Falling apart...why?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Falling apart...why?
So I have been doing really well. I'm 8 months sober and normally I am very happy and it is smooth sailing. Today I feel like microwaved dogpoop. There's no reason for me to feel this way. I just want to throw myself on the ground and cry. I'm lonely. I miss my ex. I'm tired of being alone. I just want someone to hug me and hold my hand. I feel lost. Like... on the day God gave out instructions I was absent. Like the world speaks a foreign language I don't understand and I just walk around nodding my head and understanding NOTHING. I feel like everyone else has their lives figured out and I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. Ugh. Just venting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
((Bunny)) My first year of sobriety was full of ups and downs.
Figuring out who I was as a sober person took me some time to figure out.
I tried not to stress myself.
Yes, I was lonely, but I'm glad I took the time to focus on myself.
Believe me you're not alone in the way you feel.
Hang in there it gets better.
Figuring out who I was as a sober person took me some time to figure out.
I tried not to stress myself.
Yes, I was lonely, but I'm glad I took the time to focus on myself.
Believe me you're not alone in the way you feel.
Hang in there it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,343
(((Bunny))) I have been feeling the same way lately... I’m right there with you. A few days away from 9 months and feeling pretty awful today. Ugh...
Thanks for making me smile today though... microwaved dogpoop! lol
Thanks for making me smile today though... microwaved dogpoop! lol
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Sorry you're feeling down Bunny. I know I have days where I feel completely and utterly lost. All of the poor decisions I made in the past seem to confront me at once, and thoughts of the future don't seem much brighter at times. I know those days seem a tough hurdle.
But, we get through those days. Trust in yourself and your 8 months sober that this low point will pass.
Take some TLC time for yourself. The sun will shine again.
Great job on 8 months!!!
But, we get through those days. Trust in yourself and your 8 months sober that this low point will pass.
Take some TLC time for yourself. The sun will shine again.
Great job on 8 months!!!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It seems you've already figured out the "Why?" part.
When I had my first diagnosed episode of major depression more than twenty years ago (I'd been sober for about twelve years at the time), I felt as though the world was falling apart all around me, and that there was nothing I could do about it. In fact, there was nothing I could (immediately) do about some of the things that were happening, so I took action. Romanticizing how good the past was is the moral equivalent of suicide for me, yet I made myself an expert at doing just that.
Times of crisis and trauma are opportunities to begin working on the sometimes major changes we need to make in order to get to a better place in life, even when it doesn't seem that way. For too much of my life, I was used to running away from such events, drinking myself into oblivion, as though a period of drunk time would smooth out all the rough edges on its own.
I found a skilled and sympathetic therapist who at one point said to me, "Sometimes we need to fall apart in order to come together." She also helped me to uncover the motivation (courage?) to do whatever I needed to do in order to get through each day, one day at a time. My depression gave me a clarity that I had not previously known (and it wasn't always pretty), mostly about what I needed to and could do about taking care of myself and my life as it was at the time. What you've done in your OP is to identify areas in your life in which you want or need to make improvements. That, and reaching out here for help, is a start.
When I had my first diagnosed episode of major depression more than twenty years ago (I'd been sober for about twelve years at the time), I felt as though the world was falling apart all around me, and that there was nothing I could do about it. In fact, there was nothing I could (immediately) do about some of the things that were happening, so I took action. Romanticizing how good the past was is the moral equivalent of suicide for me, yet I made myself an expert at doing just that.
Times of crisis and trauma are opportunities to begin working on the sometimes major changes we need to make in order to get to a better place in life, even when it doesn't seem that way. For too much of my life, I was used to running away from such events, drinking myself into oblivion, as though a period of drunk time would smooth out all the rough edges on its own.
I found a skilled and sympathetic therapist who at one point said to me, "Sometimes we need to fall apart in order to come together." She also helped me to uncover the motivation (courage?) to do whatever I needed to do in order to get through each day, one day at a time. My depression gave me a clarity that I had not previously known (and it wasn't always pretty), mostly about what I needed to and could do about taking care of myself and my life as it was at the time. What you've done in your OP is to identify areas in your life in which you want or need to make improvements. That, and reaching out here for help, is a start.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 119
I'm sorry you feel this way,
I think you should be so proud of yourself for achieving 8 months of sobriety. That is massive. We all get lonely at times an it can suck but going through this sober is growing. Try and be kind to yourself.
One thing I've always believed is you never know what's around the corner, and no feeling is permanent.
Stay strong, your sobriety inspires me
I think you should be so proud of yourself for achieving 8 months of sobriety. That is massive. We all get lonely at times an it can suck but going through this sober is growing. Try and be kind to yourself.
One thing I've always believed is you never know what's around the corner, and no feeling is permanent.
Stay strong, your sobriety inspires me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you mean there were INSTRUCTIONS??? hell i've been winging it for 56 years and NOW you tell me there is a handbook somewhere??? shazbot.
there is nothing wrong with a down day, or a confused day. or a "who ARE you people???" day. it's JUST a day....it will pass. just remember to keep putting one sober foot in front of the other.....left right repeat. you can even shuffle-ball-change your way thru.....
there is nothing wrong with a down day, or a confused day. or a "who ARE you people???" day. it's JUST a day....it will pass. just remember to keep putting one sober foot in front of the other.....left right repeat. you can even shuffle-ball-change your way thru.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Like the others have said, it literally could just be a s**t day. There's so many things that can change ur mood, sleep patterns, weather, boredom, hormone levels, other people around u......the list goes on. Do u exercise at all, if u dont then maybe just take a walk, stop off at a cafe, slice of cake a latte & just try to relax.x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
early recovery was a serious roller coaster ride for me.
the peaks on the ride were awesome feeling.
the lows sometimes were sometimes extremely low.
i was also told it would get better as i learned about myself and trudged through them low times.
it took T.I.M.E. but it did.
life is still a rollercoaster, but the lows arent nothing compared to early recovery or when i was drinking. the peaks and valleys have gotten closer together.
i wouldnt want it to be just a straight,horizontal ride,though. i think about a heart monitor and what a straight horizontal line indicates, which quite often when drunk/drugged, thats how my feelins/emotions were.
the peaks on the ride were awesome feeling.
the lows sometimes were sometimes extremely low.
i was also told it would get better as i learned about myself and trudged through them low times.
it took T.I.M.E. but it did.
life is still a rollercoaster, but the lows arent nothing compared to early recovery or when i was drinking. the peaks and valleys have gotten closer together.
i wouldnt want it to be just a straight,horizontal ride,though. i think about a heart monitor and what a straight horizontal line indicates, which quite often when drunk/drugged, thats how my feelins/emotions were.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Everyone has bad days. This is just a bad day. Its just one day... how many good days have you had in the past 8 months? Probably a lot more good than bad right? It happens. And sometimes you just need to say, screw it, Im going to bed. But you are doing great. Keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I do not know if it helps but I have been feeling the same way lately and I just hit eight months of sobriety. I miss my ex as well. But right now I know I have to work on myself. It is difficult to just feel normal and not wonder why I was not handed an instruction book. I hope you feel better. Music always helps me. Right now I want tomorrow to be my quit smoking quit date. I hooe you have a good weekend.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
What I've noticed is that in any 6 week period or so, most of my days are average. Picture the middle of the old bell shaped curve.
Then I usually have 2 - 4 days in a row where everything goes really well. I should buy lottery tickets because I can do no wrong.
I also will have 2 - 4 days in a row, where nothing goes right. I just try to get through those days the best I can, knowing that that change is gonna come. In the old days, these would be the days where I would be most prone to drink.
Recognizing this pattern in my life helps me to keep my balance through the ups and downs.
Then I usually have 2 - 4 days in a row where everything goes really well. I should buy lottery tickets because I can do no wrong.
I also will have 2 - 4 days in a row, where nothing goes right. I just try to get through those days the best I can, knowing that that change is gonna come. In the old days, these would be the days where I would be most prone to drink.
Recognizing this pattern in my life helps me to keep my balance through the ups and downs.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
I'm sorry about your day and hope your meeting is helpful tonight.
I too have bad days mixed with the good but I'm coming to realize that they would be bad drinking or not drinking..... some days are just not as good as others. When I have tough times I try to remind myself that I had also had tough times as a drinker but just handled them far more poorly.
I like what poster mentioned earlier in this thread about never knowing what lies around the corner. I hope you find something unexpected and wonderful.
Jonathan
I too have bad days mixed with the good but I'm coming to realize that they would be bad drinking or not drinking..... some days are just not as good as others. When I have tough times I try to remind myself that I had also had tough times as a drinker but just handled them far more poorly.
I like what poster mentioned earlier in this thread about never knowing what lies around the corner. I hope you find something unexpected and wonderful.
Jonathan
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