BoatDaddy

Well I'm back guys. After being sober for a year I was in the best health of my life. Work was going well and I was managing stress better and all my relationships were a lot more "normal". So then I took the following year off thinking I could maintain and drink socially. Well basically that didn't work out at all... The past year I've gained back all the weight I had lost and last night I blew it out binge drinking for 5-6 hours. That's always been my issue. I'm not a daily drinker nor do I even drink at home but I get bored or whatever and I blow it out for hours on end getting completely black out drunk. I feel like crap this morning and the worst part is my son woke up because I was arguing with my wife. And basically all she wants is for me to be home.

I'm done... Drinking that is... I can't apologize enough or make promises to fix this. I just need to take control of my life again and produce results. That's all I know to do. Here's to day one!

RDBplus3

Hope you can 'Fix Yourself' ... I found out after a long time of struggling that I COULD NOT fix myself.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and it happened (after years of experiencing that Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization) by WORKING the 12 Steps of AA

ScottFromWI

Welcome back BoatDaddy. Sorry to hear that you went back to drinking, but you must have been doing something right if you have a whole year sober. Did you follow any formal plan or recovery method during that time?

"thinking I could maintain and drink socially" is of course your addiction telling you lies, we have to fully accept that drinking any quantity at any time is never an option for us.

How can we help?

BoatDaddy

Well I'm results driven. Actually it got easier as time went on not to drink. Of course I eventually told myself that I was cured and I could control this. That was a fat lie. I don't really crave the alcohol itself. It's basically a tick that I have is the best way to explain it. When I get bored I just go to a bar and drink. It may be one of twice a week but when I drink I really get after it and it's not pretty. I just need to stay active on here and talk through it. I've made the decision not to drink so now all I need is time. One day at a time. I'm glad you guys are here. It's really great to have people available that know the struggle.

Soberwolf

I think a plan really helps things like reaching out when craving & urges strike every time to reinforce your sobriety, playing the tape, going to recovery meetings, reading recovery material, interaction on a sobriety website, meditation, therapy, having an up to date Journal, half decent diet or diet & exercise, practising patience tolerance respect & humility, having a scrapbook to remember all the stuff you find in sobriety, sobriety counting jar (ICDB's idea) a empty jar that you can fill with a nice stone and watch it accumulate you can buy ornamental stones from most places, having sobriety dogtags, bracelets, necklaces, pictures around your home

There is so much to be gained from sobriety

SoberinSyracuse

Sounds like you know how to get sober and have done it successfully. A lot of folks have to test for themselves the "I Can Drink Socially" theory. It rarely works out. So now you know, and can get back to what does work for you.

I'm happy for you that the experiment is over, and you'll soon be back in excellent health and enjoying life again!

doggonecarl

That's a euphemistic way of downplaying your problem with alcohol. You don't have a tick. You have an addiction to alcohol. When you start, you can't stop.

There is a solution. But it's a little more involved than staying busy.

Good luck.

Delilah1

Welcome back Boat Daddy! I have never made it to a year, unless you count pregnancies, in the past 90 days was my downfall. I am getting close to the 90 day Mark again, so last night I went back and reread posts from when I first started until that 90 day point. It helped me to get into my own head a little.

You obviously had a solid plan in place to have a full year of sobriety, maybe you can read posts/journals from the time right before you stated to drink again and it will help you figure out what is missing from your plan.

Glad you are back!

❤️ Delilah

ScottFromWI

I think you may be lying to yourself again when you suggest that your binge drinking is merely a "tick" as Carl suggests. If "keeping busy" were all you needed to do to keep yourself from drinking, you would have never had to have posted this "slipped up again" thread..or the others that you've had over your time here on SR.

BoatDaddy

Actually if I look back I made a conscious decision to quit. I tracked my progress and was successful in quitting because I held myself accountable. But then I made a conscious decision to drink again. For me it's that simple. I know I have an alcohol problem and I just can't drink. And with the help of people in this community I can stop. I just know now drinking at all isn't an option. I just can't do it and for the sake of my wife and kids I just can't go there anymore. I CAN do this!

ScottFromWI

So what's going to stop you from making a conscious decision to start drinking again? You've done so more than once since joining the site.

Please be aware - i'm not trying to call you out or beat you up here - i'm trying to point out that you keep coming back to saying that you'll just "do it". But that's what you did before and it didn't work - multiple times.

It's quite possible that SR can be all you need to keep sober - an active, daily participation in a monthly thread, daily readings, etc. But if you are truly an alcoholic, you cannot simply rely on your own willpower to stay stopped - it simply doesn't work that way. I tried the same thing over and over and it never worked. So did most of us here.

least

I hope you can use the support here to make this your last slip. Living sober really rocks. I hope you can get back there.

chiro

All I have to say is CONGRATS!
A person's values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life. People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life. All change ultimately occurs because of decisions (Thinking) people make for themselves. People change when they HURT enough and have to or when they LEARN enough and want to. People change when they are, "Motivated," to change and they choose to change.

SoberinSyracuse

Yes, you can. Because you already did.

You sound very much like me. Results-driven. Not interested in navel-gazing or psychoanalysis.

It took me a couple tries to get sobriety fully up and running. The first two times, it was actually the psychoanalysis and navel-gazing that dragged me down. I've done a lot better taking a simple approach like you describe -- just sobering up and getting on with life. I may be in the minority, but that's what works for me.

Anna

You have lots of good advice here, BoatDaddy.

I think that a plan to help you through those times when you are bored and would want to turn to drinking would be so helpful. Do you begin to feel bored out of the blue or is something that slowly creeps into your mind? I ask this because negative self-talk was the most difficult thing for me. And, it didn't just pop up suddenly but snuck into my mind slowly but surely until I just needed to get away from it. Knowing this, I was able to take action before things got to a point of no return. What will you do next time you feel bored?

BoatDaddy

Look, I don't want to argue and my post was an official proclamation that I'm back and committed to staying sober just like I did December 14 2014 but this is my first time back on this site since I quit posting and began to drink again 1/2/2015. I have binge drank since and it was from none at all to a few times a week. This is my pattern and I recognize it. I thought (like many others new to sobriety) it was something I could manage and went back to drinking. The year stint was my first ever attempt at sobriety and I did it for a year. I realize now after looking back at 2015 etc that I was kidding myself and the results of drinking again have caught up like a huge snowball. I'm committed to not drinking and I'm not. Please don't say I'm some repeat offender and I'm just using the group though because that simply isn't true.

ScottFromWI

No one is saying that. Just about every single one of us was in exactly the same position ( or worse ) than you are right now - so we understand completely where you are coming from.

What we ARE saying is that you need to figure out what to do differently so you can make this be THE time when you finally get sober for good. It is possible and anyone can do so - you just need to figure out what resources you can use and what methods you can follow to make it happen. No one wants to see anyone return to drinking, that is not our purpose.

BoatDaddy

I think having pre planned activities that I can go to will help me do (insert activity here) instead of drinking. Almost the way drinking slowly becomes a pre programmed response I just need to consciously do something else. My issue is that I'm in my office and I get really bored of the mundane tasks of the insurance biz and I'll just leave the office and hit a bar on my drinking days. I just need something in my personal toolkit to do.

Any suggestions on what I could do or what's worked for you guys? I like walking the neighborhood or exercising but this always doesn't make sense if I'm across town at work.

phoebe64

I am reading along, because I recently relapsed, and part of my tool kit is coming back to the Newcomers page and reading, and trying to support others.

Walking is a big help to me, when I want to drink, but, in the winter, it is harder to just pop out there and do so, so I need other things to do. I have added hobbies, which might not interest everyone, so I will not detail those, but I do go do those.

If you can go off to a bar from your office, why can't you simply go off and take a walk, and then get back to work? I don't go to AA meetings, but if that might be something you want to try, I bey you could find a meeting, rather than a bar. Do you like to read? I am going to re-read all of my sobriety books. Maybe add a couple of new ones. With all other hurdles in my life, I did very well through self help reading. I need to apply that to my drinking too.

Anyway, just trying to offer some ideas, as I am in a similar place, of starting over and knowing I need to change it up to truly get solid sober time, and a new way of life that then makes sobriety very rewarding.

Exercise and good nutrition are awesome tools, too.

thomas11

Hi BoatDaddy, I think we are all different and if its as simple as making a firm decision to never drink again, good for you. You know this site will always be here for support. But I think what caught people's eye is that you wrote "AGAIN" in all caps. Suggesting maybe habitual relapsing was an issue. Wish you the best.