Day 10 and some new perspectives
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Day 10 and some new perspectives
Hi all. The number of cycles that it took me to reach day 10 is...large. I have learnt a tremendous amount from the members of SR, so I thought I'd try to give back, whatever that is worth. Things I learnt that I didn't find here, misunderstood or are just plain exciting:
1. There is a huge difference between making a plan (Dee has some great posts) and actually working the plan. The number of times it took to remember that I even had a plan (stickies in the toilet, on every door on the house, sheesh!) was frightening.
2. Abstinence is the goal but for me counting chains of days sober is a great motivator. Lots of apps for that.
3. Related to the above, and a complete shock for me, is counting days relapsed. Relapsing on day 3 and going on a 30 day bender is completely different than relapsing on day 3 and for only one night. Keeping track of that was useful.
4. Connection! Lots of people talk about the importance of AA, something that I do not have access to. But some helpful members suggested some other ideas to connect. Connecting to real people other than drinking buddies has turned out to be important: they model for me what "normal" (non-drinking) behaviour is.
5. Managing low discomfort/frustration tolerance. Some suggest meds (useful). Others suggest mindfulness (useful). But the easiest thing once I got over my initial fear? Avoid the aggravating people/situations in the first place. As the story goes, I stopped falling in the hole. Hopefully soon I will just go another route.
6. Work out. Once I started proactively looking after my body it became oh so much harder to destroy it with poison.
7. Finally, changing my language and practicing that by talking out loud or writing in a journal. I am an alcoholic. I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol. Joe is my drinking buddy, not my friend. I am not a failure, I just made a mistake. I am not ashamed about myself and I do not need to hide, I just feel guilty about what I did and I will apologise and make amends. Etc.
Well, I hope that was of some use to some the people like me who are early in their journey.
KP
1. There is a huge difference between making a plan (Dee has some great posts) and actually working the plan. The number of times it took to remember that I even had a plan (stickies in the toilet, on every door on the house, sheesh!) was frightening.
2. Abstinence is the goal but for me counting chains of days sober is a great motivator. Lots of apps for that.
3. Related to the above, and a complete shock for me, is counting days relapsed. Relapsing on day 3 and going on a 30 day bender is completely different than relapsing on day 3 and for only one night. Keeping track of that was useful.
4. Connection! Lots of people talk about the importance of AA, something that I do not have access to. But some helpful members suggested some other ideas to connect. Connecting to real people other than drinking buddies has turned out to be important: they model for me what "normal" (non-drinking) behaviour is.
5. Managing low discomfort/frustration tolerance. Some suggest meds (useful). Others suggest mindfulness (useful). But the easiest thing once I got over my initial fear? Avoid the aggravating people/situations in the first place. As the story goes, I stopped falling in the hole. Hopefully soon I will just go another route.
6. Work out. Once I started proactively looking after my body it became oh so much harder to destroy it with poison.
7. Finally, changing my language and practicing that by talking out loud or writing in a journal. I am an alcoholic. I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol. Joe is my drinking buddy, not my friend. I am not a failure, I just made a mistake. I am not ashamed about myself and I do not need to hide, I just feel guilty about what I did and I will apologise and make amends. Etc.
Well, I hope that was of some use to some the people like me who are early in their journey.
KP
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on day 10 KP! That's a whole lot of solid advice and real world experience you've shared too, it will be helpful for newcomer's am old-timers alike. I hope you can make SR a part of your regular plan too, we can learn from you just as you can learn from us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Scott: Thanks! SR is indeed part of the plan, I just skipped writing about everything that was already well explained.
MadGirl: Here' what I do:
1. Work on my emotions, mostly using CBT with some meds from my psychiatrist. This means learning to recognise what I am feeling, understanding how that affects me and then learning how to change my thoughts and actions. This includes learning to self-soothe. This helped me break the automatic cycle (oh, I ended up with a drink in my hand without noticing). The actual tools where directed journalling (answering prepared questions), changing self-talk, a rational self-analysis, mindfulness and daily review of rational cards to turn irrational beliefs into rational beliefs. The tech I used to support me where Evernote for the self-analysis, various mindfulness articles/tracks/podcasts on websites, iTunes and Youtube (see what works for you) and Flashcard Hero for the core belief work. Goggle can help find these things if you are interested.
2. Emergency kit: A video I took the day after I drank, explaining how miserable I was; a video I took on a day 4 or 5 of abstinance explaining how great I felt; a letter doing the same thing with a table of AV excuses and rational answers to help fight cravings/urges and including my goals, hopes and dreams; a cost/benefit analysis; a list of accomplishments in life that I am very proud of and that drinking destroyed, harmed or otherwise spoiled.
3. Connection: develop deep relationships with new people. SR Forums, community service, hobbies. It helps give life meaning. Cut relationships with negative people and things (very hard for me, a lot of invested emotions).
4. Do new things all the time. Learn to do new things. Hobbies, art galleries, learning (academic, cooking, painting,...). Very hard for me to do, I'm what some might call an introvert (probably helped my slide into alcoholism). It helped me to slowly not turn to drink as the first resort. Then not as a second resort. I'm somewhere around not as a 5th resort on my way to never.
5. Track everything: days abstinence, days drinking, mood (anger scale, optimism scale, loneliness scale...), hunger, how often I have a meaningful connection, how often I do a rational analysis, how often I turned to my emergency kit before drinking. Plenty of good apps, including pen and paper. Review it weekly and monthly. This helps makes sure I execute a plan not just spend my time planning.
6. Reminders: I moved from stickies to a wonderful app called Alarmed to send multiple alarms through the day to remind me to do everything: review mood, run rational card, remind me to use the emergency kit if I am feeling cravings/urges, etc. Most of all, remind yourself that sobriety is your number one priority. Very hard for me.
7. One important thing: A few months ago I was on a 4 day cycle before I drank again for one night and started again. I used to feel terrible because total abstinence was my goal and I felt ashamed and bad. But then something shifted in my perception: That 4 day cycle meant drinking once or at most twice a week. My life was infinitely better than when I started, drinking every single day. It meant I had 4 or 5 clear days a week. That was heaven and I stopped feeling ashamed and started feeling like a winner. This helped me improve more.
That's it. It took a long time to get here and I'm only (now) reaching day 11, but it was worth it. Some things that clearly worked for others didn't work for me, so I had to experiment. I also had to build up slowly. Every time I tried to do everything at once I felt overwhelmed and I crashed.
Wow, that was long. I hope you find it useful.
Best,
KP
MadGirl: Here' what I do:
1. Work on my emotions, mostly using CBT with some meds from my psychiatrist. This means learning to recognise what I am feeling, understanding how that affects me and then learning how to change my thoughts and actions. This includes learning to self-soothe. This helped me break the automatic cycle (oh, I ended up with a drink in my hand without noticing). The actual tools where directed journalling (answering prepared questions), changing self-talk, a rational self-analysis, mindfulness and daily review of rational cards to turn irrational beliefs into rational beliefs. The tech I used to support me where Evernote for the self-analysis, various mindfulness articles/tracks/podcasts on websites, iTunes and Youtube (see what works for you) and Flashcard Hero for the core belief work. Goggle can help find these things if you are interested.
2. Emergency kit: A video I took the day after I drank, explaining how miserable I was; a video I took on a day 4 or 5 of abstinance explaining how great I felt; a letter doing the same thing with a table of AV excuses and rational answers to help fight cravings/urges and including my goals, hopes and dreams; a cost/benefit analysis; a list of accomplishments in life that I am very proud of and that drinking destroyed, harmed or otherwise spoiled.
3. Connection: develop deep relationships with new people. SR Forums, community service, hobbies. It helps give life meaning. Cut relationships with negative people and things (very hard for me, a lot of invested emotions).
4. Do new things all the time. Learn to do new things. Hobbies, art galleries, learning (academic, cooking, painting,...). Very hard for me to do, I'm what some might call an introvert (probably helped my slide into alcoholism). It helped me to slowly not turn to drink as the first resort. Then not as a second resort. I'm somewhere around not as a 5th resort on my way to never.
5. Track everything: days abstinence, days drinking, mood (anger scale, optimism scale, loneliness scale...), hunger, how often I have a meaningful connection, how often I do a rational analysis, how often I turned to my emergency kit before drinking. Plenty of good apps, including pen and paper. Review it weekly and monthly. This helps makes sure I execute a plan not just spend my time planning.
6. Reminders: I moved from stickies to a wonderful app called Alarmed to send multiple alarms through the day to remind me to do everything: review mood, run rational card, remind me to use the emergency kit if I am feeling cravings/urges, etc. Most of all, remind yourself that sobriety is your number one priority. Very hard for me.
7. One important thing: A few months ago I was on a 4 day cycle before I drank again for one night and started again. I used to feel terrible because total abstinence was my goal and I felt ashamed and bad. But then something shifted in my perception: That 4 day cycle meant drinking once or at most twice a week. My life was infinitely better than when I started, drinking every single day. It meant I had 4 or 5 clear days a week. That was heaven and I stopped feeling ashamed and started feeling like a winner. This helped me improve more.
That's it. It took a long time to get here and I'm only (now) reaching day 11, but it was worth it. Some things that clearly worked for others didn't work for me, so I had to experiment. I also had to build up slowly. Every time I tried to do everything at once I felt overwhelmed and I crashed.
Wow, that was long. I hope you find it useful.
Best,
KP
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
That sounds intense!
It will be four months for me on Saturday. I have been reading (just books, not addiction related), learning a new job, and getting tasks done (following up on things I used to dodge out of fear or being too sick to deal)
I want to connect in a group for real life interaction so thats next for me in terms of recovery. So far it has just been "today, I will not drink no matter what" although truth be told, some days now I dont feel any cravings and really WANT to do whatever I have planned INSTEAD of drinking
It will be four months for me on Saturday. I have been reading (just books, not addiction related), learning a new job, and getting tasks done (following up on things I used to dodge out of fear or being too sick to deal)
I want to connect in a group for real life interaction so thats next for me in terms of recovery. So far it has just been "today, I will not drink no matter what" although truth be told, some days now I dont feel any cravings and really WANT to do whatever I have planned INSTEAD of drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by madgirl 
That sounds intense!
It will be four months for me on Saturday. I have been reading (just books, not addiction related), learning a new job, and getting tasks done (following up on things I used to dodge out of fear or being too sick to deal)
I want to connect in a group for real life interaction so thats next for me in terms of recovery. So far it has just been "today, I will not drink no matter what" although truth be told, some days now I dont feel any cravings and really WANT to do whatever I have planned INSTEAD of drinking
It will be four months for me on Saturday. I have been reading (just books, not addiction related), learning a new job, and getting tasks done (following up on things I used to dodge out of fear or being too sick to deal)
I want to connect in a group for real life interaction so thats next for me in terms of recovery. So far it has just been "today, I will not drink no matter what" although truth be told, some days now I dont feel any cravings and really WANT to do whatever I have planned INSTEAD of drinking
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
