Strawman3125

Something will happen that will get me thinking in a negative way, or rather, maybe, the thoughts are fueled negative emotions. I will recognize that I am having these negative thoughts and emotions, think about it, figure out what is bothering me, analyze it and rationalize it in such a way that on a conscious level I believe that I have resolved the issue. In fact I am usually able to dismiss the thoughts easily at this point but I guess on the emotional level it has not been resolved since I find myself obsessively thinking about it again shortly there after.

Usually once I have figured out what the issue is I can do everything that I possibly can about it and then tell myself that there is nothing more that I can do and try to put it out of my mind, since it is pointless to worry about something that I cannot do anything about. Once again the thoughts are pushed from my mind only to return again. I can distract myself, talk to someone about it, self-sooth, meditate, etc. and get rid of the thoughts again but they come back shortly after.

Since these thoughts are fueled by a negative emotion, the longer I ruminate about them the lower my mood gets, pushing me into depression. Of course I also feel guilty because I know on a rational level that I should (There's that word!) not be feeling this way, and that once again I have failed to be able to deal with my thoughts and emotions and that pushes me further down the spiral. This eventually leads to thoughts of drinking, because I know that that will put a quick end to both the obsessive thinking and the growing depression, and those thoughts slowly (or quickly) to into full on obsessive cravings.

Something that triggered this process happened Sunday night and it was like I was watching a movie that I had no real control over... I could see where my uncontrollable thoughts and emotions were taking me, I knew what the final destination was and yet nothing that I tried could do more than slow things down a bit. All of Monday I spiralled down further and further until around 2pm I was thinking about alcohol and by 4pm I entered full on cravings that consumed me for another two hours that were a supreme struggle to not drink. Once I am at this point the guilt and shame of being in this position, along with anxiety, makes it almost impossible to reach out for help. I somehow made it through this time! Even though I am now in a spot of relative calm I fan feel the issue lingering, just waiting to possess me again and it has tried a few times this morning already.

19 days and still struggling.

Mountainmanbob

Staying grateful is what works for me.
I examine myself constantly
is the glass half full or half empty?
If half empty time to count my blessings.
19 days sober is something special to be grateful for.
Start there and work your way up.
Do I (we) have food, water and shelter today? Many don't.
How many in the world don't even have a computer?
Mountainmanbob

miko67

I get it man, the problems that centre in the mind are which lead us to drink. It's a powerful enemy / friend , the mind. In how we use it and either let it dominate us or we can try work with it and no allow this.
It's a chattering committee chamber in my head and in any given moment it can change my day if I listen to it or allow it to dominate.
I find listening to eckharte tolle and other spiritual teachers like thicht naht hanh have helped guide me through 3 years clean and sober, along with meetings of AA and CA also get out and exercise if you can, can help get you in better frame of mind , prayer also. Doing someone a good turn also makes me feel better.
Hope you can get through this and grow in your sobriety,
Peace

Wastinglife

I also have difficulty with obsessive negative thinking. My brain seems to be hard-wired to only see the glass half empty. I've been this way since childhood and I never seemed to be able to experience pleasure like others. However, give me a few beers and everything changes. The negative emotions give way to euphoria and I see the world through rose-tinted glasses. This is what made alcohol so appealing to me. It provides an instant escape from my negative thinking so why wouldn't I drink?

I think my prognosis is good however. I recognize that my thought patterns are distorted and that they can be changed. Alcohol just made my mental health worse so sobriety must come first before I can deal with the negative thoughts.

entropy1964

You have described the process perfectly...and with granularity. I'm pretty sure this is one of the hallmarks of the addictive personality. I obsess with my thinking, I compulse with my drinking.

So, what to do? My obsessive thinking can come in many forms. I can obsess on thoughts that I have control over....easy, figure out what I need to do, take action, and I resolve the issue. I can obsess over things I cannot control. Again, easy, realize I have no control and let it go (ok not easy, but simple really). And I can obsess over completely distorted thinking that fuels my addiction. Not so easy because solving the problem implies that I know my thinking is completely out of sync with reality.

You have broken down the process of obsessive thinking very well. For me the next step is breaking down the nature of the thoughts. My thinking can be extremely distorted. That thinking is my addiction being very sneaky sometimes. I have to challenge that thinking. Remember that distorted reality is what my addict wants, that leads me to drink.

Can you share some of the thoughts, maybe the one from Sunday night, here? Now remember, you'll probably get a storm of posts that might challenge your thinking (that is what often happens here when someone shares a distorted reality that they are desperately hanging on to as real) but maybe that will help. Obviously that's up to you. Or write down the thought clearly, without judgement and challenge your thinking. I know that I'm responsible for what my brain tells me. Ha! Sounds pretty weird when I write that. But if I can't change my own thoughts, who or what can? Yeah, alcohol, at first, but that's a complete and utter lie. The biggest distorted thought of them all.

Anna

I struggle with this too, and years ago, I found this link posted Morning Glory, our Administrator and it was so helpful to me:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

totfit

What you have going on right now sounds pretty familiar to me also. I think it unfortunately as natural for the point you are in at the moment. One thing I find is that I can't "think" my way out of "obsessive thoughts". That is just even more a part of the obsession. What I do or try to do is just do something else. Do anything and not try and "fix" what I am thinking, but just move a different direction. For me exercise is critical. I can also find solace in simple tasks such as household chores (manically at times), but I find that this gets me away from the obsessive thinking and as a bonus I get things done that need doing and have a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment as a result.

oldsoul1122

This sounds too simple but it works for me. I sing or hum ...anything. I'm using a part of my brain that blocks out the obsessive thoughts and emotions.

Strawman3125

Thanks for the suggestions! I have written down a list of things to try next time!

Anna - that article was good! Thanks for the link!