Champagne Oysters and Sex friends
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Champagne Oysters and Sex friends
Day 81 out of 82.
Today I had (for once) some great news, out of the blue, motivational, unexpected....something that made me feel WONDERFUL about myself.
So what did I want to do? First reaction? I wanted to buy a bottle of champagne or preferably 2 on the way home, pick up some oysters, invite one of my friends with benefits round and celebrate.
When will this battle end?
I should add that I am currently alone, watching Crocodile Dundee on the television and drinking green tea. It is nearly midnight here. The Oysters are no longer an option but the champagne and sex friend still are.
Sorry for saying it like it is guys, but please. Come on. Crocodile Dundee and Green Tea alone? Or a couple of bottles of ice cold Bollinger and some great company?
Provocative question I know. But where I am sitting right now it seems like a good question to me.
Today I had (for once) some great news, out of the blue, motivational, unexpected....something that made me feel WONDERFUL about myself.
So what did I want to do? First reaction? I wanted to buy a bottle of champagne or preferably 2 on the way home, pick up some oysters, invite one of my friends with benefits round and celebrate.
When will this battle end?
I should add that I am currently alone, watching Crocodile Dundee on the television and drinking green tea. It is nearly midnight here. The Oysters are no longer an option but the champagne and sex friend still are.
Sorry for saying it like it is guys, but please. Come on. Crocodile Dundee and Green Tea alone? Or a couple of bottles of ice cold Bollinger and some great company?
Provocative question I know. But where I am sitting right now it seems like a good question to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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When I was six I thought Crocodile Dundee was super hot. Maybe suck back that tea and spend some "quality" time alone.
You can celebrate this great news even more tomorrow if you enjoy it sober.
Just finish off today sober. Get some rest. And wake up thinking OH my god I achieved that yesterday weeeeeeeee and don't ruin that morning feeling of relieved excitement over your achievement with regret about having had booze
You can celebrate this great news even more tomorrow if you enjoy it sober.
Just finish off today sober. Get some rest. And wake up thinking OH my god I achieved that yesterday weeeeeeeee and don't ruin that morning feeling of relieved excitement over your achievement with regret about having had booze
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
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Well that made me laugh Fabat.
I have to say I never fancied yer man Hogan.
Seriously though, what's to stop you phoning a friend but having a sumptuous fresh fruit cocktail, complete with elderflower fizz, all booze free. All the fun without the regrets.
You know it makes sense.
I have to say I never fancied yer man Hogan.
Seriously though, what's to stop you phoning a friend but having a sumptuous fresh fruit cocktail, complete with elderflower fizz, all booze free. All the fun without the regrets.
You know it makes sense.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Originally Posted by Water441 
When I was six I thought Crocodile Dundee was super hot. Maybe suck back that tea and spend some "quality" time alone.
You can celebrate this great news even more tomorrow if you enjoy it sober.
Just finish off today sober. Get some rest. And wake up thinking OH my god I achieved that yesterday weeeeeeeee and don't ruin that morning feeling of relieved excitement over your achievement with regret about having had booze
You can celebrate this great news even more tomorrow if you enjoy it sober.
Just finish off today sober. Get some rest. And wake up thinking OH my god I achieved that yesterday weeeeeeeee and don't ruin that morning feeling of relieved excitement over your achievement with regret about having had booze
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by tufty13
Well that made me laugh Fabat.
I have to say I never fancied yer man Hogan.
Seriously though, what's to stop you phoning a friend but having a sumptuous fresh fruit cocktail, complete with elderflower fizz, all booze free. All the fun without the regrets.
You know it makes sense.
I have to say I never fancied yer man Hogan.
Seriously though, what's to stop you phoning a friend but having a sumptuous fresh fruit cocktail, complete with elderflower fizz, all booze free. All the fun without the regrets.
You know it makes sense.
Crocodile Dundee has just finished so, as it is way past my bed time, I let the dog out, launched the dishwasher, brushed my teeth (new experience for me since being sober!) and then realised that they are now showing Crocodile Dundee 2.
I should really go to bed. But am feeling antsy.
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the thought of champagne and oysters makes me want to gag.....and who wants to get "close" to someone with OYSTER BREATH? yuck.
surely, FB, you can think of at least two OTHER ways to celebrate good things about yourself that don't include or require outside stimuli????
i see you are sneaking up on 90 days.....these milestone BDs often trip us up - primarily in early recovery, but even later on. the following bit on Flare Up Periods was immensely helpful in my early days of crack recovery and instead of feeling like it gave me Permission to fail or go off the rails, it simply helped to let me know that what i was feeling and going thru was PART of the RECOVERY process and all i had to do was keep putting one sober step in front of another. i hope you don't mind.
FLARE UP PERIODS
The term "flare up periods" or "flare ups" refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. Should he return to the use of alcohol or drugs, it will most likely be during one of these flare up periods. It is important, therefore, that the recovering alcoholic/addict, his family, his friends, his employer and anyone else who may play an important role during these periods become aware of how to recognize the onset of a flare up period and what to do when one occurs.
Flare ups occur at predictable intervals: five to six days, four to five weeks, eight to ten weeks, thirteen weeks, six months, nine months, and eleven to thirteen months after the last use of alcohol/drugs.
Factors in recognizing the onset of a flare up include feelings of irritability, moodiness, boredom, restlessness and difficulty in eating and sleeping. These emotional states grow in intensity and come to a peak which lasts up to three days. During these three days, the recovering alcoholic/ addict may be extremely depressed and irritable. He may feel all is hopeless, that nothing can go right and display outbursts of anger for almost no reason or because of something which would ordinarily be considered insignificant. There are also some physical signs indicating that he is approaching a danger zone. He may develop aches and pains, he may perspire more than ordinary and he may have headaches.There also may be behavior changes. These changes are sometimes so slight that they would be passed off without undue attention unless one is watching for them. Uncharacteristic juvenile behavior, unreasonable giggling and joy, expressions of weariness, restlessness or boredom, and a sudden concern about his health, job, family, loneliness, etc. are examples of such behavior changes.
WHAT TO DO
The first step in dealing with a flare up is to expect them and watch for the signs.
When you suspect that you are entering a flare up period, seek help from someone who will understand what you are going through, your counselor or therapist, your spouse, a fellow group member, AA, CA or a good friend (who won’t offer you a drink or drug) are possible sources of help. Sometimes just calling someone to talk to , going for a drive or working on a hobby will help reduce the tension of a flare up. In any case, it is best to keep busy.
Realize that the storm will pass. Flare ups usually last from one to three days. After it passes, things will return to normal again.
DO NOT DRINK! DO NOT USE DRUGS! One drink or drug will set off a chain reaction and you’ll find yourself completely loaded and right back where you started!
given to me by a counselor long ago -Dan
Hospitals have studied druggies/alkies that were brought in with brain damage severe enough to induce coma. The patients had to be fed through a tube. While they were hooked up to the IV's they took daily blood samples. A curious pattern started to emerge when they compared the tests for several hundred people who had stopped drinking/drugging when they were admitted to the hospitals. (coma's do that ya know... help you stop using that is...)
They found that the level of endorphines (pleasure receptors) dropped to zero after 4-7 days. Then after about 24-72 hours the endorphines came back AT A HIGHER LEVEL than they had been. Then at about 30 days the levels dropped to zero again. But after another 24-72 hours they came back, again at a higher level! This phenomenon repeats itself at a suspiciously familiar interval...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal endorphine level
~~++++++++++++++++ users level -- drugs/alcohol (+) provide the balance
~~ 1st week sober (notice the lack of drug support)
FLARE UP (24-72 hours each time)
~~~~ after 1st flare up (4-7 days)
~~~~~~ after 30 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~ after 60 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~ after 90 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 6 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 9 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after a year's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal level reached after 1 1/2 years or more.
Notice how the Flare-ups occur in the same time periods as we give chips? Makes one wonder doesn't it?
I imagine you are asking yourself... So? So - if you relapse you start back at the beginning of the chart because your body stopped making endorphines when the drugs/alcohol started supplying them. That is one of the reasons people don't want to come back - they don't feel all right. Another reason is ego. Hang in there and you WILL feel better.
surely, FB, you can think of at least two OTHER ways to celebrate good things about yourself that don't include or require outside stimuli????
i see you are sneaking up on 90 days.....these milestone BDs often trip us up - primarily in early recovery, but even later on. the following bit on Flare Up Periods was immensely helpful in my early days of crack recovery and instead of feeling like it gave me Permission to fail or go off the rails, it simply helped to let me know that what i was feeling and going thru was PART of the RECOVERY process and all i had to do was keep putting one sober step in front of another. i hope you don't mind.
FLARE UP PERIODS
The term "flare up periods" or "flare ups" refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. Should he return to the use of alcohol or drugs, it will most likely be during one of these flare up periods. It is important, therefore, that the recovering alcoholic/addict, his family, his friends, his employer and anyone else who may play an important role during these periods become aware of how to recognize the onset of a flare up period and what to do when one occurs.
Flare ups occur at predictable intervals: five to six days, four to five weeks, eight to ten weeks, thirteen weeks, six months, nine months, and eleven to thirteen months after the last use of alcohol/drugs.
Factors in recognizing the onset of a flare up include feelings of irritability, moodiness, boredom, restlessness and difficulty in eating and sleeping. These emotional states grow in intensity and come to a peak which lasts up to three days. During these three days, the recovering alcoholic/ addict may be extremely depressed and irritable. He may feel all is hopeless, that nothing can go right and display outbursts of anger for almost no reason or because of something which would ordinarily be considered insignificant. There are also some physical signs indicating that he is approaching a danger zone. He may develop aches and pains, he may perspire more than ordinary and he may have headaches.There also may be behavior changes. These changes are sometimes so slight that they would be passed off without undue attention unless one is watching for them. Uncharacteristic juvenile behavior, unreasonable giggling and joy, expressions of weariness, restlessness or boredom, and a sudden concern about his health, job, family, loneliness, etc. are examples of such behavior changes.
WHAT TO DO
The first step in dealing with a flare up is to expect them and watch for the signs.
When you suspect that you are entering a flare up period, seek help from someone who will understand what you are going through, your counselor or therapist, your spouse, a fellow group member, AA, CA or a good friend (who won’t offer you a drink or drug) are possible sources of help. Sometimes just calling someone to talk to , going for a drive or working on a hobby will help reduce the tension of a flare up. In any case, it is best to keep busy.
Realize that the storm will pass. Flare ups usually last from one to three days. After it passes, things will return to normal again.
DO NOT DRINK! DO NOT USE DRUGS! One drink or drug will set off a chain reaction and you’ll find yourself completely loaded and right back where you started!
given to me by a counselor long ago -Dan
Hospitals have studied druggies/alkies that were brought in with brain damage severe enough to induce coma. The patients had to be fed through a tube. While they were hooked up to the IV's they took daily blood samples. A curious pattern started to emerge when they compared the tests for several hundred people who had stopped drinking/drugging when they were admitted to the hospitals. (coma's do that ya know... help you stop using that is...)
They found that the level of endorphines (pleasure receptors) dropped to zero after 4-7 days. Then after about 24-72 hours the endorphines came back AT A HIGHER LEVEL than they had been. Then at about 30 days the levels dropped to zero again. But after another 24-72 hours they came back, again at a higher level! This phenomenon repeats itself at a suspiciously familiar interval...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal endorphine level
~~++++++++++++++++ users level -- drugs/alcohol (+) provide the balance
~~ 1st week sober (notice the lack of drug support)
FLARE UP (24-72 hours each time)
~~~~ after 1st flare up (4-7 days)
~~~~~~ after 30 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~ after 60 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~ after 90 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 6 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 9 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after a year's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal level reached after 1 1/2 years or more.
Notice how the Flare-ups occur in the same time periods as we give chips? Makes one wonder doesn't it?
I imagine you are asking yourself... So? So - if you relapse you start back at the beginning of the chart because your body stopped making endorphines when the drugs/alcohol started supplying them. That is one of the reasons people don't want to come back - they don't feel all right. Another reason is ego. Hang in there and you WILL feel better.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
"That's naught a celebration(knife)..."
I find it easier to not frame it in the form of a 'battle', because that suggests two sides either one of which may be the 'victor'. Shutting the door on a return drunknes, taking alcohol off the table as an option means that it is no longer a 'side' , it simply is no longer a possibility I will let myself entertain.
The occasional thought may pop up and that can't really be helped, it's more a Pavlovian response that has built up over the years. Dismissing them overtime , answering those thought patterns with a resolve to not return being a drunk (which for me, seems a very distinct possibility if I were to drink even in a celebratory fashion) will make the AV(any positive thought about alcohol consumption) less frequent and less urgent.
Nothing wrong with company
I find it easier to not frame it in the form of a 'battle', because that suggests two sides either one of which may be the 'victor'. Shutting the door on a return drunknes, taking alcohol off the table as an option means that it is no longer a 'side' , it simply is no longer a possibility I will let myself entertain.
The occasional thought may pop up and that can't really be helped, it's more a Pavlovian response that has built up over the years. Dismissing them overtime , answering those thought patterns with a resolve to not return being a drunk (which for me, seems a very distinct possibility if I were to drink even in a celebratory fashion) will make the AV(any positive thought about alcohol consumption) less frequent and less urgent.
Nothing wrong with company
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 937
Fabat, I'm pretty sure there are SR guidelines that prevent certain topics being discussed explicitly......
.......however, I can assure you that being there are some good things about being sober and there are some really outstanding things about being sober....
I've said enough. :-)
.......however, I can assure you that being there are some good things about being sober and there are some really outstanding things about being sober....
I've said enough. :-)
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by tufty13
Fabat, I'm pretty sure there are SR guidelines that prevent certain topics being discussed explicitly......
.......however, I can assure you that being there are some good things about being sober and there are some really outstanding things about being sober....
I've said enough. :-)
.......however, I can assure you that being there are some good things about being sober and there are some really outstanding things about being sober....
I've said enough. :-)
I did wonder if my original post would be edited or deleted. (I guess it may still be)
But it's true, as I said to Doggone Carl above, old habits die hard.
And one of the things I am working on is getting back in touch with myself not just emotionally and spiritually but also physically and with my body.
I have forgotten how to function without being "numbed" by alcohol.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Hey Fab: Like others have said, you can have sex without alcohol...and good sex has many benefits Relieves stress and anxiety for sure..... For recovering addicts I have heard it is recommended because of the natural endorphens that are released! Hope it doesn't embarrass you to talk so openly about it. I don't get too embarrassed about stuff. I once had a conversation with really big burly guy I knew through a connection and we talked very openly about stuff...And talked about his sex life with his wife who that opposite of him (petite)...they had a very good marriage and he was a good guy...we also talked about what's it's like to be so big and burly and he said it was awkward sometimes. His sister was big too...and I've always felt like I was a little on the big side because people told me I have big bones...I felt self conscious about that sometimes and the fact that I have BIG SHOULDERS...and you know what he said? He said it was GOOD to have big shoulders and to not be ashamed or feel bad about that. Sorry to ramble and get off topic...
About the champange and osters: I understand it's tempting, but we can overcome temptation and stay sober..You can substitute it with sparkling cider or something like that. I hope you don't listen to your AV that wants to imbibe to celebrate. You can do this. I am drinking some special tea this afternoon, It's called "Skin Detox". Great stuff...really WORKS! Got it at the health food store...Happy for you that you have something to celebrate. That's awesome...
About the champange and osters: I understand it's tempting, but we can overcome temptation and stay sober..You can substitute it with sparkling cider or something like that. I hope you don't listen to your AV that wants to imbibe to celebrate. You can do this. I am drinking some special tea this afternoon, It's called "Skin Detox". Great stuff...really WORKS! Got it at the health food store...Happy for you that you have something to celebrate. That's awesome...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I didn't change overnight - but I did change
If my old life was so great I'd still be living it. Instead, it made me desperately unhappy, so there was clearly something wrong there.
I like my life now. It's authentically me.
I can do what I want because I know my decisions now are based on positive self esteem and I'm not trying to run away from anything.
I've found new ways to find joy and excitement and to celebrate.
If Croc Dundee and green tea doesn't float your boat, the really great news is you don;t have to settle for that.
You're absolutely free to find out what does make the grade for you as a sober person dedicated to self care and not self destruction
D
If my old life was so great I'd still be living it. Instead, it made me desperately unhappy, so there was clearly something wrong there.
I like my life now. It's authentically me.
I can do what I want because I know my decisions now are based on positive self esteem and I'm not trying to run away from anything.
I've found new ways to find joy and excitement and to celebrate.
If Croc Dundee and green tea doesn't float your boat, the really great news is you don;t have to settle for that.
You're absolutely free to find out what does make the grade for you as a sober person dedicated to self care and not self destruction
D
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
AnvilheadII..great info...this was true for me as well...though I would say that those "Flare periods" last longer than 3 days.
It is so interesting that our body chemistry does that...
Is there a comparative study?
I wonder if it also happens to some extent with non alcoholics/addicts...and the difference is that they don't answer those low endorphin levels with drugs and alcohol...!
It is so interesting that our body chemistry does that...
Is there a comparative study?
I wonder if it also happens to some extent with non alcoholics/addicts...and the difference is that they don't answer those low endorphin levels with drugs and alcohol...!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 937
Originally Posted by Fabat50
I'm with you.
I did wonder if my original post would be edited or deleted. (I guess it may still be)
But it's true, as I said to Doggone Carl above, old habits die hard.
And one of the things I am working on is getting back in touch with myself not just emotionally and spiritually but also physically and with my body.
I have forgotten how to function without being "numbed" by alcohol.
I did wonder if my original post would be edited or deleted. (I guess it may still be)
But it's true, as I said to Doggone Carl above, old habits die hard.
And one of the things I am working on is getting back in touch with myself not just emotionally and spiritually but also physically and with my body.
I have forgotten how to function without being "numbed" by alcohol.
Sober sex is all of these three things together. The emotional coming from the meaningful. The "meaningful" being absent when drunk.
Emotional, physical, spiritual all present and correct has been a momentous realisation for me in sobriety.
I'm sure David Deida would have something to say about it.
Last edited by tufty13; 01-28-2016 at 03:11 PM. Reason: For clarity
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by Dee74
I didn't change overnight - but I did change
If my old life was so great I'd still be living it. Instead, it made me desperately unhappy, so there was clearly something wrong there.
I like my life now. It's authentically me.
I can do what I want because I know my decisions now are based on positive self esteem and I'm not trying to run away from anything.
I've found new ways to find joy and excitement and to celebrate.
If Croc Dundee and green tea doesn't float your boat, the really great news is you don;t have to settle for that.
You're absolutely free to find out what does make the grade for you as a sober person dedicated to self care and not self destruction
D
If my old life was so great I'd still be living it. Instead, it made me desperately unhappy, so there was clearly something wrong there.
I like my life now. It's authentically me.
I can do what I want because I know my decisions now are based on positive self esteem and I'm not trying to run away from anything.
I've found new ways to find joy and excitement and to celebrate.
If Croc Dundee and green tea doesn't float your boat, the really great news is you don;t have to settle for that.
You're absolutely free to find out what does make the grade for you as a sober person dedicated to self care and not self destruction
D
It's the green tea that is doing me in!
Sorry if I am sounding flippant here. I am not wanting to be. I am genuinely wavering. I need to go to bed NOW. This is going to sound pathetic but what the hell I will take responsability for it!! Croc is having a few beers in a cool bar in NY city having fun getting to know the locals. I want to be there too!
I know that probably sounds as if I have already been drinking. I can promise you that I have not.
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