story74

I have a question...
My x is like a roller coaster. His DOC is.cocaine. Long story short, he abandoned, cheated and we are divorced. We have a child together and he gets supervised visits. He has disappeared and reappeared countless times. It has taken me awhile (denial) that when he is MIA he is using. Usually he comes back from MIA angry and difficult. Then, usually, he calms down and is nice... Hints of his old self. I finally get it now. I figure when he is nice he is trying to be sober. When he is angry and moody...using. Would you agree?

Also, he is STILL hanging out with the same people he was 5 years ago when he started to use.

Of course he swears he is sober. He is great at faking/charming.

So, ya think he is still using? Last time he disappeared was for 3/weeks in Feb. Total no call no show to visits. Then he came back all angry and moody. But the past 3/weeks he has been nice and easy to deal with.

This must be the worst struggle ever.
If only he knew how.much we missed him and loved him, but my gaurd is always up. I never know what I am going to get with him.

What is he going through? Can anyone fill me in on what he is feeling?

Thanks for reading this, and remember there is someone out there that loves you so much!

finaltime

Welcome. I understand your frustration. Best to take care of you and your daughter, attend alanon meetings if you can. you can't control him. Powerless over what he does. As an addict myself, and mother, I can see how frustrating this has to be. Thank god your child has you.

There is a friends and family forum you can also post in. get some more support. I pray he can find the help he needs.

Stay strong.

RedManc7

Same friends, they all users? MIA for addicts usually means the mother of all benders & then maybe dealing with the comedown with whoever wherever. I don't know of any group of addicts who've cleaned their acts collectively. Out of my inner circle of heroin friends from Sydney one has moved to Cape Town with his family for a fresh start doing great and clean, one went back to the UK (I couldn't risk home right now personally) and he has took longer but he is clean now. Another moved state to Queensland and Is off heroin as well. I think she see's it more as a break though than a full change. I've moved to Asia recently where I'm still clean and there no temptation. One is still in Sydney and finally went into rehab (he had the nastiest addiction - tried to drink himself to death for 5 years he couldn't so he became a junkie) he been in 6m, long way to go still but his ex wife said he'd never see his boy again if he didn't go into rehab. 3 others are still bang at it and have the longest habits out of all of us so I think they unlikely to change. I'm not in contact with any of the 3. None of us are.
I know none of us could mix with each other as a group again and I certainly couldn't kick about the guys who are still using anymore.

Sounds a tough situation for you I hope you can figure out what you need to do.