Wow, 10 months later and I could've almost written this same post again.
Here I am, almost 9 months pregnant with baby #2, and feeling these same feelings from last May. After the (confirmed) bender that occurred, AM went dry again and has over the past year become a close part of mine and my son's lives. Tonight it seems she has fallen off the wagon (same trigger, bf away and staying at my sister's house). And it is even worse because I had started to let my guard down. I trust(ed) her alone with my son. She has been emotionally and physically supportive in our lives. He loves her and gets so excited when he hears she is coming to see him. I am feeling very sad that that might all change if this isn't another one-off. If she goes back down the rabbit hole.
So back to the stickies I go, back to making contingency plans (she and her bf are/were supposed to watch DS when I go into labor), back to acknowledging the beast that is alcoholism. I've had to pull my head out of the sand with a heavy heart.