Protecting and Respecting the Privacy of Loved Ones
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 55
Protecting and Respecting the Privacy of Loved Ones
I told several people about my sister's alcoholism and I'm feeling guilty. I feel I have crossed a line. I feel like it is not my place to talk about my sister's problems with others and it could possibly destroy career opportunities in the future and "label" her. I am curious to hear your experience or advice on this topic.
Historically, I have pretty much kept quiet about my sister's alcohol abuse and did not share with coworkers or casual friends. For a while, I shared with one close friend, my boss (we are close, very friendly, I've known her for nearly a decade), and three close coworkers who have never met my sister.
My close friend Jane is a mutual friend of my sister's and she has seen her out in the community intoxicated. Jane saw her leaving a hair salon intoxicated in the middle of the day. Jane's friend and coworker Sally also saw her intoxicated at the hair salon. I have discussed my sister's alcoholism with Jane several times. Jane has knows my sister since we were all teenagers. Jane is very loving, very understanding, and would never gossip about my sister to others. Sally is the same.
Lately, as my sister's alcoholism has progressed more and more people know and this has me worried that while I cannot control her behavior, I could have probably been more discreet and focused on myself instead of talking about my sister's problem.
Here are some scenarios:
1. THE SCHOOL PERFORMANCE My sister shows up intoxicated to her child's school performance. Our mutual friend Mary is there. Mary texts me and asks what's up. There are several friends who are teachers at the school who also witness my sister's intoxication. The cops are called. The principal is aware. One teacher friend, Nancy, calls me that night, too. Nancy tells me that my sister is drunk and she fled in her car after some people confronted her. I tell Nancy the situation - that my sister is an alcoholic and blah blah blah. I tell Nancy that the best thing to do is call the police if she ever shows up drunk again to pick up her child. I have been out to lunch recently with Mary. Mary used to work with my sister back in the day and we are all friends. I have told Mary all about my sister's problems. Mary is probably a "functioning alcoholic". Mary is loving and kind, has addiction in her family, but is a gossiper and my sister reminded me of this and now I'm feeling bad that I talked to Mary.
2. MY FRONT DOOR My sister shows up intoxicated to my doorstep one morning. My father sees her on the road, follows her into my neighborhood. Drama ensues. My sister falls down drunk on my front porch, my dad is yelling. Neighbors are gawking. Neighbor friend Susie calls me and asks what's the matter. I tell Susie (who also is an alcoholic and knows my sister) that sister is an alcoholic. Susie discloses that people are accusing her of being an alcoholic as well and I say something like, "yeah, life can be difficult" and we say goodbye.
3. THE RUNNING FRIENDS As my sister's problems are getting worse, I tell three of my other friends who I run with every weekend that my sister is an alcoholic.
4. THE SUPPORT GROUP. I'm a part of a codependency support group. There is an employee that is a member of the support group who also works at my sister's son's school. There is confidentiality but I have shared about my sister.
There are people (at the school), friends (Jane, Sally, Susie, Mary, Nancy), and acquaintances who have seen that she is intoxicated at inopportune times and could probably gather on their own that there is a problem.
My sister is sad and angry with me. She says I should have told our neighbor Susie and our teacher friend Nancy that she is going through a "rough time" instead of labeling her as an alcoholic. She freely acknowledges that she is an alcoholic but is worried that now she will carry the stigma. She says I should not be discussing anything with Mary because Mary is a blabbermouth. Mary and Nancy have seen with their own eyes that my sister was intoxicated at a school play. She also brought a companion along to the school play who was also intoxicated.
I feel like I should have never said anything to anybody that hasn't witnessed her problem firsthand. It's probably my codependency sharing the drama of it all. I told Mary, two of my running friends, Jane and Sally, that she left rehab last week. None of their business and none of mine. I am also concerned that I am aiding in destroying her reputation in the job world. Many of these people work in the same field and I am worried that they could harm future employment for my sister. I am aware that many of these people have seen her problem firsthand and it's not up to me to cover up for her but it's also not up to me to share details.
In the past I didn't talk. I wanted to protect my sister and coverup her alcoholism. I did that a lot and then I was like, screw it, I'm not hiding anymore. My sister is out of control, a lot of people see it, and I feel like I want to share and process some of this sad and scary stuff I've been dealing with.
But it's not really my stuff to deal with. Does her alcoholism truly effect me as much as I think? Is Is it necessary to talk about her at all? Is sharing her troubles with others an invasion of privacy and none of my business? I think so and I think I have realized that I should have kept mum about it and considered her feelings and privacy. Live an learn. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to deal with this, I would appreciate it.
Historically, I have pretty much kept quiet about my sister's alcohol abuse and did not share with coworkers or casual friends. For a while, I shared with one close friend, my boss (we are close, very friendly, I've known her for nearly a decade), and three close coworkers who have never met my sister.
My close friend Jane is a mutual friend of my sister's and she has seen her out in the community intoxicated. Jane saw her leaving a hair salon intoxicated in the middle of the day. Jane's friend and coworker Sally also saw her intoxicated at the hair salon. I have discussed my sister's alcoholism with Jane several times. Jane has knows my sister since we were all teenagers. Jane is very loving, very understanding, and would never gossip about my sister to others. Sally is the same.
Lately, as my sister's alcoholism has progressed more and more people know and this has me worried that while I cannot control her behavior, I could have probably been more discreet and focused on myself instead of talking about my sister's problem.
Here are some scenarios:
1. THE SCHOOL PERFORMANCE My sister shows up intoxicated to her child's school performance. Our mutual friend Mary is there. Mary texts me and asks what's up. There are several friends who are teachers at the school who also witness my sister's intoxication. The cops are called. The principal is aware. One teacher friend, Nancy, calls me that night, too. Nancy tells me that my sister is drunk and she fled in her car after some people confronted her. I tell Nancy the situation - that my sister is an alcoholic and blah blah blah. I tell Nancy that the best thing to do is call the police if she ever shows up drunk again to pick up her child. I have been out to lunch recently with Mary. Mary used to work with my sister back in the day and we are all friends. I have told Mary all about my sister's problems. Mary is probably a "functioning alcoholic". Mary is loving and kind, has addiction in her family, but is a gossiper and my sister reminded me of this and now I'm feeling bad that I talked to Mary.
2. MY FRONT DOOR My sister shows up intoxicated to my doorstep one morning. My father sees her on the road, follows her into my neighborhood. Drama ensues. My sister falls down drunk on my front porch, my dad is yelling. Neighbors are gawking. Neighbor friend Susie calls me and asks what's the matter. I tell Susie (who also is an alcoholic and knows my sister) that sister is an alcoholic. Susie discloses that people are accusing her of being an alcoholic as well and I say something like, "yeah, life can be difficult" and we say goodbye.
3. THE RUNNING FRIENDS As my sister's problems are getting worse, I tell three of my other friends who I run with every weekend that my sister is an alcoholic.
4. THE SUPPORT GROUP. I'm a part of a codependency support group. There is an employee that is a member of the support group who also works at my sister's son's school. There is confidentiality but I have shared about my sister.
There are people (at the school), friends (Jane, Sally, Susie, Mary, Nancy), and acquaintances who have seen that she is intoxicated at inopportune times and could probably gather on their own that there is a problem.
My sister is sad and angry with me. She says I should have told our neighbor Susie and our teacher friend Nancy that she is going through a "rough time" instead of labeling her as an alcoholic. She freely acknowledges that she is an alcoholic but is worried that now she will carry the stigma. She says I should not be discussing anything with Mary because Mary is a blabbermouth. Mary and Nancy have seen with their own eyes that my sister was intoxicated at a school play. She also brought a companion along to the school play who was also intoxicated.
I feel like I should have never said anything to anybody that hasn't witnessed her problem firsthand. It's probably my codependency sharing the drama of it all. I told Mary, two of my running friends, Jane and Sally, that she left rehab last week. None of their business and none of mine. I am also concerned that I am aiding in destroying her reputation in the job world. Many of these people work in the same field and I am worried that they could harm future employment for my sister. I am aware that many of these people have seen her problem firsthand and it's not up to me to cover up for her but it's also not up to me to share details.
In the past I didn't talk. I wanted to protect my sister and coverup her alcoholism. I did that a lot and then I was like, screw it, I'm not hiding anymore. My sister is out of control, a lot of people see it, and I feel like I want to share and process some of this sad and scary stuff I've been dealing with.
But it's not really my stuff to deal with. Does her alcoholism truly effect me as much as I think? Is Is it necessary to talk about her at all? Is sharing her troubles with others an invasion of privacy and none of my business? I think so and I think I have realized that I should have kept mum about it and considered her feelings and privacy. Live an learn. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to deal with this, I would appreciate it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I am not really sure that you should not talk about it at all. Secrecy actually helps alcoholism grow. "It is his problem, not mine." But it is a family disease! If one member is sick, the whole family is sick. If you were married to an A, would you not talk about it? Would you "respect his privacy and right to drink"? I for example did, but it got worse. Once I started talking about it, I was free again. Just my opinion.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I understand your regret, but frankly your sister's repeated public drunkeness has done and will continue to do far more to inform the world of her problems than you ever could. You aren't making up stories about her. You are not harming her future prospects nearly as much as her drinking is.
You are affected by her alcoholism, too, and you have the right to seek support for your specific issues. You can't put this particular horse back in the barn so you have to decide if amends to your sister are in order. In the future, you might ask yourself if you are thinking of telling someone about it because it us going to help you're support you need, or because you are frustrated and resentful of her behavior.
You are affected by her alcoholism, too, and you have the right to seek support for your specific issues. You can't put this particular horse back in the barn so you have to decide if amends to your sister are in order. In the future, you might ask yourself if you are thinking of telling someone about it because it us going to help you're support you need, or because you are frustrated and resentful of her behavior.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
This is one of those situations where you have to examine your motives, and also consider whether there is a good reason for informing people (some of whom may need to take their own protective action in response to this information).
To run through your scenarios:
SCHOOL PERFORMANCE Mary is a friend of both of you, she's seen your sister intoxicated on multiple occasions (and may be an alcoholic herself). I don't see how the information that you consider her to be an alcoholic is likely to be more "juicy" news for gossip than what she's already witnessed. It might also help Mary take a closer look at her own drinking. Maybe not strictly necessary to share, but seems harmless in context.
FRONT DOOR Ditto, it's not like you're revealing a private issue.
RUNNING FRIENDS This is tougher to answer because you didn't provide much detail about them--whether they're close friends or casual running buddies. I think I'd try to avoid chatting about it with people who aren't close to you--it's really none of their business.
SUPPORT GROUP This is where you MUST be able to share. A support group, and anyone close enough to provide you with emotional support, are completely appropriate to share with. In the case of close friends, you might ask them to keep it to themselves. With a support group, it's usually understood that members don't talk outside the group about what is shared there.
I think your sister is mainly upset because her alcoholism is no longer something secret. That's not your doing, it's hers. Her life is becoming more and more unmanageable. The good news is that this sort of thing can lead to sobriety. It was a big motivator for ME, when I started to feel I couldn't cover it up anymore.
To run through your scenarios:
SCHOOL PERFORMANCE Mary is a friend of both of you, she's seen your sister intoxicated on multiple occasions (and may be an alcoholic herself). I don't see how the information that you consider her to be an alcoholic is likely to be more "juicy" news for gossip than what she's already witnessed. It might also help Mary take a closer look at her own drinking. Maybe not strictly necessary to share, but seems harmless in context.
FRONT DOOR Ditto, it's not like you're revealing a private issue.
RUNNING FRIENDS This is tougher to answer because you didn't provide much detail about them--whether they're close friends or casual running buddies. I think I'd try to avoid chatting about it with people who aren't close to you--it's really none of their business.
SUPPORT GROUP This is where you MUST be able to share. A support group, and anyone close enough to provide you with emotional support, are completely appropriate to share with. In the case of close friends, you might ask them to keep it to themselves. With a support group, it's usually understood that members don't talk outside the group about what is shared there.
I think your sister is mainly upset because her alcoholism is no longer something secret. That's not your doing, it's hers. Her life is becoming more and more unmanageable. The good news is that this sort of thing can lead to sobriety. It was a big motivator for ME, when I started to feel I couldn't cover it up anymore.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
I think people are more aware than they are given credit for. They might be naive, not know what to do or being overly polite to the alkie or family but they know something's up. Some probably had or have similar issues.
Wether it's in a circle of family, friends or co workers people tend to gossip. Certain people will only talk to certain people and others will publicize it shall we say.
Had similar issues and decisions here but when the alkie started asking to borrow cars and money I told the owners in no uncertain terms about the alkie's issues.
The alkie/addict blew up when he found out friends were calling old addresses and phone numbers after his phone was disconnected for non payment. He screamed I don't need an intervention. Point is most people know, especially family & friends. They can put together facts like the number of drinks at a gathering, job status, cars-start showing up in borrowed cars the question is what happened to theirs.
Also keep in mind alkies/addicts are good manipulators and will put on a show along with telling very colorful stories. If you just sit back and listen to the gray haired adult alkie/addict here you would think you were listening to a neglected 14 year old. One sided stories over time are tougher to deal with.
I told a neighbor after the alkie started talking to him which he rarely does stammering with a swaying head and sluggish speech. Didn't phase him a bit. He knew.
I'd say use discretion. If her behavior comes up and others speculate or act like they know they probably do.
GOOD LUCK
Wether it's in a circle of family, friends or co workers people tend to gossip. Certain people will only talk to certain people and others will publicize it shall we say.
Had similar issues and decisions here but when the alkie started asking to borrow cars and money I told the owners in no uncertain terms about the alkie's issues.
The alkie/addict blew up when he found out friends were calling old addresses and phone numbers after his phone was disconnected for non payment. He screamed I don't need an intervention. Point is most people know, especially family & friends. They can put together facts like the number of drinks at a gathering, job status, cars-start showing up in borrowed cars the question is what happened to theirs.
Also keep in mind alkies/addicts are good manipulators and will put on a show along with telling very colorful stories. If you just sit back and listen to the gray haired adult alkie/addict here you would think you were listening to a neglected 14 year old. One sided stories over time are tougher to deal with.
I told a neighbor after the alkie started talking to him which he rarely does stammering with a swaying head and sluggish speech. Didn't phase him a bit. He knew.
I'd say use discretion. If her behavior comes up and others speculate or act like they know they probably do.
GOOD LUCK
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Secrecy breeds dysfunction. Truth is the only way to light. (My two cents) I agree with the above advice-esp about alkies being master manipulators-mine has completely fabricated stories about me I guess to make himself look like a victim? It's what they do-and yes, they do sound like neglected little boys bc emotionally that's where they are. Peace to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 55
Thank you for the replies. To answer a question -- my running friends are people I've known for three years. They are good people. They all have family members with substance abuse. Moving forward I think I will practice discretion, not secrecy, and talk about it to my closest friend only. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It's not my place to tell anyone that someone is an alcoholic. When I have problems and need to talk, I share only with a therapist. I have my own issues and don't want others gossiping about me.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by PlentyGood 
I told several people about my sister's alcoholism and I'm feeling guilty. I feel I have crossed a line. I feel like it is not my place to talk about my sister's problems with others and it could possibly destroy career opportunities in the future and "label" her. I am curious to hear your experience or advice on this topic.
Historically, I have pretty much kept quiet about my sister's alcohol abuse and did not share with coworkers or casual friends. For a while, I shared with one close friend, my boss (we are close, very friendly, I've known her for nearly a decade), and three close coworkers who have never met my sister.
So, you've told several people about your sister's alcoholism? And you are feeling guilty for that? Maybe you should. Why did you blab about her in the first. See, this is what bugs me: a sin is a sin is a sin. Whether it's addiction or infidelity or eating too much or having an eating disorder. I have a friend who I am pretty sure has an eating disorder and does not have a healthy relationship with food, but I don't go around talking to people about it. I figure it's confidential. If I were to blab and my friend found out, the friendship would probably be over, sad to say...
My close friend Jane is a mutual friend of my sister's and she has seen her out in the community intoxicated. Jane saw her leaving a hair salon intoxicated in the middle of the day. Jane's friend and coworker Sally also saw her intoxicated at the hair salon. I have discussed my sister's alcoholism with Jane several times. Jane has knows my sister since we were all teenagers. Jane is very loving, very understanding, and would never gossip about my sister to others. Sally is the same.
Lately, as my sister's alcoholism has progressed more and more people know and this has me worried that while I cannot control her behavior, I could have probably been more discreet and focused on myself instead of talking about my sister's problem.
Here are some scenarios:
1. THE SCHOOL PERFORMANCE My sister shows up intoxicated to her child's school performance. Our mutual friend Mary is there. Mary texts me and asks what's up. There are several friends who are teachers at the school who also witness my sister's intoxication. The cops are called. The principal is aware. One teacher friend, Nancy, calls me that night, too. Nancy tells me that my sister is drunk and she fled in her car after some people confronted her. I tell Nancy the situation - that my sister is an alcoholic and blah blah blah. I tell Nancy that the best thing to do is call the police if she ever shows up drunk again to pick up her child. I have been out to lunch recently with Mary. Mary used to work with my sister back in the day and we are all friends. I have told Mary all about my sister's problems. Mary is probably a "functioning alcoholic". Mary is loving and kind, has addiction in her family, but is a gossiper and my sister reminded me of this and now I'm feeling bad that I talked to Mary.
2. MY FRONT DOOR My sister shows up intoxicated to my doorstep one morning. My father sees her on the road, follows her into my neighborhood. Drama ensues. My sister falls down drunk on my front porch, my dad is yelling. Neighbors are gawking. Neighbor friend Susie calls me and asks what's the matter. I tell Susie (who also is an alcoholic and knows my sister) that sister is an alcoholic. Susie discloses that people are accusing her of being an alcoholic as well and I say something like, "yeah, life can be difficult" and we say goodbye.
3. THE RUNNING FRIENDS As my sister's problems are getting worse, I tell three of my other friends who I run with every weekend that my sister is an alcoholic.
4. THE SUPPORT GROUP. I'm a part of a codependency support group. There is an employee that is a member of the support group who also works at my sister's son's school. There is confidentiality but I have shared about my sister.
There are people (at the school), friends (Jane, Sally, Susie, Mary, Nancy), and acquaintances who have seen that she is intoxicated at inopportune times and could probably gather on their own that there is a problem.
My sister is sad and angry with me. She says I should have told our neighbor Susie and our teacher friend Nancy that she is going through a "rough time" instead of labeling her as an alcoholic. She freely acknowledges that she is an alcoholic but is worried that now she will carry the stigma. She says I should not be discussing anything with Mary because Mary is a blabbermouth. Mary and Nancy have seen with their own eyes that my sister was intoxicated at a school play. She also brought a companion along to the school play who was also intoxicated.
I feel like I should have never said anything to anybody that hasn't witnessed her problem firsthand. It's probably my codependency sharing the drama of it all. I told Mary, two of my running friends, Jane and Sally, that she left rehab last week. None of their business and none of mine. I am also concerned that I am aiding in destroying her reputation in the job world. Many of these people work in the same field and I am worried that they could harm future employment for my sister. I am aware that many of these people have seen her problem firsthand and it's not up to me to cover up for her but it's also not up to me to share details.
In the past I didn't talk. I wanted to protect my sister and coverup her alcoholism. I did that a lot and then I was like, screw it, I'm not hiding anymore. My sister is out of control, a lot of people see it, and I feel like I want to share and process some of this sad and scary stuff I've been dealing with.
But it's not really my stuff to deal with. Does her alcoholism truly effect me as much as I think? Is Is it necessary to talk about her at all? Is sharing her troubles with others an invasion of privacy and none of my business? I think so and I think I have realized that I should have kept mum about it and considered her feelings and privacy. Live an learn. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to deal with this, I would appreciate it.
Historically, I have pretty much kept quiet about my sister's alcohol abuse and did not share with coworkers or casual friends. For a while, I shared with one close friend, my boss (we are close, very friendly, I've known her for nearly a decade), and three close coworkers who have never met my sister.
So, you've told several people about your sister's alcoholism? And you are feeling guilty for that? Maybe you should. Why did you blab about her in the first. See, this is what bugs me: a sin is a sin is a sin. Whether it's addiction or infidelity or eating too much or having an eating disorder. I have a friend who I am pretty sure has an eating disorder and does not have a healthy relationship with food, but I don't go around talking to people about it. I figure it's confidential. If I were to blab and my friend found out, the friendship would probably be over, sad to say...
My close friend Jane is a mutual friend of my sister's and she has seen her out in the community intoxicated. Jane saw her leaving a hair salon intoxicated in the middle of the day. Jane's friend and coworker Sally also saw her intoxicated at the hair salon. I have discussed my sister's alcoholism with Jane several times. Jane has knows my sister since we were all teenagers. Jane is very loving, very understanding, and would never gossip about my sister to others. Sally is the same.
Lately, as my sister's alcoholism has progressed more and more people know and this has me worried that while I cannot control her behavior, I could have probably been more discreet and focused on myself instead of talking about my sister's problem.
Here are some scenarios:
1. THE SCHOOL PERFORMANCE My sister shows up intoxicated to her child's school performance. Our mutual friend Mary is there. Mary texts me and asks what's up. There are several friends who are teachers at the school who also witness my sister's intoxication. The cops are called. The principal is aware. One teacher friend, Nancy, calls me that night, too. Nancy tells me that my sister is drunk and she fled in her car after some people confronted her. I tell Nancy the situation - that my sister is an alcoholic and blah blah blah. I tell Nancy that the best thing to do is call the police if she ever shows up drunk again to pick up her child. I have been out to lunch recently with Mary. Mary used to work with my sister back in the day and we are all friends. I have told Mary all about my sister's problems. Mary is probably a "functioning alcoholic". Mary is loving and kind, has addiction in her family, but is a gossiper and my sister reminded me of this and now I'm feeling bad that I talked to Mary.
2. MY FRONT DOOR My sister shows up intoxicated to my doorstep one morning. My father sees her on the road, follows her into my neighborhood. Drama ensues. My sister falls down drunk on my front porch, my dad is yelling. Neighbors are gawking. Neighbor friend Susie calls me and asks what's the matter. I tell Susie (who also is an alcoholic and knows my sister) that sister is an alcoholic. Susie discloses that people are accusing her of being an alcoholic as well and I say something like, "yeah, life can be difficult" and we say goodbye.
3. THE RUNNING FRIENDS As my sister's problems are getting worse, I tell three of my other friends who I run with every weekend that my sister is an alcoholic.
4. THE SUPPORT GROUP. I'm a part of a codependency support group. There is an employee that is a member of the support group who also works at my sister's son's school. There is confidentiality but I have shared about my sister.
There are people (at the school), friends (Jane, Sally, Susie, Mary, Nancy), and acquaintances who have seen that she is intoxicated at inopportune times and could probably gather on their own that there is a problem.
My sister is sad and angry with me. She says I should have told our neighbor Susie and our teacher friend Nancy that she is going through a "rough time" instead of labeling her as an alcoholic. She freely acknowledges that she is an alcoholic but is worried that now she will carry the stigma. She says I should not be discussing anything with Mary because Mary is a blabbermouth. Mary and Nancy have seen with their own eyes that my sister was intoxicated at a school play. She also brought a companion along to the school play who was also intoxicated.
I feel like I should have never said anything to anybody that hasn't witnessed her problem firsthand. It's probably my codependency sharing the drama of it all. I told Mary, two of my running friends, Jane and Sally, that she left rehab last week. None of their business and none of mine. I am also concerned that I am aiding in destroying her reputation in the job world. Many of these people work in the same field and I am worried that they could harm future employment for my sister. I am aware that many of these people have seen her problem firsthand and it's not up to me to cover up for her but it's also not up to me to share details.
In the past I didn't talk. I wanted to protect my sister and coverup her alcoholism. I did that a lot and then I was like, screw it, I'm not hiding anymore. My sister is out of control, a lot of people see it, and I feel like I want to share and process some of this sad and scary stuff I've been dealing with.
But it's not really my stuff to deal with. Does her alcoholism truly effect me as much as I think? Is Is it necessary to talk about her at all? Is sharing her troubles with others an invasion of privacy and none of my business? I think so and I think I have realized that I should have kept mum about it and considered her feelings and privacy. Live an learn. If you have any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to deal with this, I would appreciate it.
I have a "friend" who I am pretty sure has blabbed to mutual people who do not really need to know about my issues. This makes it hard for me to trust and being open with this friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
enough people have seen your sister drunk firsthand in enough different situations that SHE is the one who has let her own cat out of the bag. have YOU perhaps overshared that "my sister is an alcoholic" ? probably. but it's like announcing that it's raining......during a monsoon.
now that you have reviewed your own behaviors, you can make changes as you see fit. you can't UNTELL, but you can stop the telling.
you feel VERY responsible for your sister, don't you?
now that you have reviewed your own behaviors, you can make changes as you see fit. you can't UNTELL, but you can stop the telling.
you feel VERY responsible for your sister, don't you?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Personally I think your AS has done pretty much all the advertising herself. If she goes out drunk in public, then you're not telling anyone news that she has alcohol problems.
If you feel you should be more discreet, that's fair enough, but if it's an incident where your AS has appeared drunk, you don't need to say much. Sharing with close friends is a way of venting your feelings about AS, and something you probably need to do.
If you feel you should be more discreet, that's fair enough, but if it's an incident where your AS has appeared drunk, you don't need to say much. Sharing with close friends is a way of venting your feelings about AS, and something you probably need to do.
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