Have been doing a bit of thinking
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Have been doing a bit of thinking
The last few weeks especially I've struggled with my AV. I just had a rash thought and intended to post... Then thought about it and wasn't going to because it's a scary new goal, then realized that's exactly the reason I should post it. I didn't stop and think on February 10th when I logged in and committed to posting every day for 28 days... Which turned into a daily commitment to not drink.
But lately that doesn't feel enough to keep me going strong. Definitely each day requires commitment, but I feel as youth I'm giving myself an out at the moment... And I need to address that. So much like that first 28 day goal, which seemed daunting and scary, I feel the need to set a new, off in the distance goal to strive for. I obviously still have triggers that I must deal with, and as long as in the back of my mind "some day soon" feels like an option, then I cannot address those issues.
Being totally honest, I'm still not mentally in a place where I simply know that I can never drink again. But I also know that I cannot moderate. Deep down I know that when I have thoughts of drinking it isn't to just have one or two... I want to spend the rest of the day drinking... Period. Obviously a red flag.
So... The next goal, way off in the future, is to hit the one year mark. My hope is that over the next eight months, committing to myself that drinking is not an option, period, that I will be able to also address those triggers. Perhaps is is a bit of a mental game to play with myself, but I feel good in making this goal to continue on this journey for the next eight months, through tick and thin.
But lately that doesn't feel enough to keep me going strong. Definitely each day requires commitment, but I feel as youth I'm giving myself an out at the moment... And I need to address that. So much like that first 28 day goal, which seemed daunting and scary, I feel the need to set a new, off in the distance goal to strive for. I obviously still have triggers that I must deal with, and as long as in the back of my mind "some day soon" feels like an option, then I cannot address those issues.
Being totally honest, I'm still not mentally in a place where I simply know that I can never drink again. But I also know that I cannot moderate. Deep down I know that when I have thoughts of drinking it isn't to just have one or two... I want to spend the rest of the day drinking... Period. Obviously a red flag.
So... The next goal, way off in the future, is to hit the one year mark. My hope is that over the next eight months, committing to myself that drinking is not an option, period, that I will be able to also address those triggers. Perhaps is is a bit of a mental game to play with myself, but I feel good in making this goal to continue on this journey for the next eight months, through tick and thin.
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Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter 
... I feel good in making this goal to continue on this journey for the next eight months, through tick and thin.
When I first quit, it was a day to day, if not hour to hour struggle. One day at a time fit. But as I moved through my recovery the "one day" part of the saying rang like, "one day, I can drink."
As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear that I was never a normal drinker, was never going to turn into one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever.
It was as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was never going to drink again. Decision made. Triggers be damned.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 6
Hi,
This is my first day here, but one of the threads I found was your Accountability thread which has inspired me and actually made me realise I can do it, I am sure there will be bumps, but keep going, I will look forward to seeing you succeed.
This is my first day here, but one of the threads I found was your Accountability thread which has inspired me and actually made me realise I can do it, I am sure there will be bumps, but keep going, I will look forward to seeing you succeed.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
That's a noble goal, and we are all here for you. It's good that you are getting in front of the stagnation you are feeling and making a plan BEFORE it's too late. That's how it's done!
You indicated that you know you can't moderate and that you know that if you drink it would be excessive. Actually, that's one of the things that keeps me sober! It's good that you recognize that moderation is out of the question, as it seems to be the unattainable goal of almost every alcoholic at some point.
Stay strong and power on. You can do this!!
You indicated that you know you can't moderate and that you know that if you drink it would be excessive. Actually, that's one of the things that keeps me sober! It's good that you recognize that moderation is out of the question, as it seems to be the unattainable goal of almost every alcoholic at some point.
Stay strong and power on. You can do this!!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter
The last few weeks especially I've struggled with my AV. I just had a rash thought and intended to post... Then thought about it and wasn't going to because it's a scary new goal, then realized that's exactly the reason I should post it. I didn't stop and think on February 10th when I logged in and committed to posting every day for 28 days... Which turned into a daily commitment to not drink.
But lately that doesn't feel enough to keep me going strong. Definitely each day requires commitment, but I feel as youth I'm giving myself an out at the moment... And I need to address that. So much like that first 28 day goal, which seemed daunting and scary, I feel the need to set a new, off in the distance goal to strive for. I obviously still have triggers that I must deal with, and as long as in the back of my mind "some day soon" feels like an option, then I cannot address those issues.
Being totally honest, I'm still not mentally in a place where I simply know that I can never drink again. But I also know that I cannot moderate. Deep down I know that when I have thoughts of drinking it isn't to just have one or two... I want to spend the rest of the day drinking... Period. Obviously a red flag.
So... The next goal, way off in the future, is to hit the one year mark. My hope is that over the next eight months, committing to myself that drinking is not an option, period, that I will be able to also address those triggers. Perhaps is is a bit of a mental game to play with myself, but I feel good in making this goal to continue on this journey for the next eight months, through tick and thin.
But lately that doesn't feel enough to keep me going strong. Definitely each day requires commitment, but I feel as youth I'm giving myself an out at the moment... And I need to address that. So much like that first 28 day goal, which seemed daunting and scary, I feel the need to set a new, off in the distance goal to strive for. I obviously still have triggers that I must deal with, and as long as in the back of my mind "some day soon" feels like an option, then I cannot address those issues.
Being totally honest, I'm still not mentally in a place where I simply know that I can never drink again. But I also know that I cannot moderate. Deep down I know that when I have thoughts of drinking it isn't to just have one or two... I want to spend the rest of the day drinking... Period. Obviously a red flag.
So... The next goal, way off in the future, is to hit the one year mark. My hope is that over the next eight months, committing to myself that drinking is not an option, period, that I will be able to also address those triggers. Perhaps is is a bit of a mental game to play with myself, but I feel good in making this goal to continue on this journey for the next eight months, through tick and thin.
The year really let me get a taste of the pleasures of sobriety.
I wasn't as smart as you and thought I could moderate after 11/2 years but I couldn't, so now I'm sober for good this time--
no deadline.
However, at first I needed that "middle step" in my mind--so if a year seems like a good goal, go for it
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter
Deep down I know that when I have thoughts of drinking it isn't to just have one or two... I want to spend the rest of the day drinking... Period. Obviously a red flag.
Good luck with your goal, but you don't need luck - you've got this :-)
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well done, posting.
first time I took a serious run at sobriety, I quietly entertained visions of "some day".
I'd go to AA.... I'd do things that looked 'sober'. I made changes. I didn't drink.
But on some level I was just waiting.... waiting for the right moment to give it another shot. Biding time, 'showing myself' and others that I really didn't have a problem.
Along came the day I was to throw a party. It was over 5 months in. I figured, you know.... "I just need to be cautious about when, how and why I'm drinking". I had a grave talk with my mother about it... letting her know it was going to be fine. I expressed confidence to my family and to myself. I had simply needed a 'break'. I'd used that time to reflect and had seen the error in my ways. Alcohol was just something I'd misused. Those 26+ years of direct and compelling evidence that it was a much greater problem were merely coincidence.
Well... that party went fine. I had five or six sangrias through the night. Never got really drunk. Had fun, hosted a wonderful party. A SUCCESS!!
SEE!?!?!?! I TOLD you!!!! I'm fine... just...... FINE!!!!!
Which kicked of a binge that lasted a year and a half and ended with more blackouts than ever, more daily drinking than ever, waking to slam vodka more mornings than ever.... just to get right.
The upside of this 'experiment in field research' was that at least when I walked through the doors of AA again and logged on here, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to have a "some day". I knew that I wasn't going to be 'just taking a break'. I knew it was time to embrace a SOBER LIFE.
Congratulations on not drinking for as long as you have. Congratulations too on coming here and being honest and sharing your inner dialogue and the truth of what's going on for you.
And now you have a choice; you can take action, you can set forth purposefully to LIVE A SOBER LIFE.....
or - you can offer yourself another distraction while your inner alcoholic waits for Some Day to get here.
Ohhhhhh how our inner alcoholic loves to hear "I'll quit for a year". What a great way to get it licking its chops, rubbing its hands together and grinning like a maniac as it quietly marks down the days...... planning and plotting the biggest off-the-rails binge your life has ever seen.....
first time I took a serious run at sobriety, I quietly entertained visions of "some day".
I'd go to AA.... I'd do things that looked 'sober'. I made changes. I didn't drink.
But on some level I was just waiting.... waiting for the right moment to give it another shot. Biding time, 'showing myself' and others that I really didn't have a problem.
Along came the day I was to throw a party. It was over 5 months in. I figured, you know.... "I just need to be cautious about when, how and why I'm drinking". I had a grave talk with my mother about it... letting her know it was going to be fine. I expressed confidence to my family and to myself. I had simply needed a 'break'. I'd used that time to reflect and had seen the error in my ways. Alcohol was just something I'd misused. Those 26+ years of direct and compelling evidence that it was a much greater problem were merely coincidence.
Well... that party went fine. I had five or six sangrias through the night. Never got really drunk. Had fun, hosted a wonderful party. A SUCCESS!!
SEE!?!?!?! I TOLD you!!!! I'm fine... just...... FINE!!!!!
Which kicked of a binge that lasted a year and a half and ended with more blackouts than ever, more daily drinking than ever, waking to slam vodka more mornings than ever.... just to get right.
The upside of this 'experiment in field research' was that at least when I walked through the doors of AA again and logged on here, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to have a "some day". I knew that I wasn't going to be 'just taking a break'. I knew it was time to embrace a SOBER LIFE.
Congratulations on not drinking for as long as you have. Congratulations too on coming here and being honest and sharing your inner dialogue and the truth of what's going on for you.
And now you have a choice; you can take action, you can set forth purposefully to LIVE A SOBER LIFE.....
or - you can offer yourself another distraction while your inner alcoholic waits for Some Day to get here.
Ohhhhhh how our inner alcoholic loves to hear "I'll quit for a year". What a great way to get it licking its chops, rubbing its hands together and grinning like a maniac as it quietly marks down the days...... planning and plotting the biggest off-the-rails binge your life has ever seen.....
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Why not a goal to never drink? Ever? When I first quit, it was a day to day, if not hour to hour struggle. One day at a time fit. But as I moved through my recovery the "one day" part of the saying rang like, "one day, I can drink." As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear that I was never a normal drinker, was never going to turn into one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever. It was as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was never going to drink again. Decision made. Triggers be damned.
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So here's the thing - I've been pretty open and honest with my inner dialogue on this journey. And I get why the questions on "why not just commit to forever?"
But here's my truth today - if pressed to choose forever today - I would choose to drink. Forever doesn't feel remotely possible - and if I can't achieve that then why bother choosing to not drink today.
Given this truth, I can say that I will choose to not drink for the next 8 months and three days... Starting with today. This ain't me searching for some future out, because I realize that is how it appears... And under the surface maybe deep down there is some of that. But in order to remain sober today, this is the truth that I can attain.
But here's my truth today - if pressed to choose forever today - I would choose to drink. Forever doesn't feel remotely possible - and if I can't achieve that then why bother choosing to not drink today.
Given this truth, I can say that I will choose to not drink for the next 8 months and three days... Starting with today. This ain't me searching for some future out, because I realize that is how it appears... And under the surface maybe deep down there is some of that. But in order to remain sober today, this is the truth that I can attain.
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
fake it til you make it.... just don't let that 'temporary' commitment lead you to invest less than total effort TODAY. After all, TODAY is the most important goal in sobriety.
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Life is finite it has an end .
If i have $100 it is 10,000 cents one a day is 27 years … after 20 hard years of abuse thats probably the life i have left if i don't drink and eat healthy .
If i drink i might only have $10 of life left ..
I asked myself how many days i was going to chuck, lost into the drink bin , remembering that some of the people i dearly love only have maybe $10-20 left.
6 more summer olympics to see if i don't drink .
You get scarred when you think about not having a drink again ,
I get really scarred about the time i'd waste, life and living i'd loose if i did drink again.
I'm not sure how you get from where you are to where i am , but the difference in thinking was something worth pointing out i thought .
m
If i have $100 it is 10,000 cents one a day is 27 years … after 20 hard years of abuse thats probably the life i have left if i don't drink and eat healthy .
If i drink i might only have $10 of life left ..
I asked myself how many days i was going to chuck, lost into the drink bin , remembering that some of the people i dearly love only have maybe $10-20 left.
6 more summer olympics to see if i don't drink .
You get scarred when you think about not having a drink again ,
I get really scarred about the time i'd waste, life and living i'd loose if i did drink again.
I'm not sure how you get from where you are to where i am , but the difference in thinking was something worth pointing out i thought .
m
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This is an interesting topic. I'm very much a one day at a time guy. I do realize I can never drink again, but I still find that rather abrasive. It's the abrasion of it I'd like to dissipate, and I think that comes with a plan of recovery.
I think it comes down to acceptance - do I truly accept I can never drink again?
For me it's the opposite. If you told me I could drink in a month, I'd say, why can't I drink today then. I know what alcohol does to me, so I don't drink today. I also accept its not going away, so that means it's unwise for me to drink in the future. Now wrapping my head around all that and coming to terms with it is tricky part. That's why I have to remind myself what got me here.
I think it comes down to acceptance - do I truly accept I can never drink again?
For me it's the opposite. If you told me I could drink in a month, I'd say, why can't I drink today then. I know what alcohol does to me, so I don't drink today. I also accept its not going away, so that means it's unwise for me to drink in the future. Now wrapping my head around all that and coming to terms with it is tricky part. That's why I have to remind myself what got me here.
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That's a great goal. I think folks press people to think 'never' because they have tried what you're trying and for them it ultimately didn't work. That is just their experience.
And if you noticed with Doggon's post :As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear . Exactly...it became clear over time. I see exactly the same process taking place with you. Maybe not when he would like it to become clear, but it's becoming clear to you, at your pace. And Like Owl said, he tried and failed monumentally...so it become clear right at that point. That's where I am...and frankly have been for a long time. Knowing that my drinking can't be controlled and can kill me hasn't always been enough. But that's another story.
If and when you get to the point where you think, I got this, I am cured and can control my drinking? Think very carefully and come here to talk about it.
I guess you're about 4 months? That is huge!
And if you noticed with Doggon's post :As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear . Exactly...it became clear over time. I see exactly the same process taking place with you. Maybe not when he would like it to become clear, but it's becoming clear to you, at your pace. And Like Owl said, he tried and failed monumentally...so it become clear right at that point. That's where I am...and frankly have been for a long time. Knowing that my drinking can't be controlled and can kill me hasn't always been enough. But that's another story.
If and when you get to the point where you think, I got this, I am cured and can control my drinking? Think very carefully and come here to talk about it.
I guess you're about 4 months? That is huge!
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Originally Posted by ICanDoBetter
But here's my truth today - if pressed to choose forever today - I would choose to drink. Forever doesn't feel remotely possible - and if I can't achieve that then why bother choosing to not drink today.
At least not in my recovery.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Thinking more about this today I realized that at some stage my thoughts shifted from I can't drink forever to choose sobriety. It occurs to me that I don't really think about forever or never drinking again comma I simply greet each day and remind myself that I choose silver I choose a sober life I choose to live my life as fully and deeply as I can. I think getting rid of the idea of forever or I can never drink again and shifting instead to the life that I do choose to have made it a lot easier for me and in a sense it was the choice to never drink again put in a more positive light
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The concept of "forever" can be difficult and I understand you don't want to set yourself up for failure.
In my case, embracing "forever" allowed me to redefine my self concept and set me up mentally for success.
Two facts about me:
1. I have hazel eyes.
2. I don't drink.
While only one of those facts are a choice- I see them both with equal permanence and frame my decisions accordingly. This is Steven Cocpvey's "Begin with the end in mind" principal.
An alternative way of looking at things is the "Forest Gump" principal. Forest just "felt like running" and ended up accomplishing an epic feat. This aligns with the one day at a time principal.
Clearly, the best approach depends on the individual, and approaches sometimes evolve over time.
I just wanted to reach out and let you know that "forever" is not always as intimidating as it sounds and wish you the best as you tackle your next alcohol-free goal.
In my case, embracing "forever" allowed me to redefine my self concept and set me up mentally for success.
Two facts about me:
1. I have hazel eyes.
2. I don't drink.
While only one of those facts are a choice- I see them both with equal permanence and frame my decisions accordingly. This is Steven Cocpvey's "Begin with the end in mind" principal.
An alternative way of looking at things is the "Forest Gump" principal. Forest just "felt like running" and ended up accomplishing an epic feat. This aligns with the one day at a time principal.
Clearly, the best approach depends on the individual, and approaches sometimes evolve over time.
I just wanted to reach out and let you know that "forever" is not always as intimidating as it sounds and wish you the best as you tackle your next alcohol-free goal.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I like that, Ultra....
Also it reminds me of a simple fact; "Forever" is basically the same thing as "Today".
Tomorrow, next week, the end of the year, 2055..... these are all just imaginary concepts. They don't exist.
The only actual place we can drink or not drink is RIGHT NOW. Today.
Also it reminds me of a simple fact; "Forever" is basically the same thing as "Today".
Tomorrow, next week, the end of the year, 2055..... these are all just imaginary concepts. They don't exist.
The only actual place we can drink or not drink is RIGHT NOW. Today.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
This is great advice!
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Why not a goal to never drink? Ever?
When I first quit, it was a day to day, if not hour to hour struggle. One day at a time fit. But as I moved through my recovery the "one day" part of the saying rang like, "one day, I can drink."
As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear that I was never a normal drinker, was never going to turn into one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever.
It was as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was never going to drink again. Decision made. Triggers be damned.
When I first quit, it was a day to day, if not hour to hour struggle. One day at a time fit. But as I moved through my recovery the "one day" part of the saying rang like, "one day, I can drink."
As I worked through my recovery though, it became clear that I was never a normal drinker, was never going to turn into one, and therefore could never drink again. Ever.
It was as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was never going to drink again. Decision made. Triggers be damned.
I will say that during my early sobriety a lot of times I would tell my self things like "if i can just make it to lunch, i'll drink at lunch" and lunch would come and I'd promise myself a drink when I got off. When I got off I'd have to tell myself "I'll feed the dogs and do xxxx and then I''ll drink." And then before I knew it I was going to bed SOBER and I'd tell myself I'd drink tomorrow.
I really used to get so overwhelmed thinking about never drinking again. But that is why ONE DAY AT A TIME is so brilliant.
I promise that if you keep working the steps and keep your contact with your HP and ask him for guidance, the obsession to drink will be removed.
Keep fighting<3
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