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Quiet days

Old 05-14-2016, 12:41 PM
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Quiet days

I'm not sure if I'm in the right place, or if there is a spot on this forum for what I came here looking for. I, myself, don't drink......Im here because my boyfriend of 5 years has a drinking problem. It has caused a lot of rocky times for us. But we're still together and going strong. Well shakey at times, but so much love that it's not gonna be moved! It's hard at times and I feel like things only get worse over time. I'm not coping as well as I was at first either.

Basically I'm looking for people living in a similar situation, with a problem drinker family member or partner. Is this the right place?
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:10 PM
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Hey, I'm a problem drinker/alcoholic/whatever. I can say that a lot of the things I've done, I wouldn't have done while sober. Especially the violence. I think violence may be part of the human condition, but it all comes out when you're intoxicated. I hope you're safe.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:14 PM
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You can post anywhere, but may find our friends and family forum helpful to your situation.

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Old 05-14-2016, 01:31 PM
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:33 PM
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Old 05-14-2016, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by vulturine View Post
Hey, I'm a problem drinker/alcoholic/whatever. I can say that a lot of the things I've done, I wouldn't have done while sober. Especially the violence. I think violence may be part of the human condition, but it all comes out when you're intoxicated. I hope you're safe.
Hey. Thanks. I agree, violence is totally part of the human condition. I am safe, so far. Things have been escalating. It's hard to feel safe anymore. My bf has had a drinking problem from the beginning. But he was sober for one year, 2012-2013. Things have gotten worse progressively. He broke a hand punching a wall a little over a year ago. And a while, maybe 7 months, he almost got violent with me. I was so scared. And then two weeks ago, he said something while drunk. Not so much a threat, but an honest statement of the desire to hurt me. (a lot of times I realise that being drunk just brings the most raw emotions to the surface in their most potent form)
I am slowly getting more and more afraid something will happen one day. The stress is pulling me apart at the seams. I don't think I could stay with him if he got violent and I dont think I'd have the resolve to leave him either. I used to get angry at his drinking problem. But I have become increasingly aware of the fact he is suffering. He needs help more than I can know. And I feel bad.

It's almost impossible to keep things calm when he drinks. The slightest thing can set off a mood change to extreme anger or sadness or joy. And sometimes there was no trigger at all. Its hard to follow.

Did you ever find there was something that you recognized was a trigger? Or maybe there was something you found always grounded you?

When the guardians of the galaxy movie came out. He loved that. And he listened to the sound track for ages! One time, he was particularly upset, in a very heavily drunk state. He seemed really in the lows. Suicidal. And I put on those songs and it got us through. I have no idea what to do about anger. Probably because I'm not very good with anger myself.
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Old 05-14-2016, 06:19 PM
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Violence may be part of the human condition (not sure I accept that but I will for arguments sake here) but that doesn't mean I have to accept it.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I wish I knew what I know now back then.

Violence or threats of violence are totally unacceptable to me no matter how much I love the person or how drunk they may be.

Please, do keep yourself safe, Natasha.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

D
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Old 05-15-2016, 02:07 AM
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Thanks

Thank you for all the welcoming. I'm glad I came here.
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Old 05-15-2016, 02:16 AM
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Safe

Thank you Dee74
I know abuse when I see it, and I'm so vigilant and maybe that's why I'm here. I grew up with an abusive father, no drinking involved. He was bad at times and at others only used words. The day my mother told us kids she was leaving him, I wanted to jump up and let out the biggest 'yay' in history, but I looked over and saw my brother crying. I had never seen him cry from non physical pain. So I held it in.

I am entirely and most devotedly attached to my partner. And this is the scariest part. If he ever becomes abusive. I don't know what will happen.

I've read some things here, on the topic of control. And some people have said they realized they needed to work on themselves. Do I need to? Or rather can I? Is there room for improvement? I have pretty much relinquished control.

In recent months I have become more aware of the fact that this is a disease he is suffering from. Not a choice he is making that hurts us both. I don't blame him, I don't try to stop him. I only try to ask him to go get help.

Well, I did sort of plead with him last night not to go to the liquor store and get another bottle. It didn't work. So I guess I learned that lesson.
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Old 05-15-2016, 02:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Violence may be part of the human condition (not sure I accept that but I will for arguments sake here) but that doesn't mean I have to accept it.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I wish I knew what I know now back then.

Violence or threats of violence are totally unacceptable to me no matter how much I love the person or how drunk they may be.

Please, do keep yourself safe, Natasha.

D
Thank you, and I'm truely saddened to hear you went through that. I'm happy you got that out of your life. No one should have to live with that.

Happy healing
Many hugs!
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