jada1981

So, I've been getting along pretty well lately. I've been focusing on myself and find myself less stressed out, not so tired all the time and have actually been working out regularly. AH found an apartment and will be moving out at the end of this month. Things between us have been amicable still, but for a couple weeks now, I've been ready for him to move out just so I can really move on with this next phase of my life.

I do okay, but Sunday evenings seem a bit harder. The weather has gotten nicer here in the Seattle area and last night, I was making dinner, he was grilling steaks outside and I just got that feeling of sadness back. Now that I think about it more, it was sadness for losing the dream of being a happy couple and family. I still know that moving on from him is the best decision for me, but the sadness came back again.

Also, it's very strange because he has been talking about me finding someone new. On Saturday, I went out with some girlfriends and he was telling me how he has no problem with me dating and he hopes I find a great guy. He's said this a few times now, telling me he won't be jealous, etc. I'm nowhere ready to date at all, but him saying this bothers me a bit, I guess. I mean, did our 13-year relationship mean nothing to him?

LexieCat

I call that a big QUACK. Whistling in the graveyard. And also more than a bit manipulative on his part. He wants you to think about the fact that HE'LL be dating, too. It's a little dig. You'll feel a lot better once he's out of there.

redatlanta

Quackery.

He is fishing to find out if you are dating, or seeing someone.

firebolt

Yeah, at the end, my X kept talking about the man I will marry....so odd. Who knows the train of thought...it's all part of the crazy.

On Sundays, can you start a new happy routine? An hour with a book, a Sunday drive, coffee with the girls? If Sunday sucks, you can change it!

Curlyq268

Jada - Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay to be sad. The best thing to do is embrace it. Don't try to run from it. It's going to be hard at first and certain things (like a Sunday) may be especially hard. We've all been there. I still struggle sometimes when it comes to tackling those "relationship traditions" that my EXABF and I had. Just this past weekend, I went to my first concert in the city without him. It was hard. Really really hard. And of course, everything around me reminded me of him (did they really have to play THAT song as the encore?!?) But in the end, I got through it. And I had a blast! Were the memories of "us" and the 13 years of "us" surrounding me? Yes. But just as firebolt suggested, you start new "traditions". As time passes, things get easier and the sadness doesn't come around as often. You adopt new routines and before you know it, those "triggers" don't trigger that much anymore. And if the sadness does creep in every once in a while, try to focus on everything you've learned from the relationship, focus on the good times that you shared. Not because you yearn for them, but because in the end, you shared happy memories with someone you loved.

jada1981

Thanks for this, Lexie. It's always good to post here because I know I can get some good feedback! Yes, I agree. I think right now, I can't fully heal while he is still living here.

jada1981

Yes, you're right! I honestly think Sundays are somewhat of a trigger for me too. There were so many times STBXAH was drinking and lying about it on Sundays. I'm really not sure. I think paired with the fact that a lot of times our weekends would be stressful...I just think there's this weird thing I have with Sundays. Once he gets his apt, I'm thinking Sunday may be a good day for him to have the kids so I can kind of just start a new tradition of focusing on me that day.

HHTexas

Agreed. Fishing for a reaction. Will be much much better when he's out.

Sundays were my worst days. Seems like the ex always relapsed or was otherwise bad off on Sundays. Now my Sundays are pretty darn pleasant