when do you stop recovering?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 138
when do you stop recovering?
when I was binging weekly, I planned and looked forward to my Friday night drinking all week. Now it seems like I'm spending even more time focusing on "not planning " to binge, coming on SR, debating with myself whether I need AA etc . I see many people posting on SR and who still go to AA many years after they have stopped drinking. So when does recovery end? Does it ever end ? Does drinking ever become a total non-issue in your life? Meaning that you don't have to think about drinking or not drinking anymore at all? when I stopped drinking a couple of times for 8 month periods, did I relapse because I wasn't "focused" on recovery?recovering seems so all consuming and focused on just one goal (not drinking) I'm worried my work will suffer from this, because it's taking so much of my mental energy. Ironically, when I was binging once a week, my work was fine all week.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
I've been sober well over six years and no longer think about "not drinking". It's just the way it is - I no longer drink. I don't have to focus on not drinking, I just don't drink.
It took me about a year to get to that point where I wasn't consumed daily with "not drinking".
And even after over six years, I sometimes get thoughts of drinking, tho they are easily dismissed. It's just no big deal now.
It took me about a year to get to that point where I wasn't consumed daily with "not drinking".
And even after over six years, I sometimes get thoughts of drinking, tho they are easily dismissed. It's just no big deal now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think it's probably different for everyone.
For me, over 2 years into sobriety, I no longer think of it as 'recovery' or 'recovering'.
I have chosen a life of sobriety and it is far better and more rewarding to me than a life drinking.
But life still remains life..... it comes with ups, downs, challenges, triumphs, stress, celebration... pain, joy.
Along the way, I continue to be presented the choice; face up to life and respond to it with sober presence or run back to 'coping' with life through escape or 'celebrating' life with booze.
I know that sobriety offers me a deeper, more joyful life. But over 25 years of drinking created powerful responses and patterns. I live in a society and a world where those responses and patterns are continually reinforced and held up as the right and the typical path to follow.
So, to me, going to an AA meeting now and again, logging on to SR, keeping my head and my spirit in line with my choice of sobriety and why I made it to begin with are not 'recovering' - they are just a part of how I now choose to live my life and respond to it.
All around me I see people spending far more of their precious, limited life in bars and pouring booze into their bodies than I spend in meetings or on efforts to honor my choice of sobriety. I could easily join them, and return to giving my cherished life to the bottle.
But I'd far rather spend those moments here with you.
For me, over 2 years into sobriety, I no longer think of it as 'recovery' or 'recovering'.
I have chosen a life of sobriety and it is far better and more rewarding to me than a life drinking.
But life still remains life..... it comes with ups, downs, challenges, triumphs, stress, celebration... pain, joy.
Along the way, I continue to be presented the choice; face up to life and respond to it with sober presence or run back to 'coping' with life through escape or 'celebrating' life with booze.
I know that sobriety offers me a deeper, more joyful life. But over 25 years of drinking created powerful responses and patterns. I live in a society and a world where those responses and patterns are continually reinforced and held up as the right and the typical path to follow.
So, to me, going to an AA meeting now and again, logging on to SR, keeping my head and my spirit in line with my choice of sobriety and why I made it to begin with are not 'recovering' - they are just a part of how I now choose to live my life and respond to it.
All around me I see people spending far more of their precious, limited life in bars and pouring booze into their bodies than I spend in meetings or on efforts to honor my choice of sobriety. I could easily join them, and return to giving my cherished life to the bottle.
But I'd far rather spend those moments here with you.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
For me recovery is a journey not a destination. I have been sober for a while and the reason I have been sober for a while is I work on my recovery everyday. This post is part of that work. Alcoholism is recognized by almost anyone that knows anything both lay and professional as a chronic condition. Chronic means we are never healed. The best any of us can do is treat it. So treat it I do.
There are many ways to treat it and the vast majority of people who have significant sobriety have a whole arsenal of things they do to stay sober and they practice these disciplines on a regular basis. If this sounds like work it is but the amount of time I spend on my recovery is so much less than I spent on my addiction and the happiness I have found is beyond anything in my wildest dreams
To answer your question. I seldom think about drinking at least in terms of wanting a drink. The thought come from time to time usually months apart. I do think of how I can become a better person who is more secure in my sobriety on a daily basis
There are many ways to treat it and the vast majority of people who have significant sobriety have a whole arsenal of things they do to stay sober and they practice these disciplines on a regular basis. If this sounds like work it is but the amount of time I spend on my recovery is so much less than I spent on my addiction and the happiness I have found is beyond anything in my wildest dreams
To answer your question. I seldom think about drinking at least in terms of wanting a drink. The thought come from time to time usually months apart. I do think of how I can become a better person who is more secure in my sobriety on a daily basis
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I no longer have to make that decision. It's been made, and I just stick to it. 
There are opportunities that present themselves and if I pause for a moment, I still choose not to drink. So, the answer (for me) is that most of the time it's a non-issue. It's easy. I just continue to go with the flow of my new sober life. In the stickier places, it's usually just a flash of an image or thought flitting through my mind I'm able to brush off in one fluid motion. There are the rare moments when I feel the instinct or urge in a way that raises a red flag. I see it for what it is: an old habit or urge popping up that's temporary. I don't act on it. I acknowledge it and move on. I don't dare to go back to a life I've left behind. I know where it leads and I never want to be there again. So, yes, in all cases it becomes rather 'easy' (not requiring too much brain energy) to not drink. The choices have been made in advance.
There are opportunities that present themselves and if I pause for a moment, I still choose not to drink. So, the answer (for me) is that most of the time it's a non-issue. It's easy. I just continue to go with the flow of my new sober life. In the stickier places, it's usually just a flash of an image or thought flitting through my mind I'm able to brush off in one fluid motion. There are the rare moments when I feel the instinct or urge in a way that raises a red flag. I see it for what it is: an old habit or urge popping up that's temporary. I don't act on it. I acknowledge it and move on. I don't dare to go back to a life I've left behind. I know where it leads and I never want to be there again. So, yes, in all cases it becomes rather 'easy' (not requiring too much brain energy) to not drink. The choices have been made in advance.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Echoing the voices above (see my "thank yous"). I would also add that I pay attention to the long-time sober people. You will find the most content and securely sober ones still talking about how they need to go to mtgs, to practice the faith part of the recovery, to ... and when they get too far away from these things - ie haven't been to a meeting in awhile, or talked to their sober friends or sponsor (even former sponsor) or sponsee, things get a little hairy. More stressful and reactive, perhaps, or just a little less smooth - and they re-up on their tools. Much like in running - you stop doing it as much, it's a little rougher when you pick it up again - but if you don't let yourself get too far out of the routine, you can just bring yourself back up to speed (Ha).
I imagine my life will remain following a path of recovery- won't necessarily call it that, but it will be following the new program I have established in my life.
I imagine my life will remain following a path of recovery- won't necessarily call it that, but it will be following the new program I have established in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
through working the stpes of AA, the problem I had with alcohol has been removed- I have recovered from the seemily hopeless state of mind and body that made me drink:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
dringing is no longer an issue for me as a result of working the steps and will remain that way as long as I stay in fit spiritual condition.
I haven't, though, recovered from my thinking, but it has improved tremendously.
I go to meetings to carry the message to the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.[/LIST]
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
dringing is no longer an issue for me as a result of working the steps and will remain that way as long as I stay in fit spiritual condition.
I haven't, though, recovered from my thinking, but it has improved tremendously.
I go to meetings to carry the message to the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.[/LIST]
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
I think that the experience is a bit different for each of us. I had stopped drinking previously and stayed sober for 13 years, then relapsed into my worst spell of drinking. It took me over two years to stay sober again. What happened? I had stopped but I hadn't done the internal work I needed to do. Now I know 100% for sure that I cannot ever drink again.
I've done a number of things to develop my sober muscles this time. I check in on the 24-hour thread here every day to make my commitment even though on most days it feels like "of course I will stay sober". I'm not taking any chances. AA, intensive outpatient program, therapy all helped. I no longer feel sorry for myself that I cannot drink. I committed to doing whatever it took to learn how to deal with life and stay sober.
It is totally worth it!
When people say they can't do rehab - for a variety of reasons, my response is "if needed, can you afford to not do rehab?" All of the reasons we hesitate to get help won't be relevant if we die from our addiction.
I've done a number of things to develop my sober muscles this time. I check in on the 24-hour thread here every day to make my commitment even though on most days it feels like "of course I will stay sober". I'm not taking any chances. AA, intensive outpatient program, therapy all helped. I no longer feel sorry for myself that I cannot drink. I committed to doing whatever it took to learn how to deal with life and stay sober.
It is totally worth it!
When people say they can't do rehab - for a variety of reasons, my response is "if needed, can you afford to not do rehab?" All of the reasons we hesitate to get help won't be relevant if we die from our addiction.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
When I had 17 months of sobriety I was at a point where I didn't think of drinking or not drinking for periods of time. I was also a weekend binge drinker.
What I quickly learned though was I will always be one drink away from losing all that I've gained. I gave up all the goodness in my life by not staying mindful that I will never "have this". I must always stay mindful.
I like what MI said. Recovery is a journey, not a destination.
So if you're asking if the daily grind goes away, that depends on you and how accepting and happy you choose to be in sobriety. Everyone is different.
What I quickly learned though was I will always be one drink away from losing all that I've gained. I gave up all the goodness in my life by not staying mindful that I will never "have this". I must always stay mindful.
I like what MI said. Recovery is a journey, not a destination.
So if you're asking if the daily grind goes away, that depends on you and how accepting and happy you choose to be in sobriety. Everyone is different.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I go to meetings now to reinforce my sobriety but just as important is I love the fellowship. I can walk into a room anywhere in the country/world today and find others who I may immediately identify with. That is a great experience. I want to go.......
"There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you"
I am not cured of alcoholism, but I have recovered
"There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you"
I am not cured of alcoholism, but I have recovered
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Once you are an alcoholic, you will always be one. People stay with AA as that's part of the final step that once you have reached true sobriety, to stay with the program to not only help yourself to remain sober, but to help others find their way just like others helped you to do so.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
effortjoy
Have you ever looked into AVRT?(there are great threads on it in the Secular Connections forum here on SR)
The AV(addictive voice) seems to be basically writing your posts. Any positive thought about continued or future alcohol use is the AV.
In the OP your main themes seem to be the discomfort associated with staying 'recovered' or whatever process you think will be involved and that your work is/will be better if you drink. The tacit solution appears to be continuing to drink.
For me recovery was an event, I put the bottle down and decided to never pick it up again, and to not change my mind about that decision. The solution or recovery was simple , not easy by a long stretch, especially in the early offing.
You have stated that you have, over time, cut your drinking down to the weekly ritual but are struggling with ending that also. I would suggest this your AV 'sensing' that 'its' supply of alcohol , even if "only" weekly is about to end and the addiction is not 'liking' having to be let go. AVRT would help in that regard.
The AV gets quieter and appears less frequently with time and recognition of your ability to dismiss thoughts of drinking, resist urges and cravings. It gets better/easier with time, but time takes time.
"Nothing Sucks Forever" (hattip Mesaman)
Have you ever looked into AVRT?(there are great threads on it in the Secular Connections forum here on SR)
The AV(addictive voice) seems to be basically writing your posts. Any positive thought about continued or future alcohol use is the AV.
In the OP your main themes seem to be the discomfort associated with staying 'recovered' or whatever process you think will be involved and that your work is/will be better if you drink. The tacit solution appears to be continuing to drink.
For me recovery was an event, I put the bottle down and decided to never pick it up again, and to not change my mind about that decision. The solution or recovery was simple , not easy by a long stretch, especially in the early offing.
You have stated that you have, over time, cut your drinking down to the weekly ritual but are struggling with ending that also. I would suggest this your AV 'sensing' that 'its' supply of alcohol , even if "only" weekly is about to end and the addiction is not 'liking' having to be let go. AVRT would help in that regard.
The AV gets quieter and appears less frequently with time and recognition of your ability to dismiss thoughts of drinking, resist urges and cravings. It gets better/easier with time, but time takes time.
"Nothing Sucks Forever" (hattip Mesaman)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
I would agree with others that its different for everyone, i went down the rational recovery -avrt route as i do not believe i have a disease. Once i made my big plan to never drink again and never change my mind i instantly recovered from my life of alcohol. As ive made that plan i do not have to worry about internal discussions with myself re just one or moderation. It does take a few weeks to train your mind to do this intuitively but the best thing ive ever done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I had to take it off the table as an option.
Off
The
Table
I know that may get a "duh" from some but it was a very definitive moment in my life. I used to be 99.9% committed to recovery. And that meant I drank. Period.
There was a time I said to myself that I could drink once a year. Once a year. I believed I could do it. I lasted ten days.
I've been two years sober now that I have completely taken it off the table. 100 percent.
I had medical evidence of the damage I was doing to my body so I had this glaring warning sign, a slap in the face to get sober. I strongly believed that helped me to "get it."
Off
The
Table
I know that may get a "duh" from some but it was a very definitive moment in my life. I used to be 99.9% committed to recovery. And that meant I drank. Period.
There was a time I said to myself that I could drink once a year. Once a year. I believed I could do it. I lasted ten days.
I've been two years sober now that I have completely taken it off the table. 100 percent.
I had medical evidence of the damage I was doing to my body so I had this glaring warning sign, a slap in the face to get sober. I strongly believed that helped me to "get it."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
As long as I'm not drinking, I consider myself "recovered." I agree with those that see alcoholism/alcohol abuse as a choice, not a disease. I choose not to drink. I liken it to smoking. Nicotine is an addictive substance and smoking as been proven to cause all kinds of health issues, but smoking in and of itself isn't considered a disease. That's my interpretation of it, anyway.
I don't think a whole lot about drinking anymore. It's not part of my daily routine now, so it just doesn't enter my mind. The first few months were a little tough because I was changing my habit and mindset. And I have yet to challenge my resolve in open bar/parties/social situations. Or on a date with a new guy (but for many reasons, I'm nowhere near ready for that yet.)
Some people see themselves as being in recovery for the rest of their life. Some don't. It's a personal thing.
I don't think a whole lot about drinking anymore. It's not part of my daily routine now, so it just doesn't enter my mind. The first few months were a little tough because I was changing my habit and mindset. And I have yet to challenge my resolve in open bar/parties/social situations. Or on a date with a new guy (but for many reasons, I'm nowhere near ready for that yet.)
Some people see themselves as being in recovery for the rest of their life. Some don't. It's a personal thing.
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