KPForever

Today is my sobriety date. I'm an alcoholic. Binge drinker. 35 years old. Never married and don't have kids. I don't even know if i'll have a job on Monday. I feel terrible. I need help.
I have no friends anymore. And my family is not speaking to me.
Please don't suggest AA

Today i've been in bed all day. It's almost noon. I know I need to make a plan. For the next few hours. I'm going to get up. Brush my teeth. Take a shower. Eat something. Then...I don't know...

I want to get up and go about my day....with a new perspective. I understand that everything I do, even the tiniest thing, I must include a reminder that sobriety is MOST important.

But there is a part of me that feels i should feel guilty and ashamed and I shouldn't go about my day as if everything is normal. It is not..i know. But I want to move past this, and start my sober life.

Please help me! I need support.

Soberwolf

Welcome KPF

kittycat3

Welcome KP. So you drank last night? Day 1 is never easy, so go easy on yourself. If you can muster up the strength to do something healthy for yourself (a short walk? A chore around the house?) you should, it will keep your mind off drinking.
You can do this, stick around SR. I did, and I'm 71 days sober today. I'm still recovering and healing from my past, but 71 days ago I woke up the morning after and literally wanted to die. I thought I was helpless and hopeless. It feels so foreign to me now and I'm so glad it passed. It can improve for you if you just don't drink.

Volshen

Welcome.

bandicoot2

Welcome KPForever-

Congratulations on your Day 1. Take it easy, sleep, shower or a warm bath, a nice walk, some healthy food and lots of water to flush out the toxins. Read or binge on movies, anything to take your mind off! Your body will take time to heal, be patient.

You're in the right place for support. Hope you stick around...take care.

jseattle

Getting sober alone is hard. Doable but hard. Have you looked into an outpatient program in your area? Many accept insurance and have no copay. The accountability, medical, and therapeutic assistance is helpful. I tried to stop many times on my own but my addictive voice would manipulate me into "needing" or being able to handle just one drink. I'm on day 67 and have so much shame behind me.
The only way back with loved ones is to take care of yourself and rebuild the trust, slowly.

KPForever

I've tried outpatient rehab before, and it didn't work for me. But at that time I was drinking secretly and only going so family would be off my back. The fact was I did not want to be sober.

This time it's different- it seems everyone has given up on me. Which is understandable. I also don't have the energy to keep being an alcoholic and doing the things that alcoholics do.
Now, i don't have to prove to someone else that i'm serious about getting sober.
This time is different I want to be sober for me....

standswithafist

Hang in there, KPForever. Today is my first day too. We can do this.

standswithafist

Hang in there, KPForever. Today is my first day too. We can do this.

Hevyn

It's so good to have you here, KP. I felt the same when I joined here - but having people to talk things over with made all the difference.

I was much older than 35 when my life spun out of control. I was lying to everyone - making insane choices - drinking all day to avoid shaking. Yet still I clung to it long after I knew it was killing me. Be glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to you at a young age. You can move past this and have a wonderful new life. Great to meet you.

Belier

Welcome KP and and Stands, read a lot, be gentle on yourself, I am now three months and felt hopeless my first day. But I have been brave this time and am actually starting to enjoy the clarity, purpose that comes with each day. they have a June group here also if you haven't looked yet. In the beginning I did not withhold icecream or chocolate from myself, heck it was better than the poison and I have since tapered off the sugar now. Again be gentle and also have hope as it does work. Hugs to you both.

thomas11

The scattered thoughts are pretty normal early on. The best thing you can do is keep stacking day after day of sobriety and things seem to work themselves out. I also agree that it is important to forgive yourself early on. What's done is done, you can't change or fix it. But you can fix today, and tomorrow.....and so on.

REsoberALITY

Hello and welcome. Wishing both of you lots of patience and strength today.

least

Welcome KP and Standswithafist. Glad you're getting sober. It's hard at first but if you stick to it, it will get better.

KPForever

So sober living day 1 is coming to an end.

My mother has called me twice this evening. And she keeps crying on the phone..crying a lot, and telling me how she is so stressed out about my drinking, and somethings going to happen to her because of all the stress I have put on her.

I feel like a monster. And I want to do all the right things. I know I have made terrible decisions that impact those around me. I am so regretful and sad and ashamed.

How do I deal with my mother? She cares of course. But all that crying is so hard to take...

I guess maybe I know the answer. Show her with my actions over time.

kittycat3

I think it might be a healthy step for you to kindly tell your mother that you can't be her support and get sober at the same time.
I bet she means well but it's best you give it some time before you make amends for the past.
Congrats on day 1!

Wastinglife

I can relate to you KP. I have alienated my friends and family as well. I've been an alcoholic for 10 years now and in that time I have pretty much lost everything. I'm turning 40 in August but really I'm mentally still 29 because I have not grown as a person. My entire 30's are a drunken blur.

I am 36 days sober, the longest in 5 years. This is my last chance at a happy, productive life so I have finally accepted that I'm broken, done with alcohol for good.

The first week is very rough. I come to this site multiple times a day. Stick close here.

uncorked

Hi KP, hope you're doing ok as you read this. Sounds like you're in a pretty dark place. I've been there, too. I lost my husband and I almost lost my son. But I went to inpatient rehab (not AA/12 step based) -- something I had balked at forever -- and I've been sober for 8 months. You CAN do this. A lot of people on this site have become sober after years and years of drinking. And you know what? It's so much better on the other side. Come join us.

KPForever

I am in a dark place...those few days after an alcoholic episode. But I truly honestly believe I can get to a better place. So many people are in recovery for days, months, years...

What I'm actually aware of at this moment at 10pm, this morning I was extremely regretful, ashamed, and making a sober plan, staying close to these forums, praying..and now that night has come, things aren't looking as bad as they were this morning, I'm thinking, hmmm maybe I don't need to follow the sober plan. Omg!!
See where my thinking goes wrong!?
Having support is so important, I can't be left to my own devices, others can help put things in perspective.

KPForever

That being said..I'm doing the opposite of what my crazy brain told me, and I'm going to follow that sober plan!!