Shaking my head
Shaking my head
So, AH and I are still living together, with him scheduled to move out beginning of May and the divorce pending. We've been co-existing pretty well, as I've been focused on my own recovery and al-anon. He has been attending a couple AA meetings a week, but still no sponsor or working the steps (that I know of.)
He really only has 1 friend that he sometimes hangs out with. (He seemed to become anti-social when he stopped drinking.) Anyways, he tells me he's meeting up with his friend tonight and I asked where and he said his friend wanted to meet at a bar, even though AH suggested they just get dinner since friend knows he's not drinking. But I guess friend was like, "Oh, come on, I want to watch some of the basketball games." Wow, what a supportive friend.
He really only has 1 friend that he sometimes hangs out with. (He seemed to become anti-social when he stopped drinking.) Anyways, he tells me he's meeting up with his friend tonight and I asked where and he said his friend wanted to meet at a bar, even though AH suggested they just get dinner since friend knows he's not drinking. But I guess friend was like, "Oh, come on, I want to watch some of the basketball games." Wow, what a supportive friend.
Your husband had the option to say no to going to the bar. I also found it helpful not to ask questions such as "where are you going." His recovery is his and your recovery is yours.
You're ASSUMING that he is telling you the truth when he says he suggested meeting elsewhere and that the friend insisted on going to the bar.
Really, you can't assume he will tell you the truth about stuff like that. If he's moving out and you're getting divorced, the less you are in his business (and his head), the better.
Really, you can't assume he will tell you the truth about stuff like that. If he's moving out and you're getting divorced, the less you are in his business (and his head), the better.
If you are about to divorce, there is no reason for you to care that much anymore. I know it is easier said than done . . . but . . .
Being physically present at AA meetings means next to nothing if he does not embrace recovery himself. And his recovery is his own, and yours is yours.
Being physically present at AA meetings means next to nothing if he does not embrace recovery himself. And his recovery is his own, and yours is yours.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
It sounds like a painful situation that would require a lot of strength, to continue living with your spouse even though you've already decided on divorce. If you don't mind my asking, why are you waiting until May to live separately?
My other thought was that, yes, your recovery is yours and his is his. Questions and expectations can lead you away from your serenity and will only cause resentment.
((((Big Hugs)))
My other thought was that, yes, your recovery is yours and his is his. Questions and expectations can lead you away from your serenity and will only cause resentment.
((((Big Hugs)))
Hi Tall. Mostly for financial reasons and to give us time to get everything figured out. May can't come quick enough!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)