How do you treat yourself?
On the road of happy destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: OHIO
Posts: 210
How do you treat yourself?
I'm looking for quick, non-food and non-drink hits here.
I can take a long bath or get a pedicure or listen to a guided meditation podcast. Those are good. But that's not what I need. I'm looking for "rewards" for those moments when I worked all day, we just walked in the door, dinner still needs to be cooked, homework still needs to be helped (or more likely, battled), pets need to be fed, laundry needs to be folded, etc. I can't just disappear into a long bath. And I can't disappear into a bottle either.
I say non-food because I'm just as addicted to sugar and junk food. I need to learn some better habits. The problem is, sneaking a brownie or pounding a beer is such a quick and effective way to get a temporary moment of relief. I haven't found a good substitute to reset my mood that I can do in just a few minutes.
I'm a single parent so I can't literally escape. I need five minutes of figurative escape though. I feel like this is a huge black hole in my sobriety plan and I'm stumped.
I can take a long bath or get a pedicure or listen to a guided meditation podcast. Those are good. But that's not what I need. I'm looking for "rewards" for those moments when I worked all day, we just walked in the door, dinner still needs to be cooked, homework still needs to be helped (or more likely, battled), pets need to be fed, laundry needs to be folded, etc. I can't just disappear into a long bath. And I can't disappear into a bottle either.
I say non-food because I'm just as addicted to sugar and junk food. I need to learn some better habits. The problem is, sneaking a brownie or pounding a beer is such a quick and effective way to get a temporary moment of relief. I haven't found a good substitute to reset my mood that I can do in just a few minutes.
I'm a single parent so I can't literally escape. I need five minutes of figurative escape though. I feel like this is a huge black hole in my sobriety plan and I'm stumped.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I like tactile and sensory things. :-)
- Get one of those warm-up bean bags you heat in the microwave. Nuke it, and once it's warm, wrap it around the back of your neck for a few minutes to relax.
- Get a bubbling foot bath and enjoy the warm bubbles for 3-5 minutes.
- Have your favorite song in the world queued up and ready to lift your spirits the minute you walk in the door.
- Find an awesome scented candle. I like Yankee Candle Sage & Citrus. It makes me think "Ahhh....home."
- Get some nice facial cleansing products and when you get home, go right to the bathroom and cleanse/moisturize. It's very refreshing!
- Do you like to blow bubbles? Get some sugar-free bubble gum. The big pieces you have to chew hard. It's very zen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Music is one of my outlets and always has been. Maybe I'm addicted to it? Nawwww -just kidding. But for real: I hear certain songs that resonate with me or I might hear a song that is uplifting. I know I have writing ability, so I like coming here and participating in the form of writing...it is another outlet and there is a lot of positive encouragement.
quick easy and leaves your hair and skin feeling soft and healthy.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by StrongBird 
I'm looking for "rewards" for those moments when I worked all day, we just walked in the door, dinner still needs to be cooked, homework still needs to be helped (or more likely, battled), pets need to be fed, laundry needs to be folded, etc.
Because that thinking is waiting for a hit, gratification. And maybe that's what has to be worked out. That we can come home, do all our chores and tasks, and at the end of the night look back at all we've accomplished and that satisfaction be reward enough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm kind of with Carl on this. I get home with the kids after a full day of work and it's still non stop stuff. My reward, as such, is when the kids are in bed and I can finally sit down with my feet up and check on here. Ah! Anything else when I get home just throws me off track. If I need to unwind I go into my room or the bathroom with the door closed for five minutes before I launch right in.
You'll find a balance.
You'll find a balance.
On the road of happy destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: OHIO
Posts: 210
Well, here is the thing. I was sober for five years. Yes, years. I worked a lot, I worked out a lot, and I was a mom a lot. I never let myself relax unless I was sufficiently caught up. Which, ha, never happened.
Eventually that pressure cooker turned out of be unsustainable.
I'm not saying I'm going to come home every night and reward myself for simply surviving another day. But I want to build in nurturing routines for myself so I can catch my breath. Because as it turns out, not letting myself take a breath until dinner is done, kitchen is clean, laundry is done, homework is done, baths are done, my workout is done, and my kid is in bed... means most of the time I do not rest. At all. I pass out (sober!) from exhaustion. I always, even well before I took my first sip of alcohol, put a lot of pressure on myself. Alcohol is one of the few ways I've been able to take a break from it. In five years of sobriety, I never did master that balance, and I think that the desire to just relax and not be responsible for a minute finally won out. I'm trying to intentionally cultivate a better sense of balance this go round so I don't paint myself in an ultimately unsustainable corner again.
Eventually that pressure cooker turned out of be unsustainable.
I'm not saying I'm going to come home every night and reward myself for simply surviving another day. But I want to build in nurturing routines for myself so I can catch my breath. Because as it turns out, not letting myself take a breath until dinner is done, kitchen is clean, laundry is done, homework is done, baths are done, my workout is done, and my kid is in bed... means most of the time I do not rest. At all. I pass out (sober!) from exhaustion. I always, even well before I took my first sip of alcohol, put a lot of pressure on myself. Alcohol is one of the few ways I've been able to take a break from it. In five years of sobriety, I never did master that balance, and I think that the desire to just relax and not be responsible for a minute finally won out. I'm trying to intentionally cultivate a better sense of balance this go round so I don't paint myself in an ultimately unsustainable corner again.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Ruby makes a good point. Balance.
Maybe when you come home, everything doesn't have to be a priorty one. Except maybe making sure you are taking care of you. That takes time, balance. Finding what you value and making time for those things. Skip cleaning the floors or washing towels and read a book with your kids. Or hide out in your room for a couple minutes with a scented candle and take a few deep breaths, say a short prayer of gratitude. Something...something that works for you.
Maybe when you come home, everything doesn't have to be a priorty one. Except maybe making sure you are taking care of you. That takes time, balance. Finding what you value and making time for those things. Skip cleaning the floors or washing towels and read a book with your kids. Or hide out in your room for a couple minutes with a scented candle and take a few deep breaths, say a short prayer of gratitude. Something...something that works for you.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Hi Strong Bird,
With kids it has changed as they have changed. I do have a wife so my load is half , or less
, but the whole evening regimen can be exhausting and has felt empty many times without alcohol to keep it humming along.
When they were little I would hide in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, and read a book for 15 minutes every night. They must have thought I had internal problems.
Now that they are older and self sufficient my wife and I head for the back porch and sit for 15-20 minutes and talk. The kids grant us that time.
Ultimately though I have come to see the tremendously busy evenings as precious and fleeting. It has all moved so fast that I am growing to cherish the craziness of it all and am aware that in the near future I will have a lot more time on my hands and will probably look back with nostalgia at these moments. The reward currently is that I am with my family, that things will be what they are and that I am sober and fully present to remember them.
Oh, and cheap mystery novels on my Kindle any chance I get.......
Good luck.
Jonathan
With kids it has changed as they have changed. I do have a wife so my load is half , or less
, but the whole evening regimen can be exhausting and has felt empty many times without alcohol to keep it humming along.When they were little I would hide in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, and read a book for 15 minutes every night. They must have thought I had internal problems.
Now that they are older and self sufficient my wife and I head for the back porch and sit for 15-20 minutes and talk. The kids grant us that time.
Ultimately though I have come to see the tremendously busy evenings as precious and fleeting. It has all moved so fast that I am growing to cherish the craziness of it all and am aware that in the near future I will have a lot more time on my hands and will probably look back with nostalgia at these moments. The reward currently is that I am with my family, that things will be what they are and that I am sober and fully present to remember them.
Oh, and cheap mystery novels on my Kindle any chance I get.......
Good luck.
Jonathan
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I used to be so focused on "getting things done (including focusing on my drinking)," completing the items in my life's syllabus, that I missed a great deal of what was actually going on, what was "really real," those things that could nourish me as an individual. I've paid a very high price for this.
As is true of many people, I still need to work (though I'm grateful that I love my work), and that I still need (so I choose) to do things I'd otherwise rather not do. The rewards of meeting life's challenges are not often obvious, nor do they come to us with the immediacy that we'd like but, if we pay attention and we're open to it, we can come to a place where we are able recognize that most things that resemble whatever a "reward" means to us have been hidden in plain sight all along.
Like Anna, I love getting lost in a good book. I cherish the time I have when I'm alone. I love moments of serendipity, and not just mine. I continue to be in awe of the Universe and existence itself. I contemplate the how and why of the difficulty involved in changing. I have a fairly healthy diet, but I sometimes veer off and take the scenic route when it comes to food. I usually enjoy spontaneous interactions with other people, including strangers.
Whatever the exact opposite of finding something good in each day, including making it through the day and being grateful that life still challenges me in many ways, that's what I am when I'm drinking or when I only have one foot in sobriety.
It generally takes a great deal of time and unfortunate experiences for us to get the hang of being a good partner, being a good parent, accepting that money and work are grossly overrated, and living a meaningful life. What am I left with when I "lose" or surrender my self? What am I without my self? How much am I taking for granted or minimizing the things that I do? The things that we desperately want are so much more important when we don't have them.
It's all there for the taking. The problem is that, as attractive as it sounds, the freedom to choose is terrifying in the extreme for some us, either over the course of our lives, or at the most important moments. This is only one reason why we convince ourselves we can't do certain things before or without even trying. We trade the promise of genuine happiness for security. Instead of taking risks, we settle for not getting hurt, choosing (though not really) what is "safe." We put off until an eternal tomorrow what we can achieve today. It's the condition of existence, and our plight as individuals. We are always free to choose.
I've long believed that, especially when the clock is running down, we much more regret the things that we didn't do as opposed to things we did.
As is true of many people, I still need to work (though I'm grateful that I love my work), and that I still need (so I choose) to do things I'd otherwise rather not do. The rewards of meeting life's challenges are not often obvious, nor do they come to us with the immediacy that we'd like but, if we pay attention and we're open to it, we can come to a place where we are able recognize that most things that resemble whatever a "reward" means to us have been hidden in plain sight all along.
Like Anna, I love getting lost in a good book. I cherish the time I have when I'm alone. I love moments of serendipity, and not just mine. I continue to be in awe of the Universe and existence itself. I contemplate the how and why of the difficulty involved in changing. I have a fairly healthy diet, but I sometimes veer off and take the scenic route when it comes to food. I usually enjoy spontaneous interactions with other people, including strangers.
Whatever the exact opposite of finding something good in each day, including making it through the day and being grateful that life still challenges me in many ways, that's what I am when I'm drinking or when I only have one foot in sobriety.
It generally takes a great deal of time and unfortunate experiences for us to get the hang of being a good partner, being a good parent, accepting that money and work are grossly overrated, and living a meaningful life. What am I left with when I "lose" or surrender my self? What am I without my self? How much am I taking for granted or minimizing the things that I do? The things that we desperately want are so much more important when we don't have them.
It's all there for the taking. The problem is that, as attractive as it sounds, the freedom to choose is terrifying in the extreme for some us, either over the course of our lives, or at the most important moments. This is only one reason why we convince ourselves we can't do certain things before or without even trying. We trade the promise of genuine happiness for security. Instead of taking risks, we settle for not getting hurt, choosing (though not really) what is "safe." We put off until an eternal tomorrow what we can achieve today. It's the condition of existence, and our plight as individuals. We are always free to choose.
I've long believed that, especially when the clock is running down, we much more regret the things that we didn't do as opposed to things we did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
I can totally relate to what you're saying here .... wine would be my friend helping me through all those mundane tasks of an evening, my little 'reward' for getting through the day. The problem is it got to a point I'd drink a bottle before the kids went to bed and them my actual reward .... another bottle after they were in bed. I don't know the answer if you find an alternative let me know 😀
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Maybe its about the ritual.
Can you make yourself a healthy ritual that says day is done, pat on back, before you head off to your second job.
I loved Sober's suggestions -- maybe you could combine them into stepping you do every day when you step in the door -- put on your music, hit go on the microwave for your pillow, while the pillow is heating go put on some nice moisture of a quick mask, when your pillow is done, lie with your feet in the bath for 5 minutes with your music on, and your hot pillow on your neck.
That says, I am home, have done a hard day, here is my reward...
And then off to your evening duties. 10 Minutes for you while you child winds down, and then you are back for round two.
I am not even sure it matters what it is, so much as what it says to you.
Can you make yourself a healthy ritual that says day is done, pat on back, before you head off to your second job.
I loved Sober's suggestions -- maybe you could combine them into stepping you do every day when you step in the door -- put on your music, hit go on the microwave for your pillow, while the pillow is heating go put on some nice moisture of a quick mask, when your pillow is done, lie with your feet in the bath for 5 minutes with your music on, and your hot pillow on your neck.
That says, I am home, have done a hard day, here is my reward...
And then off to your evening duties. 10 Minutes for you while you child winds down, and then you are back for round two.
I am not even sure it matters what it is, so much as what it says to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse
I like tactile and sensory things. :-)
- Get one of those warm-up bean bags you heat in the microwave. Nuke it, and once it's warm, wrap it around the back of your neck for a few minutes to relax.
- Get a bubbling foot bath and enjoy the warm bubbles for 3-5 minutes.
- Have your favorite song in the world queued up and ready to lift your spirits the minute you walk in the door.
- Find an awesome scented candle. I like Yankee Candle Sage & Citrus. It makes me think "Ahhh....home."
- Get some nice facial cleansing products and when you get home, go right to the bathroom and cleanse/moisturize. It's very refreshing!
- Do you like to blow bubbles? Get some sugar-free bubble gum. The big pieces you have to chew hard. It's very zen.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
My kids are grown and gone and now it's just me and my cats and dogs. My biggest reward is walking my dogs. I love watching them just 'being dogs'.
I also like to escape into a good movie.
I also like to escape into a good movie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: CT
Posts: 180
I started watching Cheers on Netflix around Christmas time. I watch a few episodes a night. It was coincidental that I gave up alcohol on 1/1.
I really look forward to it and consider it my treat.
Kind of ironic I'm watching a show about people in a bar. But it's actually kind of interesting as I'm watching it from a different perspective. Watching does not make me want to drink but I'm so focused on what customers order and how they talk about alcohol. And Sam is an alcoholic bar owner.
I really look forward to it and consider it my treat.
Kind of ironic I'm watching a show about people in a bar. But it's actually kind of interesting as I'm watching it from a different perspective. Watching does not make me want to drink but I'm so focused on what customers order and how they talk about alcohol. And Sam is an alcoholic bar owner.
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