AM may have fallen off the wagon
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 36
AM may have fallen off the wagon
If you go back and read my old threads from around a year ago, you'll see that my AM got sober but never entered recovery. She has been in a wonderful relationship for the last 6 months and has been turning back into the person I knew. But it seems that she may have fallen off the wagon today and I'm returning to SR to re-read all the stickies, to read others' posts, and get myself back to a state of detachment.
Right now I feel queasy. If she has started a bender now that her bf is out of town (he just left this morning!) She could really ruin the life she has been building with him and honestly wi th out him she will likely become dysfunctional and suicidal again. I know, I need to put away the crystal ball. But I'm terrified. My son is almost a year old and just recently I've allowed myself to believe he might have any meaningful relationship with his grandmother.
And this brings up the trauma of last year's events, when I was due to give birth and she completely went off the deep end when I really needed her. It brings up all the pain of growing up feeling like I was second place to her issues. I'm sorry I'm just ranting. Time to go read up about codependency again and get my head on straight.
Right now I feel queasy. If she has started a bender now that her bf is out of town (he just left this morning!) She could really ruin the life she has been building with him and honestly wi th out him she will likely become dysfunctional and suicidal again. I know, I need to put away the crystal ball. But I'm terrified. My son is almost a year old and just recently I've allowed myself to believe he might have any meaningful relationship with his grandmother.
And this brings up the trauma of last year's events, when I was due to give birth and she completely went off the deep end when I really needed her. It brings up all the pain of growing up feeling like I was second place to her issues. I'm sorry I'm just ranting. Time to go read up about codependency again and get my head on straight.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Oh goodness I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It must be awful to have seen progress in your Mom, even if she did not get into any kind of program, and then have her throw it all away.
I'm glad you decided to get back to _your_ recovery. Please vent all you want, that is what SoberRecovery is for.
Mike
I'm glad you decided to get back to _your_ recovery. Please vent all you want, that is what SoberRecovery is for.
Mike
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 36
Wow, 10 months later and I could've almost written this same post again.
Here I am, almost 9 months pregnant with baby #2, and feeling these same feelings from last May. After the (confirmed) bender that occurred, AM went dry again and has over the past year become a close part of mine and my son's lives. Tonight it seems she has fallen off the wagon (same trigger, bf away and staying at my sister's house). And it is even worse because I had started to let my guard down. I trust(ed) her alone with my son. She has been emotionally and physically supportive in our lives. He loves her and gets so excited when he hears she is coming to see him. I am feeling very sad that that might all change if this isn't another one-off. If she goes back down the rabbit hole.
So back to the stickies I go, back to making contingency plans (she and her bf are/were supposed to watch DS when I go into labor), back to acknowledging the beast that is alcoholism. I've had to pull my head out of the sand with a heavy heart.
So back to the stickies I go, back to making contingency plans (she and her bf are/were supposed to watch DS when I go into labor), back to acknowledging the beast that is alcoholism. I've had to pull my head out of the sand with a heavy heart.
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