Lightning Bug

I feel dull, emotionless, indifferent. I would describe my manner as flat. I have come to hate alcohol and all it represents. I have moved on from it. But this strange robotic behavior and static thinking is bothering me. Why am I feeling this way? I am not depressed, per say, but I am dull. There is no desire, motivation, interest, or action. Am I really this dull? With the highs gone, am I really this empty shell? What happened to me? Is this why I drank? To get away from the reality of me?

I don't know. But I don't like it.

Para

Earthsteps - I know exactly how you feel. I am not at 14 days yet, but almost there.
This morning I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to mope, and I had that dull feeling you have. Alcohol in the beginning would always give me that little kick to get started.
But a friend, my sister and her two year old and 4 year old came over. Cuddling with the little ones go me out of myself.
And as someone advised me - just be gentle with myself - that's what I tried to do. I even treated myself to a big slice of lemon meringue pie. One of my faves.

The dullness is still there, but as it seems when I hear from people that have been sober for a long long time, it gets better. Let's just believe that.

Lightning Bug

I am a hard worker, always give my best at work. I don't mess around. The last three days all I have done was surf the Internet. I put in maybe 10 percent. It is like I am drained. Drained of effort.

Anna

In my case, the adrenaline rush became a second addiction. I had to hide my drinking and I always drank at home, alone. It became a challenge to buy alcohol, sneak it into the house and hide it. And, sadly I became hooked on the adrenaline rush. When I stopped drinking, I had to shift my perspective it didn't take long to love how peaceful my life became.

SuperMario

I know exactly how you feel - I don't know who this person is. I got so used to the drunk me, I knew the ins and outs, and that person felt everything so powerfully - anger, sadness, love, happiness, excitement. It suddenly feels that since I've quit drinking, the world is drained of colour. All my emotions are muted. Nothing really seems to have much meaning right now. It's terrifying and it sucks.

bluedog97

When I was younger, I drank to enhance whatever I was doing. The last few years, my life is pretty uneventful and I drank to create the illusion of excitement I sought. Take away the booze and we are just left with life - reality. Occasionally reality is exciting, but a lot of the time it just is what it is. Getting used to that is an adjustment. Life on life's terms. I think what you're going through is normal. There is a mourning process that happens. You're best friend has turned on you and you need to let him go.

Keep posting, go to an AA meeting, get some counseling, take a walk, etc. And don't pick up.

Dee74

It's *very* common to feel flat in the early recovery period.

We really did a number on ourselves physically and mentally, and I think sometimes we forget or underestimate that?

You will feel that joy of life again - don't fear

D

neferkamichael

Earthsteps, 14 days is just FANTASTIC, congratulations. That AV(addicted voice) inside your head is a mean, SOB, and will use every trick in the book to trip you up so just hang in there and you'll be okay, rootin for ya.

thomas11

I can understand not liking it, but please take it, accept it. It is so much better than the other end of the spectrum, which is alcoholic insanity. Things like going to a hotel to drink, losing your phone and cracking your head on the toilet....

You are doing really good.

Lightning Bug

So very true!

Nonsensical

Google "anhedonia and alcohol" for more info, but here is the short version:

-Drinking/drugging causes pleasure (dopamine) spikes
-Persistent drinking/drugging causes persistent pleasure spikes
-It's bad for survival to sit around gloriously numb all the time so the brain reacts by increasing the level of dopamine necessary to feel pleasure. (the hedonic setpoint)
-Then you quit drinking/drugging
-You can't produce enough dopamine to feel pleasure (anhedonia)
-Your brain reacts by lowering the dopamine level necessary to feel pleasure
-You feel pleasure again without drinking/drugging

Your condition is temporary. Seems to last about 90 - 180 days. Be patient, it is totally worth it!

You can do this!

Mountainmanbob

Very common -- very common.
You have come through the first two weeks -- some don't.
Things will start to smooth out -- hang tight today.
Bob

Lightning Bug

Oh thank you! Science I can relate to. I will Google. Thank you.

IcedVoVo

Me too. Right with you on Day 9. This is why many people quit, but it's temporary. I think my brain is 'resting'..it's kinda sick and is being a big 'ol bore but I will let it- the poor thing! . This is the hardest part. Thank you very much for this post.

Red

entropy1964

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I experience this at times too but I know, for me, its just part of the repertoire of 'feelings' (or lack there of) that I have at times.

Alcohol abuse also creates strong neuropathways and kind of hijacks your dopamine response so I think in early sobriety it is normal to have trouble releasing this hormone that is so tied to 'enjoyment'. See anhedonia.

Have you tried adding exercise to your recovery plan?

Para

How are you feeling today?
I woke up feeling blah again today. But i'm going to force myself to get on with the day. Fake it until you make it.

I do miss the illusion of excitement that the initial phase of drinking brings, but i'm sticking to sober today. It's good to know that eventually this feeling passes.

Lonelywombat67

90 to 180 days! What fresh h$&l is that? Oh man, I am so crabby and down in the dumps today.

The Condition Many Recovering Addicts And Alcoholics Don't Know About

Venecia

Early sobriety is not a walk in the park.

Compared to alcoholism, though, it's OK. More than OK. The important thing in the short term is to keep your eyes on the prize. Get through it one day at a time.

Remember that our brains need time, just like the rest of our bodies. So do our souls.

Aellyce

Hi earthsteps,

Like others said, these feelings are very common. This is only one area where introducing new, positive, rewarding healthy activities can help. Do your days include activities you enjoy and find uplifting in general (even if not in every moment)? I find that planning fun can be helpful, I like to have that as part of my general recovery plan.

What I do when I am feeling flat is to force myself to engage in one of these things, motivation or not. I often find that the inspiration arrives on the go (while doing something) and not something that just happens magically by wishing it. Often something as simple as a walk can help, or a pleasant conversation, watching a movie, listening to uplifting music, reading a few pages from a book, even a nice meal. I think it's best not to make it too complicated in early sobriety, just small and easy things. I find that as these activities become part of a routine (new habits), they also start to become intrinsically rewarding and it gets easier and easier to start. We need to re-train our brains: unlearn old bad habits and learn/stabilize new healthy ones. Also, I think it helps to accept that we won't feel happy and motivated at all times and that a little dullness every now and then is part of normal sober life.

Congrats on on 14 days

CaseyW

Congratulations on two weeks, Earthsteps! As others have said, that feeling flat is a very common part of early recovery. Lot of great advice in this thread already, so I'll just say that you're in my thoughts today. Keep on doing the next right thing and it'll get better, I promise. Hundreds if not thousands of examples of this right here on these forums.