Donīt know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24
Donīt know what to do
Drank all weekend, even if I have my kids at my house. Feel terrible and have no idea how to move forward. Also going on vacation soon and have to make some kind of a plan as to how to stay sober. I feel completely hopeless and canīt stop thinking of the damage I have done to my kids and my health and that makes me want to drink which is really strange. I know my health and relationships with my kids will not improve if I keep drinking. Sometimes I feel like there is no point to stop drinking because I already made so many mistakes. It is all spiraling out of control, I keep making promises I donīt keep, I keep letting myself and my kids down. If I just could stay sober a few days I know that the bad thought usually go away a bit. The problem is that at the same time I feel in control and have a drink again. Feel completely hopeless, a sober life seems impossible even if that is what I need and want.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Not sure where you are, but is it night time? Can you pour out your drink, have a big glass of water and go to bed? Are the kids safe with you? I'm so sorry that you are feeling so frustrated and hopeless. You deserve better, and you can feel better too. I hope you can get some rest and be ready to start fresh again tomorrow. You can do this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24
It is morning, I am in northern Europe. I poured out all the drinks and as you cannot buy alcohol here on a Sunday I will be sober today. The kids are safe, however I was lucky nothing happened yesterday, they are quite big, 11 and 13 but one of them has a medical condition. I told them I was not feeling well, but I guess they know that I was drunk. Feel so ashamed, I hope by staying sober I can be a good mum and that they will forget the bad days. But maybe thats just stupid to imagine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
They might not forget the bad day, but I'm sure they will still be happy and relieved to get a sober mum, and getting well would make them proud.
Have you tried AA or similar? There are meetings in almost every country. I know a number of ladies in the fellowship whose children lives have changed dramatically for the better since they got sober and worked on their recovery. One mum had actually lost her children (they'd been taken away from her) and has recently been told that they will be returned to her soon.
Thing is, like you say, you need a plan. Otherwise the guilt and remorse will just lead you back to booze, as that's the only strategy that we arrive with.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
Have you tried AA or similar? There are meetings in almost every country. I know a number of ladies in the fellowship whose children lives have changed dramatically for the better since they got sober and worked on their recovery. One mum had actually lost her children (they'd been taken away from her) and has recently been told that they will be returned to her soon.
Thing is, like you say, you need a plan. Otherwise the guilt and remorse will just lead you back to booze, as that's the only strategy that we arrive with.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
The first thing to do is make an honest choice of sobriety.
The next thing to do is honor that choice by drinking no alcohold.
Then continue to honor that choice by taking actions which support your sobriety, and continuing to drink no alcohol.
Then repeat.
You can do it and your life will be far better for it.
The next thing to do is honor that choice by drinking no alcohold.
Then continue to honor that choice by taking actions which support your sobriety, and continuing to drink no alcohol.
Then repeat.
You can do it and your life will be far better for it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24
Yes I need a plan especially during my vacation. I associate vacation with booze, but it is not a good choice, we are going to a place where it is very hot. I have to figure out what to tell my mother who is going with us. Previous years I had bottles hidden in my suitcase and snuck out to buy more while mother and kids were doing something else.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
When I was at the point where life seemed hopeless and I knew I couldn't live drunk but couldn't imagine life sober and I didn't know what to do anymore, I asked for help.
For me that was asking people who did know what to do. I listened to what I was told. That meant going to a detox, and then when they suggested treatment, I went for that and when they told me to go to AA, I went. In AA I did what they suggested and I got sober.
For me that was asking people who did know what to do. I listened to what I was told. That meant going to a detox, and then when they suggested treatment, I went for that and when they told me to go to AA, I went. In AA I did what they suggested and I got sober.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,965
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Originally Posted by Teresia 
I know that it of course is NOT impossible. Canīt think of a single thing.
Like was said they may not forget the bad days of the past, but they will surely appreciate and see the difference between them and days that are possible now ans in the future.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
You CAN stop, you just have to make it happen! You know what you are doing is wrong, but your alcoholic voice is lying to you, making you think it isn't possible. Try going to AA meetings, they are everywhere, even on your vacation. I would look forward to making it one of your stops to meet new people
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Teresia
Feel completely hopeless, a sober life seems impossible
Originally Posted by Teresia
I know that it of course is NOT impossible. Canīt think of a single thing.
As for the title of this thread...well...I am of the opinion that you DO know what to do. You just don't FEEL like doing it. Been there, done that.
Hang in there, it gets better!
Best of luck on your Journey!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
The simplest plan I know is:
The next time I feel like drinking I will _____________ instead.
Fill in the blank with whatever you want. Ride a bike, talk to my children, post on SR...whatever you want to put in there. Then you have a plan. When the urge to drink returns (and it will) you are not scrambling and reacting to it. You are prepared for it. You already have a plan. You're going to_________.
Dee74 changes his signature from time to time. They are all good, but my favorite was when it said:
It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end.
Just don't tell my wife I was right about something. She would find that most upsetting.
The next time I feel like drinking I will _____________ instead.
Fill in the blank with whatever you want. Ride a bike, talk to my children, post on SR...whatever you want to put in there. Then you have a plan. When the urge to drink returns (and it will) you are not scrambling and reacting to it. You are prepared for it. You already have a plan. You're going to_________.
Dee74 changes his signature from time to time. They are all good, but my favorite was when it said:
It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end.
Just don't tell my wife I was right about something. She would find that most upsetting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
I agree that you know what to do, you just don't want to do it. Making a plan to help you stop and stay stopped is a good idea. And, in particular, making a plan for not drinking on the vacation could be really helpful. Your children may not forget your drinking days, but they will be very happy to have a sober mother. There is always hope!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Lots of good advice above. Like Nonsensical, I planned out my evenings for the first few weeks, it helped me to have something concrete planned, having two kids makes it easy to plan something.
As for vacation, I have been on two this summer, one to visit family and friends in NY, and now I am back East for a work conference. I have had an incredible time during both sight seeing, enjoying conversations with family and friends, and laughing a lot. I didn't allow alcohol to even be a possibility. I also did not put myself in many drinking situations, and when I was somewhere that others were drinking, I knew it was not an option for me. I can share that remembering every minute of my vacation, and waking up sober every morning has been fantastic.
Looking forward to hearing about your plan.
As for vacation, I have been on two this summer, one to visit family and friends in NY, and now I am back East for a work conference. I have had an incredible time during both sight seeing, enjoying conversations with family and friends, and laughing a lot. I didn't allow alcohol to even be a possibility. I also did not put myself in many drinking situations, and when I was somewhere that others were drinking, I knew it was not an option for me. I can share that remembering every minute of my vacation, and waking up sober every morning has been fantastic.
Looking forward to hearing about your plan.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 979
Hi Teresia! How old are your kids? I am a mom too and I understand how you're feeling. I felt like a big failure and I struggled with I've lost too much time with them that I can't make it up vs I cannot go on like this and hurt them any longer. It was/is a double edged sword. I promise you it does get better. The worst days for me were the first week or two. The guilt, shame, humiliation, regret was awful. I won't lie and say that I don't still feel that to some extent. But I'm feeling the sober now. I have seen a drastic improvement with my kids all the way around. There is a lot to improve upon. But their smiles, silly romps with the dog every night before bed, the "night mom, I love you's" every day drive me to be better.
It can and will get better - It's hard at first but don't drink. It is NEVER worth it the next morning. It's just a wash/rinse/repeat of the guilt, shame, self loathing, disgust. You CAN get off of this hamster wheel.
It can and will get better - It's hard at first but don't drink. It is NEVER worth it the next morning. It's just a wash/rinse/repeat of the guilt, shame, self loathing, disgust. You CAN get off of this hamster wheel.
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