mrv99d

I recently posted about my time in a rehab facility that was not necessarily up to par but I think it helped and I'm going to begin doing outpatient through the same group. However my parents forced me to leave my apartment and move in with them for the time being and my dad is probably the biggest trigger to me in my life. He has drank everyday for the last 20 years of my life, never remember him not drinking around me and now I get to see him make a drunken fool out of himself every night. He's calling my alcohol counselor tonight to talk to him about this and I don't know what I can do to get out of here and back home where I belong. I am very worried.

SoberLife90

Do your parents pay your rent? I can understand why living with someone who drinks everyday would be a problem. If your parents don't pay your rent then explain to them the difficulties associated with living with someone who does drink. Best of luck!

mrv99d

They own the property so yeah they do pay rent in a sense, but I live with my sister there who is a doctor at a local hospital and does not drink. I have tried explaining to them, as has my counselor the danger of me living at home and yet no one really seems to care.

JD

It's sounds like living with your sister who is a doctor and doesn't drink would be the best place. I'm guessing your dad doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol though and your parents think they can best take care of you. Ugh, I don't envy you. Do they have a rational reason for you to stay there? (There really isn't one since you're an adult but I get the position you're in and you probably don't want to play that card).

mrv99d

It is according to them for "supervisory" reasons, which to me seems a complete waste as both of them work full-time which leaves me around the house all day. Of course he feels he has total control over it because its never impacted his work or relationships (despite the fact that hes hit my mother when drunk and his kids resent him). But we're going on a conference call with my counselor to discuss the matter right now. It seems crazy to me considering that I have drank in their house under their noses for years prior.

dwtbd

Was your detox/rehab stay voluntary? I don't quite understand , how can there be conditions to your having left the rehab?

mrv99d

Yes it was. I'm not entirely sure either. It seems to me in discussions with the employees and counselors that insuring the comfort and relaxation of people post treatment would create the best scenario.

dwtbd

So then there aren't any legal constraints on where you choose to live, it is more a matter of your personal circumstances that dictate the outcome?

mrv99d

Correct, no legal constraints. Its a matter of my parents not understanding that rehab and the recovery process is not punitive. I want to get better but them forcing their "help" on me feels incredibly risky.

Anna

I really don't understand. No one can force you to live somewhere that is unhealthy for you nor can they force their help on you. Why don't you leave and go and live in a safe environment with your sister? Maybe it's time for you to make some boundaries in your life to take care of you.

HeadingtoChange

Sometimes these difficulties can seem as impossible to manage, i feel for you coming from a not to dissimilar set up at home when younger. Living with a drunk really does change you and seemingly simple life decisions may prove difficult and need some guidance through counselling in the future. It is not such a simple matter of just leaving and standing on your own too feet when your conditioning from the environment you grew up in is that you would not be able to cope by yourself.

I hope the conference call goes well.

sugarbear1

Maybe if you had stayed at the rehab you and your parents would be able to come to an agreement. At this point, maybe just focus on your sobriety and leave the rest alone.

You didn't like the rehab and wanted out, you got it.
You wanted to get back to your apartment, you didn't get this. Your apartment is where you ended up after a night of drinking and a blackout.

Seems you are trying to dictate what is best for you. You are young. Maybe start listening to those who love you and just focus on healing.

Without sobriety, you may have nothing or no one around you.

You CAN do this!!

mrv99d

Thanks so much. The more I think read everyone's posts the more I think I understand why my dad (who is drinking wine in the kitchen right now) is so hard on me about my sobriety, I think he is living vicariously through me. He's relatively older at 65 and has been doing this daily routine where he drinks until he passes out and gets up to work for about 30 years. I don't necessarily agree with how he handles my discipline. But his heart is in the right place.

KarenOskie

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Until you find another answer, maybe you can go out to AA meetings every night and stay on the phone with sober friends a lot. Reading sobriety literature and listening to speakers on YouTube or other sites can help you get your mind out of the alcoholic environment and into sobriety, too.

sugarbear1

Xa-speakers.org

My dad drank like yours. He doesn't identify as an alcoholic. He doesn't attribute his drinking as a possible cause of his bladder or prostate cancer; he says it must be the sweet n low.....

I think he still drinks (currently having chemo and radiation).

It doesn't matter to me how others drink or not. For me, I know I can't drink. Prohibition didn't work. I need to live sober in a drinking world.

Keep your focus on recovery and healing. Sobriety is action; not words or thinking.

Journal
Meditate
Breathe well
Start learning to live sober

Have you considered AA meetings?

juppe

Your dad is in denial.

Berrybean

It doesn't matter about your dad or anyone else. YOUR job is YOUR recovery. There will always be other people we can compare ourselves to. Those comparisons are never helpful, as our AV always tries to twist them into a reason why we could, should, or need to drink.

The answer is getting well. Get well, then you can get a job, and then you can move out into a sober house if you want. But you need to get well soon. Your father's drinking can be turned to an advantage (do you want to live your life like him? No? Then don't pick up that first drink).

Poeple manage to get sober who have lost their home, and their families. So, unpleasant as it may be, it's not impossible.

I'd also suggest getting out to meetings as much as possible. Immerse yourself in recovery. Surround yourself (outside the house) with recovered people. Tap into their experience, strength and hope. You CAN do this. If you want it enough.

Wtbaf16

It's very unfortunate that you find yourself back home with a drunken father, particularly as you are faced with your own problems. If you really do have to be in the house around his drinking each evening, as well as AA meetings, I would pick up a healthy habit. Join a local gym and go there each evening. This can take a few hours. You'll meet new friends who are interested in a healthy life-style. They may invite you out for a drink but you can always say no or simply say you don't drink alcohol. Buy a bike and go for a long bike ride a couple of nights a week. Join a bike club or something similar. Train for a half-marathon. Anything that would redirect your focus would help tremendously. You could be in the best shape of your young life, both mentally and physically, in one year's time if you chose to be. Give it a try! What do you have to lose?

Good luck!