FireSprite

{Just venting here - I'm not looking to manage this in any way}


Sometimes, it's a lot like watching a horror movie, isn't it?

You want to yell at the vapid character on the screen to "Stop! Don't walk barefoot into the dark woods with all the scary sounds... RUN the OTHER way! What are you Doing??

It's like that, a little bit, when you see all the red flags of potential problems in the relationship because you've gotten so much better educated at all this recovery stuff, isn't it?

It's also kind of like being mute while you watch it all happening around you, if you can manage to stay on your own side of the street, with your mouth firmly shut. (I haven't always - I'm much better about it now)

I hate that I'm referring to my sister. I hate that she is in NO place to hear/see any of this, especially coming from me. (Glad that my own recovery tells me to mind my business unless it's solicited, though.) I hate that her own resistance to any kind of recovery makes this harder because she CAN'T see what I see without it. (She is fully codependent..... I'm not taking her inventory, I'm stating an obvious fact.) I hate that because this guy isn't the same kind of abusive jerk her TWO Ex-A's were, it makes her believe that it is absolutely, 100%, completely & utterly different. I hate that when she does open up & talk all I can hear is minimizing, denial, deflection & ignorance.

I hate that even DD can see that something is off & wants to know what has happened to her favorite person? If she is so happy, why is she so sad? Scratch that - I'm THRILLED that DD sees the handwriting on the wall & if I handle it diplomatically, there might be some good convo that comes from this over the next couple of years.

I think we've been watching the temperature in the pot raising degree by degree over the last 4-6 months with no signs that the Frog has any clue how hot it is getting in there.

hopeful4

Oh man, that does have to be hard FS.

I am really close to my sister, and she has helped me so much through some of these hard times recently, and always. I cannot think of a person who it would be so difficult to see going through such denial and codependency.

It's EXCELLENT that your DD has spotted it, but sad as well.

Many hugs my friend.

firebolt

(((HUGS)))

I'm watching the same with my brother (quickly developing problematic drinking) and his wife (red alert codie status) , bro's ex wife (codie extraordinaire) and her new husband (drunkie drunkerson)...and my poor niece (8 and anxiety issues) and nephew (14 and sweet, sweet codie in the making) going back and forth between the 2 houses.

It is so hard to watch....haha...and to not try to meddle. And I only see it because I am the same and I lived it. Heartbreaking...

I hope they all (your and my fams) find their way through it with as little pain as possible. <3

FireSprite

Oh man, fire, the KIDS.

My nephew is only 4 & manages OK so far but that is largely due to his 16-yr old sister watching over him too. She does amazingly well considering the abandonment issues she has & the hell that she's been through; but it's still there just simmering under the surface, untreated.

The hardest thing is watching sis get frustrated with niece when she cannot understand that it's her ACoA-behaviors-in-the-making that she's witnessing. Niece has locked herself away inside herself, because it's "safe" there. I see a LOT of myself in her & I struggle a lot with how to "reach" her.