs and don't mind it. You made my day, my friend!! I hope you have another awesome day tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Good on you, Butterfly! That's great to hear.
I always seem to end up right where I'm meant to be, though I cannot always say how it came about....?
What I mean is ... sometimes in life I have myself ending up doing what I thought, I'd never do. Doing even what I SWORE I'd never do. Being where I'd thought I'd never be ... and maybe even realizing it's gonna be okay. I am finding great strength these days is just learning to be a little softer, less defensive, with my back up and letting others take care of me and/or help me in the best way they can. That's hard for me to do, so it's a work in progress.
I always seem to end up right where I'm meant to be, though I cannot always say how it came about....?
What I mean is ... sometimes in life I have myself ending up doing what I thought, I'd never do. Doing even what I SWORE I'd never do. Being where I'd thought I'd never be ... and maybe even realizing it's gonna be okay. I am finding great strength these days is just learning to be a little softer, less defensive, with my back up and letting others take care of me and/or help me in the best way they can. That's hard for me to do, so it's a work in progress.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I know what you mean teetree about not knowing how you get somewhere but you do. I feel the same and it's all the wee things, being more gentle with yourself, not talking negatively to yourself, and not beating yourself up for every mistake. I'm trying to learn from things in a more positive way and not focus on the negative yes I find I may still obsess about a situation but I am trying to ease up a bit and let things go that I have no control over.
Nothing major has happened in my life to feel good but little things have and I am content where I am.
Thank you everyone
Nothing major has happened in my life to feel good but little things have and I am content where I am.
Thank you everyone
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