ZenLifter

Hi everyone. Just seeking a bit of counsel here...trying to practice acceptance in everyday life, and yet there are certain personality "types", lets say, that really rub me the wrong way. Particularly overbearing, presumptuous, overly chatty types

My job puts me in contact with a lot of different people everyday, which is the perfect training ground for practicing acceptance, and yet it never seems to get any easier. Mostly I just bite my tongue, and try to limit contact with people I find particularly annoying. So if anyone has any little tricks they use for this sort of thing, I'd be glad to hear them. Thank you all

Andante

Try compassion. The only thing worse than having to deal with those miserable, overbearing, loudmouthed, presumptuous type of people would be having to be one.

The AA "spiritual axiom" states that "every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." Others like to say, more pithily, "If you spot it, you got it."

This stance has always seemed a bit too facile and extremist to me, as we all encounter people whose personalities would try the patience of a saint irrespective of whether they mirror some flawed aspect of ourselves -- and a saint I ain't. When I encounter such disagreeable people, I guess my first option is avoidance, if it's possible. Compassion is harder, but I understand that it's best for me and my recovery to practice it if I can.

oldsoul112249

I try to see through the personality and imagine that they're possibly anxious and insecure inside like a scared child. This is they're mask. I can have some compassion that way and not let them push my buttons.

tursiops999

definitely compassion. And a gratitude practice. When I start my day being very conscious of how grateful I am for my life, other peoples' stuff tends to wash beside me, and not get under my skin as much. Also working on boundaries -- remembering I have little to no control over the people around me, and that all I can reliably influence is my own state of mind.

Centered3

All of these responses are great. I agree with using compassion and thinking of them as frightened, chatty little children. I wanted to add the importance of setting limits and boundaries.

Just the other day, I was getting band-aids, and another shopper and I got in each other's way. We exchanged a laugh and pleasantries over it. But then she began literally talking my ear off about her skin injury. I smiled genuinely and talked with her kindly about it for a minute or two. But then when I felt in my gut "that's enough, Centered, now take care of yourself", I wished her well, and went on my way, thanking God I am not that person anymore.

Compassion for yourself is just as important as compassion for others, if you're the type that used to people-please and be people's doormat.

freshstart57

It is a mistake to presume that we know what is going on inside someone else's brain. We can never know what challenges they are facing today. Anxiety? Depresssion? Grief? Loneliness? Loss?

We are all simply trying to get through our day.

freshstart57

IvanMike

On a good day I can manage compassion.

I laughed when I saw the post, because if there's anyplace that I fall short, its in those situations.

Frequently I have to remind myself of asking the question "how important is it?" - in most cases it's simply not worth the conflict, nor is it important to be right. I have to be reminded a lot that life goes much easier when I don't resist, but simply endure the brief interaction and then go on about the day.

I'm still working on that (and compassion).

EndGameNYC

My inclination is not to avoid conflict, but to replace it with something else. I don't know that anyone feels better after putting someone "in his place." And even worse, bragging about having done so to anyone who cares to listen, and to many who don't.

Bird615

It's been my experience (much to my dismay) that the people I dislike the most often end up having some particular quality that I especially dislike in myself. (Like the micromanaging, perfectionist, fussy boss I had).

freshstart57

I try to remember to ask myself three questions in situations like that.
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said now?
Does it need to be said now by me?

teatreeoil007

This.

dwtbd

I'm not sure if I'm just getting older or soberer , but I tend to try and be more compassionate of late.
The idea that we can't know what others may be dealing with and how it affects their interactions.
Actually kind of a theme I've thinking about for a new tattoo, a 'mashup' of daVinci's anatomical/man sketch and a 'Thing' from Dr Suess.
A "we are all humans and we have our things, that's one of mine" kinda thing

sixtyfour

For me, when I've had to deal with unpleasant people at work I would be civil and only talk minimally and as little about myself as possible. Overly chatty people are easier to deal with in that you can just kind of let them go and only nod and say "right", "okay" and so on. I don't know if this is healthy or not, but the way I cope with people I don't like that I have to be around is that I disassociate from the conversation as its going on while still maintaining awareness. It helped me keep my emotions removed from the situation. I don't know if that makes sense, I hope it did.

Fly N Buy

This reminds me of the really bad drivers all over the place.......this one cut me off, that one ran a light, he is texting, she is talking. I have never had anyone say to me - Man, I am a really bad, careless and thoughtless driver!


When I point one finger at someone else there are three pointing back at me. The tip for me is to work on me.

to understand as to be understood - it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

All that said, if ya can't take it anymore do what other do to me - hit the ignore button..........

sleepie

I have almost only had jobs that involved heavy public contact. Boy the dagger stares that I'd get if anyone had to cover me while I dared to eat lunch or use the bathroom. I was in a position where I was forced to smile and eat the doo doo sandwich no matter what insane thing the person talking to me wanted and 9 times out of 10 they were acting like total children.

So I used to imagine them in ridiculous situations while I was talking to them and it got a whole lot easier to smile at them.

And I also agree with what sixtyfour said. Also had a therapist who practiced and advocated for avoidance. He said he pretended to be busy and always had papers in his hand so that he could say "Gotta see to this!" if anyone he wanted to avoid was approaching... now can you see the Dalai Llama doing that? LOL

Mountainmanbob

That is usually where I also go -- the other way when possible.

But, I'm working on finding quality time with all.
A challenge at times.

MB

Centered3

I never thought to think of them as children. I used to be terrified of adults in my FOO who acted this way, but it sort of diffuses the fear to think of them as children.

Like what? I'm not sure I understand.

Centered3

I do. They're in my FOO and I've spent a lifetime witnessing it, or having to listen about it. It's horrible behavior.

But I'm starting to understand that it all comes from a deep rooted place of fear. And that's why we all who can, need to spread kindness and love as much as possible.

Soberpotamus

This is a great thread with wonderful, wise responses.

This thread caught my attention because I've been getting to know some ladies in the office where I've accepted a new job. I've noticed there's a mixture of kindness, helpfulness, chattiness .... as well as gossip, slander, and indirect insults, some of which are being slung my way. This always seems to take me by surprise, but I've come to realize it's part of being human. We are susceptible to the whims of those around us, and the only thing we can do is to realize we have control of our actions, not theirs. It helps me to know that, for whatever reason they've chosen to sling arrows my way, it has everything to do with them, not me. I try and mind my own business, do my own thing, and when we inevitably cross paths, I make sure that I first try to respond with objectivity and a bit of compassion for those who might not share my perspectives in life.

It's easy sometimes to feel we're reasonable, open-minded ... and right. But others aren't always coming from that same place or space.

And ... I could be wrong. Lol. There's always that possibility!

Great thread.