Feeling hopeless and defeated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 12
Feeling hopeless and defeated
I have made the decision to stop drinking so many times. I just recently realized i haven't taken a break longer than 2 weeks in years! I am 29 years old and I still take shots of tequila. When i notice the tequila is getting out of control, i just drink wine for awhile and then I start to think, oh i have my drinking under control and before i know it, i'm blacked out drunk. I almost black out every time i drink. It is awful. It has affected so many relationships in my past that you would think i would have learned my lesson. I knew at an extremely early age that i have had this problem. I sent myself to an in patient rehab when i was 21 years old for an entire year for goodness sakes. I still haven't learned. So then what is it going to take? My boyfriend and I haven't been dating very long, almost 5 months. We moved in together after a short time of dating. Things moved quickly. I think because we absolutely love each other. Except tonight he has asked me to move out. That the things he loves me doesn't outweigh the things he doesn't love about me. My drinking. I have never loved somebody so much. I know you shouldn't do something for somebody and you should do it for yourself because that is what is really going to make the change. But i need to do it for him and myself. I really want to make this relationship work and he is going to be my motivation. I don't know if he will take me back. This has got to be like the 7th time i came home blacked out drunk in the last 5 months. He's older and he's just not willing to put up with it anymore. He has a lot going on in his life and this is just not helping and its adding more stress to the relationship. I feel so helpless with this addiction. I know i am a strong person and a strong individual. How come I am not strong enough to quit this addiction?!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome, Zap!
I believe that it's pretty much impossible to quit drinking alone. We need help. I hope you find it here at SoberRecovery or in a recovery meeting near you!
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
I believe that it's pretty much impossible to quit drinking alone. We need help. I hope you find it here at SoberRecovery or in a recovery meeting near you!
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Zap
I found that although I was a strong person, I was addicted.
That meant that at least a part of my will wanted to drink.
so...willpower was simply me fighting against me.
Acceptance worked a lot better for me - once I accepted I was an alcoholic and that alcohol was simply & utterly bad for me, it made the decision to drink again that much harder.
You'll find a lot of support here to help too
Welcome aboard
D
I found that although I was a strong person, I was addicted.
That meant that at least a part of my will wanted to drink.
so...willpower was simply me fighting against me.
Acceptance worked a lot better for me - once I accepted I was an alcoholic and that alcohol was simply & utterly bad for me, it made the decision to drink again that much harder.
You'll find a lot of support here to help too
Welcome aboard
D
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Welcome, Zap. It's awful when we realize that our drinking has destroyed a relationship we cherish. I don't know if that's the case with you, but rather than sober up in an effort to win him back -- which may or may not work, that depends entirely on him -- sober up so that, being mentally and healthy inside yourself, you'll be a fine catch for anyone.
By pegging your recovery to his acceptance and taking you back, you risk ruining your recovery in the event that he doesn't.
That is why we have to do it for ourselves and no one else: we can't control what other people do, we can only control ourselves. And for me, that means not drinking.
By pegging your recovery to his acceptance and taking you back, you risk ruining your recovery in the event that he doesn't.
That is why we have to do it for ourselves and no one else: we can't control what other people do, we can only control ourselves. And for me, that means not drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 12
I agree, I think it is impossible to quit drinking alone. I haven't faithfully committed to something as AA, although I have been to meetings. I haven't joined a community such as SoberRecovery. I'm already finding peace knowing that there are others struggling with the same thing I am and it's at my fingertips. Thanks for responding.
Originally Posted by Coldfusion 
Welcome, Zap!
I believe that it's pretty much impossible to quit drinking alone. We need help. I hope you find it here at SoberRecovery or in a recovery meeting near you!
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
I believe that it's pretty much impossible to quit drinking alone. We need help. I hope you find it here at SoberRecovery or in a recovery meeting near you!
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 12
Thank you for the encouragement.
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus
Welcome, Zap. It's awful when we realize that our drinking has destroyed a relationship we cherish. I don't know if that's the case with you, but rather than sober up in an effort to win him back -- which may or may not work, that depends entirely on him -- sober up so that, being mentally and healthy inside yourself, you'll be a fine catch for anyone.
By pegging your recovery to his acceptance and taking you back, you risk ruining your recovery in the event that he doesn't.
That is why we have to do it for ourselves and no one else: we can't control what other people do, we can only control ourselves. And for me, that means not drinking.
By pegging your recovery to his acceptance and taking you back, you risk ruining your recovery in the event that he doesn't.
That is why we have to do it for ourselves and no one else: we can't control what other people do, we can only control ourselves. And for me, that means not drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 12
Since I am new to SoberRecovery are there any suggestions you can give? Do I just post when I'm feeling weak or just daily? I'm not entirely sure how this works...
Originally Posted by least
Welcome to the family. Get some support, both here at SR and in real life. You can get and stay sober but it takes some effort and a lot of changes.
Get some support, both here at SR and in real life. You can get and stay sober but it takes some effort and a lot of changes. Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR, zaqp; glad you found us.
Post as often as you want or need to.
Have you considered joining an SR Class.
You might also want to drop into the 24 Hour Recovery thread each day. I'll post the links in a few minutes.
Post as often as you want or need to.
Have you considered joining an SR Class.
You might also want to drop into the 24 Hour Recovery thread each day. I'll post the links in a few minutes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
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