89 days sober
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
89 days sober
I went to a meeting tonight but I go to far few than I did when I first quit. I'm not having and cravings or increased thoughts of alcohol. the desperation I felt two months ago is subsiding. Really the only time I think about drinking is when I think about dating again. Makes sense, the two were always closely associated. I'm getting lonely.
Fear and desperation always subside with time. Really don't feel like drinking but don't want to lapse into something bad. Any quick fixes? How did you feel 3 months sober? Thoughts/opinions???
Fear and desperation always subside with time. Really don't feel like drinking but don't want to lapse into something bad. Any quick fixes? How did you feel 3 months sober? Thoughts/opinions???
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Congratulations 
3 months for me was definitely a milestone for me. It was when The Quit was pretty much over and I started figuring out what to do with my messy life. I'm not too much ahead of that so I don't have much in the way of advice, just that for me the next few months were pretty good, and then got hard again around 6 months.
If dating makes you think about drinking, that's just another reason to put off dating for a little bit. I'm also single and I did try dating some around 3 months. It didn't threaten my sobriety immediately but it did stress me out in a way I could see leading that way, so I decided to hold off. That said, loneliness is a trigger too, so it's all what's right for you.
Big congrats again
3 months for me was definitely a milestone for me. It was when The Quit was pretty much over and I started figuring out what to do with my messy life. I'm not too much ahead of that so I don't have much in the way of advice, just that for me the next few months were pretty good, and then got hard again around 6 months.
If dating makes you think about drinking, that's just another reason to put off dating for a little bit. I'm also single and I did try dating some around 3 months. It didn't threaten my sobriety immediately but it did stress me out in a way I could see leading that way, so I decided to hold off. That said, loneliness is a trigger too, so it's all what's right for you.
Big congrats again
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Thanks Fantail. I've done several things that use to involve drinking. I was always worried at first but then it wasn't so bad. fishing and hunting come to mind.. Driving, but I had more than enough help with that one.
I think everyone new I ever dated first started with cocktails. Liquid courage I guess. Relationships don't tend to stress me out too much. I generally just roll with it. Maybe that's why I'm single.
I think everyone new I ever dated first started with cocktails. Liquid courage I guess. Relationships don't tend to stress me out too much. I generally just roll with it. Maybe that's why I'm single.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Congrats on three months sober! 
When I was at that stage of my recovery, I wasn't feeling too good about it. Felt dissatisfied and unhappy. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. Find something to be grateful for every day. So I did. And it became a habit.
It shifted my focus from the negative to the positive. It made a huge difference in how I felt and how I viewed the world.
When I was at that stage of my recovery, I wasn't feeling too good about it. Felt dissatisfied and unhappy. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. Find something to be grateful for every day. So I did. And it became a habit.
It shifted my focus from the negative to the positive. It made a huge difference in how I felt and how I viewed the world.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Things got better for me after 90 days. I felt like the day to day struggle not to drink was taken down a notch.
I still had a lot of work to do on myself, tho. I think we may have discussed this before (?) but I felt like I would have been inflicting myself on someone had I started dating too soon.
Everyone's too soon is different but if you can;t thinking of dating without drinking, I suggest it's probably too soon Chrc.
whats your non dating social life like now?
D
I still had a lot of work to do on myself, tho. I think we may have discussed this before (?) but I felt like I would have been inflicting myself on someone had I started dating too soon.
Everyone's too soon is different but if you can;t thinking of dating without drinking, I suggest it's probably too soon Chrc.
whats your non dating social life like now?
D
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Sobriety isn't so much a struggle as it was the first weeks. I still think about drinking but the compulsion has greatly subsided.
Dee- yep, we discussed dating before. It was in the context not of inflicting problems on others.
I recently realized that every relationship I had for 35 years began with drinking. It's an odd revelation. My relationships usually started withing a few drinks at a bar, party or other venue. The women I've dated usually drink less than me, it's not like I always date alcoholics. 53 years old and have difficultly imaging a first date without a drink...sad. I'm not interested in meeting for a drink anymore so I guess I'll just have to figure it. I like some of the women at AA but for the most part they are a mess too. I shouldn't think about that either or Beccybean with smoke my 6.
Dee- yep, we discussed dating before. It was in the context not of inflicting problems on others.
I recently realized that every relationship I had for 35 years began with drinking. It's an odd revelation. My relationships usually started withing a few drinks at a bar, party or other venue. The women I've dated usually drink less than me, it's not like I always date alcoholics. 53 years old and have difficultly imaging a first date without a drink...sad. I'm not interested in meeting for a drink anymore so I guess I'll just have to figure it. I like some of the women at AA but for the most part they are a mess too. I shouldn't think about that either or Beccybean with smoke my 6.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
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Originally Posted by least 
Congrats on three months sober!
When I was at that stage of my recovery, I wasn't feeling too good about it. Felt dissatisfied and unhappy. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. Find something to be grateful for every day. So I did. And it became a habit.
It shifted my focus from the negative to the positive. It made a huge difference in how I felt and how I viewed the world.
When I was at that stage of my recovery, I wasn't feeling too good about it. Felt dissatisfied and unhappy. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. Find something to be grateful for every day. So I did. And it became a habit.
It shifted my focus from the negative to the positive. It made a huge difference in how I felt and how I viewed the world.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
I don't see the problem with not drinking while dating. You're just the guy or gal who chooses not to drink. It's not required. I myself started a relationship where alcohol played virtually no role, and in fact it was instrumental in making me realize that it was time to face up to my alcoholism.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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I think generally it was looking for 'quick fixes' that kept me where I was for decades - quick fixes in the form of drunks; impulsive purchases (usually on mounting credit, that eventually lost me a house); or other thrill-seeking behaviour (that I won't go into on here).
Haha - I think you've may have got me down as some puritanic feminist - which people who've known me for the long term in day to day life would probably snigger knowingly at with a fair bit of eye rolling chucked in for good measure. BUT, I do think AA isn't a good place to actively seek out dates. It does happen that there are some long term relationships come out of friendships that develop there. Mostly it just serves as a distraction from people working on their sobriety though, and when if it goes wrong (and lets face it - most dating never gets to the long term relationship phase) means that one or both people feel awkward in the very place that they need to feel safe. Anyway - like Dee says, it's maybe too soon even to be considering it if its hard to imagine it without the booze. Could you, in the interim start seeking out more generally social activities that don't involve drinking. What are your interests? Maybe some people who share them can offer some suggestions - I've recently restarted tap dancing, but I suspect that isn't your thing
The most effective thing I've done was my step work, and the day to day prayer / meditation / gratitudes / reflection that helps me to apply the program to my daily life. Not a quick fix as such, but the rewards far outweigh the effort, so maybe a quick fix in that regard. I'm not single, but I think once I'd worked those steps I would have been more capable of caring for another person in a relationship and behaving well to them. Maybe. Hard to tell I suppose.
Haha - I think you've may have got me down as some puritanic feminist - which people who've known me for the long term in day to day life would probably snigger knowingly at with a fair bit of eye rolling chucked in for good measure. BUT, I do think AA isn't a good place to actively seek out dates. It does happen that there are some long term relationships come out of friendships that develop there. Mostly it just serves as a distraction from people working on their sobriety though, and when if it goes wrong (and lets face it - most dating never gets to the long term relationship phase) means that one or both people feel awkward in the very place that they need to feel safe. Anyway - like Dee says, it's maybe too soon even to be considering it if its hard to imagine it without the booze. Could you, in the interim start seeking out more generally social activities that don't involve drinking. What are your interests? Maybe some people who share them can offer some suggestions - I've recently restarted tap dancing, but I suspect that isn't your thing
The most effective thing I've done was my step work, and the day to day prayer / meditation / gratitudes / reflection that helps me to apply the program to my daily life. Not a quick fix as such, but the rewards far outweigh the effort, so maybe a quick fix in that regard. I'm not single, but I think once I'd worked those steps I would have been more capable of caring for another person in a relationship and behaving well to them. Maybe. Hard to tell I suppose.
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Posts: 579
Thanks, that's the fix. My social life isn't all that much. I am fond of sailing but haven't pursued it. I tried for a while but couldn't find the right situation. I'll try again.
Your posts reminds me, I haven't started my community service but will this weekend. Lots of different choices and I can work as many as I please. It's a court ordered blessing. Think I work the Veterans of Foreign Wars this weekend. For a civilian I get along well with soldiers.
Beccybean- Tap dancing. Oh I've done a lot of that. LOL but it hasn't been required since I quit drinking.
Your posts reminds me, I haven't started my community service but will this weekend. Lots of different choices and I can work as many as I please. It's a court ordered blessing. Think I work the Veterans of Foreign Wars this weekend. For a civilian I get along well with soldiers.
Beccybean- Tap dancing. Oh I've done a lot of that. LOL but it hasn't been required since I quit drinking.
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