enoughTimeOut

I have from the start enjoyed the use of cocaine going back around 13 years. Generally weekend usage and some longer binges.

Over just 3 months I have been using basically daily. I've not seen it as much of a problem its dealt with fatigue I've been suffering, I feel more on the ball and can get anything done, even use it pre-workout weight training. Even using at work is the norm now.

Just the last week blood when clearing nose and this week nasua and vomiting which at times contains blood. I can have my head over the toilet for 20 minutes wrenching. Then to get up and rail a line or 2.

Decided enough is enough its 06:47 up all night, been really ill through the night yet still didn't stop me up until 30-40mins ago and only because I ran out.

I've previous addictions to alcohol and diazepam and know unlike them this isn't a physical addiction but right now although I'm saying no more it's very hard to get my head around.

Dee74

Hi and welcome enoughTimeOut

I have no experience with coke but others surely will,. What I do know is that the sooner you jump off the merry go round, the easier it will be to walk away.

You'll find a lot of support here - and a few ideas too

D

Determined82

Hey ETO
I know EXACTLY what your going through as I have the same problem. I don't use daily but I have been using for about 10 years. The last 4 years has seen my usage increase from a once a month 2 day binge session to 1-2 times a week now. Everytime use the following day I swear I'm not going to touch it again only to forget this a few days later. Psychologically I find the cravings immense and so hard to not give into. Like you I know these are not physical but I believe they are equally intense. I'm on day 2 and I feel like a train wreck. I'm so malnourished there's literally nothing left of me
I really cannot do this anymore and Will use this forum a lot in the early days to keep reminding myself that cocaine is bad... Really bad
I'm here if you wanna jump on chat and I'll be keeping tabs on your diary. Together we CAN do this!

enoughTimeOut

Thanks for the reply. Going to try and get some sleep as already telling myself to make a call and deal with it tomorrow... Sensible enough right now to know that would only be lying to myself.

Sleeping tablet hopefully get me some sleep. Then see what today brings when I wake up :/

Determined82

Good idea!
Whatever you do... DONT get anymore. This won't help.. If you can't sleep I can jump on chat with you. Hopefully you'll be out like a light in no time though

enoughTimeOut

Thanks determined and well done on day 2.

The physiological grip is certainly immense. I'm not even malnourished the now as I work out and it does make me go longer and harder, as for eating I manage ok but a lot is made up with meal replacement shakes and mass gainers.

I'll post once I wake up, that's if I sleep , it's not that I'm not tired its known there's none there to wake up too.

Determined82

I'm about to have a protein shake right now. My stomach has shrunk over the last two days and appetite is gone. I don't understand how some people manage to eat whilst on it. It completely staunches my appetite. I understand about having nobody to wake up to. 7-8 years ago I would use with mates that all had partners and when it was time to leave id hate having to go home alone with nobody to cuddle up to. Perhaps that's what you could do later on today... Get yourself on an Internet dating site

Soberwolf

I got clean from coke been almost 4 years best decision I ever made getting sober and clean 34 now and I want you guys to know it is possible

Determined82

I remember you soberwolf! Glad to hear you're still clean... How did you beat those cravings in the early stages. What did you find helped the most?

enoughTimeOut

So sleeping tablet eventually kicked in got up around 4pm to none. Normally I'll have 3 lines set out for waking

Made it till I started work at 6pm, hunger was unbelievable so ordered a Chinese. Kept thinking make that call be dropped off in to time but never. Did have a double vodka. Been back in the house about 20mins, 12.30am and tired and still just thinking it's a call away. Fighting it going to have a couple of beers and a sleeping tablet as tired or not the cravings won't allow sleep and possibly win.

Shouldn't be drinking I know but the lesser of the two evils right now.

Also I've not been sick at all today, huge plus

enoughTimeOut

Well done mate 29 here. Got a friend your age suffered 2 heart attacks last year and he had been quiet for years and hasn't abused stims, alcohol the way I have and hasn't abused other substances that I have. That was scary, it's weird though fear doesn't stop you. Does put things in to perspective though.

Determined82

Hey
Don't beat yourself up too much about the drink. You can always address that after you've address the gear.
The main thing is you didn't give into temptation and so hopefully you're waking up this morning fully sober and feeling good. Keep going mate

Soberwolf

Getting through cravings for me was initially 3 intense days of WDs it's a good idea speaking to a Dr to ask for help

Once I was over the first 3 days it was basically I had enough coke was ruining my life I hardly eat slept etc

Best decision I've ever made

make full use of the support here make a day 1 stick to it and i promise you you will not regret it

RedManc7

I abused cocaine for best part of 20 years. Psychological cravings are intense really intense but they do pass. Stay strong and don't pay too much attention to your thoughts - i would be thinking crazy stuff being really hard on myself when I didn't have any more Of the Devils dandruff make sure you acknowledge that your head will go west for a bit and you'll beat yourself up about stuff - don't give your thoughts too much energy at this stage pal.

finaltime

How are we doing? Thinking about you!!!!