madgirl

So a neighbor texted me a few hours ago and invited me to a bunco/raclette game night with other neighbor ladies this Saturday night. I've mentioned in previous posts that I live in a large development, and any socializing with other adults in my experience has involved large amounts of alcohol.

I've no reason to think this Saturday will be any different. This particular neighbor knows I quit drinking because she'd asked my teenage son to tell me to come over sometime and drink some wine with her, and he told her "mom quit!"

Anyway, I can't hide in my house forever. New job soon and - you know - life. I have to face social situations at some point.

I'm at day 60 today, and even if I have to white knuckle the whole evening, I am NOT going to drink out of pure stubbornness.

Do you guys think it's too soon? Oh - and what the hell is raclette?

least

If you feel strong in your sobriety, I see no problem with it. Bring your own non alcoholic drinks. I have no idea what raclette is!

doggonecarl

raclette is party food. Bunco a dice game. There's a version that's a drinking game.

Sophisticated Drinking Games: Bunco Night | This Girl Walks Into A Bar

I know what I'd do.

ccam1973

Have no idea what raclette is!

If you feel confident that you can handle it then go for it. My opinion is to give yourself the best chance at staying sober. For some that's not hanging around old acquaintances for 12 months, for others only a couple of weeks. Just make sure you are committed and this isn't an attempt by your AV to lure you in. You've got to be strong here, because you will be tempted.

I would just map out a clear plan for if your AV kicks in when you are with your friends. Have an escape plan just in case, to get you out of a sticky situation.

Like Least said, bring your own drinks and plenty of them.

ScottFromWI

You say these events involved large amounts of alcohol in the past. Was that just you consuming the large amounts or everyone? I personally have found that some of the events I used to attend were filled with lots of alcohol because I was there. Our annual hunting trip for example - once I started showing up sober and not bringing half of a liquor store with me, the amount of drinking that took place decreased pretty significantly.

But if the group is known to drink a lot and promote drinking by others, I'd find a different crowd to hang with.

Another way to look at it is this: Will it be a card game that also involves some people drinking? Or will it be a drinking activity with some people playing cards? It can be both. If it's the first I'd consider attending. If it's the second I'd stay home.

tomsteve

if you like white knuckling it, go.
if youre tired of white knuckling it dont.

i dont think white knuckling it and goin to an event where alcohol was a main theme would be very fun.

aNewEternity

ultimately it's up to you to make the decision not to drink. no situation or 'slippery place' can make you drink or pour a drink down your throat.

however, there are things you can do to ease your mind, either telling a friend about your predicament, bringing along soda, whatever works. even leave early if you're feeling uncomfortable, and don't worry about giving off a strange impression to others, you have to take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else.

madgirl

In all likelihood, Scott, it will be the second scenario you presented.

Part of me is wondering if this neighbor is baiting me with the whole invite - I am not exactly close with anyone in this neighborhood, and even when I was actively drinking, I thought their antics were stupid (doing shots and listening to horrible music ha).

I wasn't really a social drunk per se - more of a "put my headphones on and listen to music" drunk.

madgirl

Okay doggonecarl - ugh. It's going to be a group of moms getting wasted - at least according to that linked article.

Yeah, I'm going to pass. That situation will just make me feel MORE lonely, not less. (I would NOT have had a drink but it doesn't sound like very much fun.)

ScottFromWI

Sounds to me like it's not something I'd want to be involved with, even with the alcohol taken out of the equation.

madgirl

All of these women have kids - from babies to teenagers. All of them would tell you they want their kids to have good futures and to avoid drugs and alcohol, and yet get them all together and you'd think it's Spring Break circa 1997. WTH.

Sorry. Rant over.

doggonecarl

Find something fun to do Saturday night. Then you can RSVP with "Sorry, but I have plans. "

madgirl

That's actually a good plan carl - really good. Hmmm. Maybe a play or something cool I actually like.

Anna

The thing is Madgirl, you CAN socialize without alcohol being involved. But, it takes lifestyle changes, maybe finding new interests and meeting new people, or planning coffee dates with the women in your neighborhood, rather than Saturday night drinking. Bottom line is that you can socialize and you don't need to sit home and do nothing.

madgirl

Thanks everyone. I probably would have accepted the invitation just so I don't look like I am snubbing everyone, and then suffered through the outing feeling like an outsider.

I am going to find something else to do and tell her I have plans. She lives across the street so she'll see if I am home. Maybe I'll suggest to family that we should go to the aquarium, or to a play, or something out of the ordinary.

You're right Anna - I mean, I've isolated the past 60 days but I have gotten out - hikes, yoga, walking my dog, YWCA, and then when I am home in the evenings, I've been using the heck out of our Amazon Prime subscription and watching all these interesting movies. It hasn't been awful, to be honest.

tomsteve

welp, madgirl, whether your plans involve going out or staying home and enjoying and evening on the couch, if neighbors have a problem with you doing that...
its their problem.
not only sobriety do i have to protect, but my peace and serenity,too.

i will say i used to be concerned with what everyone else thought of me. it took quite a bit for me to get it from my head to my heart that im not here to please them.

Para

In your situation, I'd probably take another sober person with me...for example...my sister..who isn't an alcoholic and never drinks. Do you know anyone that doesn't drink who you could bring along that can be sober with you.

Also, why not host a non-alcoholic get together one day - you can pick the party theme. Be creative with it.

And last but not least, if you must go, and you have the will power..why not bring our own non-alcoholic drinks. You can be apple ciders and peach sparkling non alcoholic drinks. They sell them at the grocery stores. You can pour it into a nice wine glass and sip. Just so you have something in your hand that tastes good and isn't alcohol.

Dee74

You can't hide in your house forever no, but it's not like the other alternatives are this gather and sitting alone at home

I did not want to drink again. For a while hat meant turning down invites where I knew there'd be drinking.

I did other things - coffee dates, movies, pizza, picnics - but I stayed away from alcohol until I was sure nothing or noone could sway me.

I still think that time away from booze was one of the best investments I ever made.

lyddie

FYI - Raclette is a cheese fondue which is usually made with a lot of wine. If you change your mind and decide to go, you really should check how the raclette was made before trying it.

entropy1964

Oh my, bunco was drunco when I played it years ago. If you feel you'll have to white knuckle maybe it's too soon?