Headed to first meeting
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Join Date: May 2016
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Headed to first meeting
I hope it's okay to post here. I realize that there's a 12-step forum, but I feel like I "know" you guys.
I'm headed to my first Nar Anon meeting tonight and I'm really anxious. I have no idea what to expect?
Also, I hope it's really *anonymous*! Are people pretty serious about that? I have a pretty high profile job, where I'm a "public figure" to some degree. If the skeletons come falling out of my closet, it might end a 15 year career.
But, I'm expecting a really difficult week next week and I hope this will help.
*deep breaths, deep breaths*
I'm headed to my first Nar Anon meeting tonight and I'm really anxious. I have no idea what to expect?
Also, I hope it's really *anonymous*! Are people pretty serious about that? I have a pretty high profile job, where I'm a "public figure" to some degree. If the skeletons come falling out of my closet, it might end a 15 year career.
But, I'm expecting a really difficult week next week and I hope this will help.
*deep breaths, deep breaths*
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
Thanks for the encouragement, y'all!
I love the materials. From what I've read so far, there's a lot of wisdom there.
As far as the meeting goes, I guess either it was the wrong place for me or I have some growing to do. It was really, really triggering for me. I don't want to break the confidence of the meeting, so I'm trying to be careful with what I say. But, I think when people are saying "addiction is a disease" perhaps that should stand alone. Let's not compare it to other specific diseases. It isn't "just like" anything. Addiction is addiction.
I'm going to go again next week to test the waters, but that may be it for me.
I love the materials. From what I've read so far, there's a lot of wisdom there.
As far as the meeting goes, I guess either it was the wrong place for me or I have some growing to do. It was really, really triggering for me. I don't want to break the confidence of the meeting, so I'm trying to be careful with what I say. But, I think when people are saying "addiction is a disease" perhaps that should stand alone. Let's not compare it to other specific diseases. It isn't "just like" anything. Addiction is addiction.
I'm going to go again next week to test the waters, but that may be it for me.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You may want to try a different group as well. Alanon would give you the same. I don't know your faith walk, but Celebrate Recovery is a wonderful program that helped me so very much.
Different groups will have different dynamics, so you may just want to "shop around" until you find what helps you.
Many hugs!
Different groups will have different dynamics, so you may just want to "shop around" until you find what helps you.
Many hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Dear WeakGirl,
I am sorry to hear that your first experience with Nar-Anon was less than you had hoped for.
I am not sure exactly what disappointed you but our group always recommends that you "shop the local meetings" and attend at least 6 before you decide if the program is for you and choose a home group. Each home group will have their own unique culture and not all will agree with your temperament.
Preservation of anonymity...it has been my experience that the anonymous factor is as well maintained as the individual desires. By that I mean that some members are very private as to their identity, will not put their name on a phone list, never talk about where they work or even their profession -- this is all fine and quite acceptable. Others are not so private....it is a personal choice that you get to make and it may change over time.
What you will find in all of the rooms is a group of people who are going through the same actual and emotional experiences that you are -- you are not the only one, you will not feel so alone.
On the topic of addiction being a disease....you will find this to be a universal belief among all of the groups simply because the medical professions have deemed addiction to be a disease with physical changes to the brain. One can certainly argue that addiction began with a choice of some sort whether it was to experiment with drugs "for kicks" or it may have been just to follow prescribed drug use from a doctor or dentist. Either way a person may end up as an addict.
I have attached an article on the topic and a few web references on the topic of addiction as a brain disease:
"ADDICTION CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE" by Sandy Swenson
"Before my son was an addict, he was a child.
My child.
But he could have been anyone's child. He could have been - or might yet be - yours.
Until the troubles started, I never thought my child would become an addict. It never crossed my mind.
Until one day it did.
Before my son was an addict, he liked to fish and camp; he was an Eagle Scout and a rescue diver; he built a playground for orphans in India, he wanted to be a marine biologist, and he was awarded scholarships from several colleges.
He also sometimes lied and said things that were mean and sulked and was crabby; in other words, Joey was perfectly normal.
There's a widely held belief that addicts are bad people, but the truth is, addiction is not an issue for moral judgment. Addiction has nothing whatsoever to do with whether a person is nice, or the quality of their character, or the strength of their will.
Addiction is a disease. Scientific research has proven this; the addicted brain exhibits measurable changes - this is fact. And, most addiction begins in adolescence, strongly enticed by popular culture.
Addiction begins where dalliance - or doctors orders - becomes disease. It can happen to anyone who has taken a sip or puff or snort - or even a pill prescribed for pain.
Even though my son had done some bad things while being an addict, my son is not a bad person. He is a sick person. When addiction scooped up my child, it did so indiscriminately; Joey, at his core, is one of the least bad people I know.
Before my son was an addict, I used to judge the dusty addict on the corner very harshly. But now I know that being an addict isn't something anyone would choose.
Now I know that the addict on the corner has been my sweet child - and could someday be yours. I wish I hadn't waited for the worst to happen before I opened my eyes and heart. Before I looked beneath the addict's dust to the person he was meant to be. To the person my child could just as easily have become - and did.
Before my son was an addict, he was a child. Not a monster.
Addiction can happen to anyone."
Sandy Swenson is the mother of two sons - one of whom is an alcoholic and drug addict. "The Joey Song" chronicles her journey through the place where love and addiction meet. Sandy maintains a blog at Sandy Swenson: Find Joy On Your Journey
IS ADDICTION REALLY A BRAIN DISEASE?
“Understanding Addiction: How addiction hijacks the brain.”
A basic explanation of brain chemistry and the how drugs affect it.
Understanding Addiction: How Addiction Hijacks the Brain
“Addiction as a brain disease”
By the former director of National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA)
Dr. Leshner Essence of Addiction article - NIDA
“Drug Addiction and its underlying Neurological basis.”
Peer reviewed, scholarly article – very technical, medical reading
Drug Addiction and Its Underlying Neurobiological Basis: Neuroimaging Evidence for the Involvement of the Frontal Cortex
“How addiction changes your brain.”
A short CNN report – this link will take you to a YouTube page which has many addiction related videos in the line-up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f1nmqiHIII
I hope this helps with your journey.
Keep coming back,
Jim
PS: I tried to send this to you as a PM, but something went wacky with that attempt, my screen went blank and just stayed that way so I posted here.
I am sorry to hear that your first experience with Nar-Anon was less than you had hoped for.
I am not sure exactly what disappointed you but our group always recommends that you "shop the local meetings" and attend at least 6 before you decide if the program is for you and choose a home group. Each home group will have their own unique culture and not all will agree with your temperament.
Preservation of anonymity...it has been my experience that the anonymous factor is as well maintained as the individual desires. By that I mean that some members are very private as to their identity, will not put their name on a phone list, never talk about where they work or even their profession -- this is all fine and quite acceptable. Others are not so private....it is a personal choice that you get to make and it may change over time.
What you will find in all of the rooms is a group of people who are going through the same actual and emotional experiences that you are -- you are not the only one, you will not feel so alone.
On the topic of addiction being a disease....you will find this to be a universal belief among all of the groups simply because the medical professions have deemed addiction to be a disease with physical changes to the brain. One can certainly argue that addiction began with a choice of some sort whether it was to experiment with drugs "for kicks" or it may have been just to follow prescribed drug use from a doctor or dentist. Either way a person may end up as an addict.
I have attached an article on the topic and a few web references on the topic of addiction as a brain disease:
"ADDICTION CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE" by Sandy Swenson
"Before my son was an addict, he was a child.
My child.
But he could have been anyone's child. He could have been - or might yet be - yours.
Until the troubles started, I never thought my child would become an addict. It never crossed my mind.
Until one day it did.
Before my son was an addict, he liked to fish and camp; he was an Eagle Scout and a rescue diver; he built a playground for orphans in India, he wanted to be a marine biologist, and he was awarded scholarships from several colleges.
He also sometimes lied and said things that were mean and sulked and was crabby; in other words, Joey was perfectly normal.
There's a widely held belief that addicts are bad people, but the truth is, addiction is not an issue for moral judgment. Addiction has nothing whatsoever to do with whether a person is nice, or the quality of their character, or the strength of their will.
Addiction is a disease. Scientific research has proven this; the addicted brain exhibits measurable changes - this is fact. And, most addiction begins in adolescence, strongly enticed by popular culture.
Addiction begins where dalliance - or doctors orders - becomes disease. It can happen to anyone who has taken a sip or puff or snort - or even a pill prescribed for pain.
Even though my son had done some bad things while being an addict, my son is not a bad person. He is a sick person. When addiction scooped up my child, it did so indiscriminately; Joey, at his core, is one of the least bad people I know.
Before my son was an addict, I used to judge the dusty addict on the corner very harshly. But now I know that being an addict isn't something anyone would choose.
Now I know that the addict on the corner has been my sweet child - and could someday be yours. I wish I hadn't waited for the worst to happen before I opened my eyes and heart. Before I looked beneath the addict's dust to the person he was meant to be. To the person my child could just as easily have become - and did.
Before my son was an addict, he was a child. Not a monster.
Addiction can happen to anyone."
Sandy Swenson is the mother of two sons - one of whom is an alcoholic and drug addict. "The Joey Song" chronicles her journey through the place where love and addiction meet. Sandy maintains a blog at Sandy Swenson: Find Joy On Your Journey
IS ADDICTION REALLY A BRAIN DISEASE?
“Understanding Addiction: How addiction hijacks the brain.”
A basic explanation of brain chemistry and the how drugs affect it.
Understanding Addiction: How Addiction Hijacks the Brain
“Addiction as a brain disease”
By the former director of National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA)
Dr. Leshner Essence of Addiction article - NIDA
“Drug Addiction and its underlying Neurological basis.”
Peer reviewed, scholarly article – very technical, medical reading
Drug Addiction and Its Underlying Neurobiological Basis: Neuroimaging Evidence for the Involvement of the Frontal Cortex
“How addiction changes your brain.”
A short CNN report – this link will take you to a YouTube page which has many addiction related videos in the line-up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f1nmqiHIII
I hope this helps with your journey.
Keep coming back,
Jim
PS: I tried to send this to you as a PM, but something went wacky with that attempt, my screen went blank and just stayed that way so I posted here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
JimC60,
Thank you for all of your feedback and information!
I was pretty immediately recognized. Two people called me by name. I only used my first name and did decline to be added to the phone list. Unfortunately, my face is rather public. Fortunately, the people who recognized me due to my career also seemed pretty interested in keeping their own identities concealed, so I don't think they would "out" me. I'm pretty comfortable with that.
I do believe that addiction is a disease. Honestly, I think my brother's addiction is rooted in some of the same shared traumas that my own psychological problems are rooted in. I will read/watch the links you provided, though, as I'm very interested in learning as much as I can. Thank you for taking the time to do that!
Unfortunately, at some point, I believe that at some point, you must shield yourself from the consequences of an active addict's behaviors, whether they're currently able to control them or not. That was really the point of contention for me.
I'm going to try and private message you. I'm interested in whether the things that were said to me are along Nar Anon's teachings or maybe the personal feelings of the group. Hopefully, the messaging is working now.
I do actually plan to go back and think the steps would be good for me. I just may decline to share in future.
Thank you for all of your feedback and information!
I was pretty immediately recognized. Two people called me by name. I only used my first name and did decline to be added to the phone list. Unfortunately, my face is rather public. Fortunately, the people who recognized me due to my career also seemed pretty interested in keeping their own identities concealed, so I don't think they would "out" me. I'm pretty comfortable with that.
I do believe that addiction is a disease. Honestly, I think my brother's addiction is rooted in some of the same shared traumas that my own psychological problems are rooted in. I will read/watch the links you provided, though, as I'm very interested in learning as much as I can. Thank you for taking the time to do that!
Unfortunately, at some point, I believe that at some point, you must shield yourself from the consequences of an active addict's behaviors, whether they're currently able to control them or not. That was really the point of contention for me.
I'm going to try and private message you. I'm interested in whether the things that were said to me are along Nar Anon's teachings or maybe the personal feelings of the group. Hopefully, the messaging is working now.
I do actually plan to go back and think the steps would be good for me. I just may decline to share in future.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Weakgirl,
I've attended Celebrate Recovery, NarAnon and Coda meetings. CR was first, and I DID NOT feel like I belonged there. So I went to Nar Anon and Coda, and felt a little more comfortable. But CR was more convenient, so I started going there more regularly. And wouldn't you know- it's one of my favorite places to be now?! I've gotten to know so many wonderful people. And for a shy girl like me, it's really something else stepping into a room of 30+ people who all know my name and are happy to see me. So I definitely do think it's worth it not just to shop around, but to attend one meeting fairly regularly and then make a decision.
On addiction being a disease- I definitely get what you're saying. My STBX put us through so much that I kind of felt like calling it a disease was letting him off the hook. I came across a sort of antithesis of NarAnon online a while back. I can no longer find it, but it was basically calling the addict an A$$ (with actual S's) and it was an acronym for Addicted Selfish Something or other. It was a program that claimed calling addiction a disease was detrimental, and that admitting the selfishness inherent with addiction was crucial to one's recovery. I think there's a lot of truth to that, but I also do recognize that we're all just a toothache or bad fall away from finding our own addictions. Really, I'm terrified that it will find me some day.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I really do hope you find "your people"!
It is so essential to have a support network. This forum is wonderful, but there is nothing like getting face to face support.
Good luck!
I've attended Celebrate Recovery, NarAnon and Coda meetings. CR was first, and I DID NOT feel like I belonged there. So I went to Nar Anon and Coda, and felt a little more comfortable. But CR was more convenient, so I started going there more regularly. And wouldn't you know- it's one of my favorite places to be now?! I've gotten to know so many wonderful people. And for a shy girl like me, it's really something else stepping into a room of 30+ people who all know my name and are happy to see me. So I definitely do think it's worth it not just to shop around, but to attend one meeting fairly regularly and then make a decision.
On addiction being a disease- I definitely get what you're saying. My STBX put us through so much that I kind of felt like calling it a disease was letting him off the hook. I came across a sort of antithesis of NarAnon online a while back. I can no longer find it, but it was basically calling the addict an A$$ (with actual S's) and it was an acronym for Addicted Selfish Something or other. It was a program that claimed calling addiction a disease was detrimental, and that admitting the selfishness inherent with addiction was crucial to one's recovery. I think there's a lot of truth to that, but I also do recognize that we're all just a toothache or bad fall away from finding our own addictions. Really, I'm terrified that it will find me some day.
Anyway, best of luck to you. I really do hope you find "your people"!
It is so essential to have a support network. This forum is wonderful, but there is nothing like getting face to face support.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
Weakgirl,
I also do recognize that we're all just a toothache or bad fall away from finding our own addictions. Really, I'm terrified that it will find me some day.
Good luck!
I also do recognize that we're all just a toothache or bad fall away from finding our own addictions. Really, I'm terrified that it will find me some day.
Good luck!
I keep reading about folks getting addicted to pain meds. It is one of those things happening to "other people". Life can be amazing in that suddenly something you have only read about becomes reality for yourself or your family - yikes.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Bekindalways,
I think I have posted this before here, it is a story I have heard multiple times from many others in the rooms. It is not always an exact match - might be sports injury, car accident, the ending is always the same.
My daughter got her "start" with Percocet which was prescribed after she had her wisdom teeth removed. She r-e-a-l-l-y liked it .The prescription ran out and she went to the street..........
Percocet, Vicodin, Oxycontin, Opana .......eventually her dependence went up and her bank account went down......only one place to go to feed the monster - heroin, much cheaper, readily accessible, very good quality here.
Keep coming back,
Jim
I think I have posted this before here, it is a story I have heard multiple times from many others in the rooms. It is not always an exact match - might be sports injury, car accident, the ending is always the same.
My daughter got her "start" with Percocet which was prescribed after she had her wisdom teeth removed. She r-e-a-l-l-y liked it .The prescription ran out and she went to the street..........
Percocet, Vicodin, Oxycontin, Opana .......eventually her dependence went up and her bank account went down......only one place to go to feed the monster - heroin, much cheaper, readily accessible, very good quality here.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
I think there's a lot of truth to that, but I also do recognize that we're all just a toothache or bad fall away from finding our own addictions. Really, I'm terrified that it will find me some day.!
I feel like I somehow really mis-stated myself in regards to my feelings on addiction being a disease. I DO believe addiction is a disease. I DO believe that it often starts innocently and always unexpectedly. I don't believe that it is *just like* any other disease.
Addiction isn't diabetes. Diabetes isn't cancer. Cancer isn't arthritis. Arthritis isn't Chicken Pox.
Addiction is addiction, with its own unique set of challenges. That's what I meant to say.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
First meeting
I have several years experience with Al-Anon and AA. I have always felt that confidentiality is one of the most respected aspects of meetings. I have been to meetings where known media figures are there, and it didn't matter. Please keep going to meetings. Find one that you like, and hang in there! When I first started in Al-Anon, I felt that everyone was speaking Swahili. But I liked the calm nature of the meeting and it made me feel stronger about my situation so I , as they say, "kept coming back." After a while, things made sense. I can't speak to Nar-Anon meetings as I have never been. Hope this helps. Peace.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 379
"Also, I hope it's really *anonymous*! Are people pretty serious about that? I have a pretty high profile job, where I'm a 'public figure' to some degree. If the skeletons come falling out of my closet, it might end a 15 year career."
I can completely relate. This is why I do not go to face-to-face meetings in the area where I practice law. I knew someone who lost his career when people from AA gossiped about him.
I can completely relate. This is why I do not go to face-to-face meetings in the area where I practice law. I knew someone who lost his career when people from AA gossiped about him.
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Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
I did keep going and I've decided that I was just in too emotional of a state on the first night to understand what was being said in the light that it was intended. I made a separate post about it "nar anon and the three bites rule." I plan to keep coming back. Even that phrase offers some comfort now.
It's a small group and so far, I feel pretty comfortable trusting them with my stories. If anyone new enters the group, I'll probably remain silent until I know if I feel comfortable with them. I do wish my face weren't public, I would just use my middle name. lol
It's a small group and so far, I feel pretty comfortable trusting them with my stories. If anyone new enters the group, I'll probably remain silent until I know if I feel comfortable with them. I do wish my face weren't public, I would just use my middle name. lol
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
Your addicted LO is not a reflection on you. If anything, others in Nar-Anon may look at you and think, "Wow! Addiction really does effect everybody". I used to think everybody looked at my sister as a reflection on me, and it took time to understand she isn't.
I struggle with seeing addiction as a disease, and I attend Narcotics Anonymous. For me, it's more of a mental illness or a personality disorder (addictive personality disorder, if you will). Watching addiction strip my sister of her human essence really showed me how much of an illness it really is. I don't like the word disease, and I try to share that at meetings so that if there's anyone else who feels the same way and is scared to say it, they can relate and see they're not alone.
I struggle with seeing addiction as a disease, and I attend Narcotics Anonymous. For me, it's more of a mental illness or a personality disorder (addictive personality disorder, if you will). Watching addiction strip my sister of her human essence really showed me how much of an illness it really is. I don't like the word disease, and I try to share that at meetings so that if there's anyone else who feels the same way and is scared to say it, they can relate and see they're not alone.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by PlasticInsanity
Your addicted LO is not a reflection on you. If anything, others in Nar-Anon may look at you and think, "Wow! Addiction really does effect everybody". I used to think everybody looked at my sister as a reflection on me, and it took time to understand she isn't.
I struggle with seeing addiction as a disease, and I attend Narcotics Anonymous. For me, it's more of a mental illness or a personality disorder (addictive personality disorder, if you will). Watching addiction strip my sister of her human essence really showed me how much of an illness it really is. I don't like the word disease, and I try to share that at meetings so that if there's anyone else who feels the same way and is scared to say it, they can relate and see they're not alone.
I struggle with seeing addiction as a disease, and I attend Narcotics Anonymous. For me, it's more of a mental illness or a personality disorder (addictive personality disorder, if you will). Watching addiction strip my sister of her human essence really showed me how much of an illness it really is. I don't like the word disease, and I try to share that at meetings so that if there's anyone else who feels the same way and is scared to say it, they can relate and see they're not alone.
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