Success stories seem few and far between- depressing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 309
Success stories seem few and far between- depressing
I have been on here for a few years posting about my son. He would be good for 2 months then relapse and then it just continues like that through the years. Just like the others that post about their family members.
Finally felt like he was serious about getting better since his suicide threat and dui. Agreed to see a psychologist and take the naltrexone and in return we would pay his rent. (He lives in another state). So he took the pills for awhile and seen the doctor. He sounded great and seemed like he was happy with the changes as well. ys he doesn't have the urge to drink anymore. Same night he was bashing the doctor as well and said he didn't know what he was talking about because he is very old... ( He is very old but he works part time and has many many years of experience in the addiction field)
My heart breaks now. I wonder day in and day out if he is drinking even if he says not. As most know who have been down this road, they lie. His girlfriend will be moving out this week. She will land a great paying job as a nurse. She feels he has changed and has decided to move out with him and will take over the bills now. I am scared for her.
Most posts talk about how their loved one has relapsed. Are there any success stories??? Will I ever hear my son say "I love you mom" ever again? Will I ever be able to laugh and spend time with him again? Will he ever come home to visit? Will he ever care about someone other than himself? OR will he always be so distant and hate the life he came from?
I am sorry for venting. It is just so depressing seeing about all of the relapses. Sure takes every ounce of hope away.
Finally felt like he was serious about getting better since his suicide threat and dui. Agreed to see a psychologist and take the naltrexone and in return we would pay his rent. (He lives in another state). So he took the pills for awhile and seen the doctor. He sounded great and seemed like he was happy with the changes as well. ys he doesn't have the urge to drink anymore. Same night he was bashing the doctor as well and said he didn't know what he was talking about because he is very old... ( He is very old but he works part time and has many many years of experience in the addiction field)
My heart breaks now. I wonder day in and day out if he is drinking even if he says not. As most know who have been down this road, they lie. His girlfriend will be moving out this week. She will land a great paying job as a nurse. She feels he has changed and has decided to move out with him and will take over the bills now. I am scared for her.
Most posts talk about how their loved one has relapsed. Are there any success stories??? Will I ever hear my son say "I love you mom" ever again? Will I ever be able to laugh and spend time with him again? Will he ever come home to visit? Will he ever care about someone other than himself? OR will he always be so distant and hate the life he came from?
I am sorry for venting. It is just so depressing seeing about all of the relapses. Sure takes every ounce of hope away.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Hummingbird, I'm sorry you're feeling so down about your son. What you describe is heartbreaking.
There is always hope. Lots of people who write here regularly, including moderators, have achieved long-term sobriety from alcohol and various drugs. It IS possible. It's difficult but people do it and some do it after decades of addiction and off-and-on relapses like your son.
As for his girlfriend - she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. It's understandable you are scared for her but if things don't work out, that is her call to make. Give them both up to your higher power as best you can.
You sound like you love your son a lot and I truly believe that somewhere inside him he knows it and appreciates it, even if he does not show anything of the sort right now.
There is always hope. Lots of people who write here regularly, including moderators, have achieved long-term sobriety from alcohol and various drugs. It IS possible. It's difficult but people do it and some do it after decades of addiction and off-and-on relapses like your son.
As for his girlfriend - she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. It's understandable you are scared for her but if things don't work out, that is her call to make. Give them both up to your higher power as best you can.
You sound like you love your son a lot and I truly believe that somewhere inside him he knows it and appreciates it, even if he does not show anything of the sort right now.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hummingbird......there ARE success stories. Lots of them....while this forum is good to support you...it is not the place to hear the stories that you are lo oking for.
I wish you could hear some of the AA speakers who have been in recovery for a l ong time!!!
Some of the stories of their lives would knock your socks off.
Your son is still young in the big picture of things. The Universe still has a lot to teach him. You can't....but, the combined forces of the Universe can.
The love is there.
There is always hope....
Maybe it would help you to go to some speakers meetings.....
dandylion
I wish you could hear some of the AA speakers who have been in recovery for a l ong time!!!
Some of the stories of their lives would knock your socks off.
Your son is still young in the big picture of things. The Universe still has a lot to teach him. You can't....but, the combined forces of the Universe can.
The love is there.
There is always hope....
Maybe it would help you to go to some speakers meetings.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello hummingbird, and I'm truly sorry you are feeling so down today.
Yes, there are. But you are not going to find a lot of them here on SoberRecovery. This website exists for people who are seeking direction, who don't know where to find support and resources in their community. People come here to get answers and experience from others. Once they have those answers they no longer need SR and they stop posting.
People who have become success stories get their life back, and they go live it. Once in a while they might come back to say hello and give us and update, but that is pretty rare.
Where you _can_ find success stories is in all the many organizations that provide support in real life. Al-anon meetings are one place to look, there is also Celebrate Recovery.
AA and NA have the ocassional "open speaker" meeting. A lot of the Domestic Violence organizations have meetings, but those are generally not listed to the public, you have to call them on the phone and see if they have anything like that in your area.
Many of the churches, temples and similar organizations will have informal groups and organizations where you will also find "success stories".
They are out there. The point is, they are _out there_ in real life, living their lives, not in here on the web.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Originally Posted by hummingbird1094 
... Are there any success stories??? ...
People who have become success stories get their life back, and they go live it. Once in a while they might come back to say hello and give us and update, but that is pretty rare.
Where you _can_ find success stories is in all the many organizations that provide support in real life. Al-anon meetings are one place to look, there is also Celebrate Recovery.
AA and NA have the ocassional "open speaker" meeting. A lot of the Domestic Violence organizations have meetings, but those are generally not listed to the public, you have to call them on the phone and see if they have anything like that in your area.
Many of the churches, temples and similar organizations will have informal groups and organizations where you will also find "success stories".
They are out there. The point is, they are _out there_ in real life, living their lives, not in here on the web.
Mike
Moderator, SR
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I know a TON of success stories. I'd say they probably aren't the majority of alcoholics and addicts, but there are an awful lot of us, just the same.
You can't protect his girlfriend--she has the right to make her own choices, however unwise they may seem. What you can do for her is to let her know you are concerned, and hope that she will reach out to you if she ever needs help.
Nobody can say what your son's future holds. The best thing for YOU is to stay as detached as you can. He'll get better or he won't, but if he does it will be on his timeline, not yours.
Hugs,
You can't protect his girlfriend--she has the right to make her own choices, however unwise they may seem. What you can do for her is to let her know you are concerned, and hope that she will reach out to you if she ever needs help.
Nobody can say what your son's future holds. The best thing for YOU is to stay as detached as you can. He'll get better or he won't, but if he does it will be on his timeline, not yours.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have to agree with the others. I know success stories, but they are in person, face to face people I met, mostly at Celebrate Recovery.
It's hard, and a huge commitment, but it can be done.
Many hugs friend, I hear your anguish and my heart hurts for you.
It's hard, and a huge commitment, but it can be done.
Many hugs friend, I hear your anguish and my heart hurts for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
I don't know if this helps or is what you are looking for but I have 6 years sober. I am here as my AH still drinks. He recently picked up again after about 9 months quit.
I belong to a quitting support group, within the group there are about 8 people with my length of quit and maybe 6 with about 10 years. Some with a year or two less than me. We have newer members with short quits too. There are lots who pass through and sadly pick up again or aren't able to quit for more than a few days.
Quitting has a very low success rate, I have heard the figure 5% being mentioned but really don't know if this accurate or not.
The people who do succeed seem to be the ones who work a program of some sort and make the necessary changes to their attitude, lifestyle etc.
I feel it extremely unlikely my AH will ever quit.
I belong to a quitting support group, within the group there are about 8 people with my length of quit and maybe 6 with about 10 years. Some with a year or two less than me. We have newer members with short quits too. There are lots who pass through and sadly pick up again or aren't able to quit for more than a few days.
Quitting has a very low success rate, I have heard the figure 5% being mentioned but really don't know if this accurate or not.
The people who do succeed seem to be the ones who work a program of some sort and make the necessary changes to their attitude, lifestyle etc.
I feel it extremely unlikely my AH will ever quit.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm so sorry about your heartbreaking situation. All you can really do is take care of yourself, go to Alanon and learn how to detach a bit. Yes there is hope, but my life improved a great deal when I learned to let go of expectations. A big hug.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Yes, there are situations where people remain sober. The person has to want it for themselves and work on it. Take care of yourself and someday your child may reach out to you, stay open to it. Until then, remember the decision to become and remain sober is up to the individual, you cannot do it for them. Stay positive and remain hopeful.
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