My lesbian gf kissed a boy while in rehab.
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My lesbian gf kissed a boy while in rehab.
My girlfriend is an alcoholic. We are two lesbians who have been in a tumultuous relationship for over a year. It all started when she started drinking a lot due to stress at work and then she started focusing on how I managed my emotions when she would drink. I told her that I don't want to be around her when she drinks so I would leave to go to my friend house for a few hours. When I did this she would take it as I was abandoning her.
Anyhow, fast forward to what has happened currently. She was hitting rock bottom and decided she needs help. I was with her for the whole process as she was getting the run around from her insurance company. Her therapist recommend a private rehab recovery place but it was so expensive that she was discouraged. I told her I will help pay for it, I just wanted her to get the help she needed. Anyhow, at the 11th hour, her insurance came through and she checked into a dual rehab facility December 30, 2015.
I went to visit her on New Year's Day and she was so remorseful of how she was in the past and was apologizing for everything that went wrong in our relationship, I had apologized for my part as well. She was grateful that we have another chance together and that everything is going to be great between us. She was very affectionate towards me and assured me that everything is going to workout fine between us.
A week and a half past and I went to one of her family group meetings. When I saw her she was acting distant towards me. I went in to give her a kiss but she turned her head to kiss her cheek. I thought she was just shy cause people were around. She would call me at times and just say hi but our conversations would be short like she had something to do. She would ask me to bring food and water when I come to visit so I happily did. Her son and mother would also be at the visits so we didn't have alone time.
Well, the last visit I went to she had said she's going to leave rehab cause she's not getting too much out of it. She checked out 7 days early. I couldn't go pick her up cause I was at work so I made plans to go to her place after work. I called her after work to let her know I was on my way. She didn't seem excited that we were going to see each other. So I asked her what was up and she flat out told me that she made out with a guy in rehab. She said she was attracted to him and that she chose to kiss him. She's been talking about this guy in rehab that she hangs with cause he's the only one that she clicked with. I thought nothing of it cause he's 23 years old and my gf is 41 years old. When she had told me she kissed a guy, I automatically assumed it was that 23year old but she denied it and said it was someone else. She never talked about anyone else so I am sure it was that kid. Anyhow, I don't understand how her feelings has changed for me from being in rehab for 3 weeks? We broke up and she said she wants to explore life cause she's rediscovering herself and that she wants to do whatever she wants to do with nothing holding her back and not feeling guilty about it.
This whole thing just baffles me cause I was there for her and supported her throughout everything. She said she didn't cheat on me and that she was completely honest with me and told me when she came home from rehab. I thought being in rehab you're suppose to focus and work on yourself and not get into relations with others there. She chose not to contact me and was cold towards me and hoped that I find someone who will love me deeply.
I am just so sad and confused and wonder if she will have a change of heart once she realizes that I'm her soulmate. I love her so much. I worry about her relapsing since she checked out early and now going to out patient rehab which didn't work for her the first time around. Any thoughts, suggestions, reasons for her behavior for getting involved with someone in rehab? And do you think she will go back to drinking again? Thanks for reading.
Anyhow, fast forward to what has happened currently. She was hitting rock bottom and decided she needs help. I was with her for the whole process as she was getting the run around from her insurance company. Her therapist recommend a private rehab recovery place but it was so expensive that she was discouraged. I told her I will help pay for it, I just wanted her to get the help she needed. Anyhow, at the 11th hour, her insurance came through and she checked into a dual rehab facility December 30, 2015.
I went to visit her on New Year's Day and she was so remorseful of how she was in the past and was apologizing for everything that went wrong in our relationship, I had apologized for my part as well. She was grateful that we have another chance together and that everything is going to be great between us. She was very affectionate towards me and assured me that everything is going to workout fine between us.
A week and a half past and I went to one of her family group meetings. When I saw her she was acting distant towards me. I went in to give her a kiss but she turned her head to kiss her cheek. I thought she was just shy cause people were around. She would call me at times and just say hi but our conversations would be short like she had something to do. She would ask me to bring food and water when I come to visit so I happily did. Her son and mother would also be at the visits so we didn't have alone time.
Well, the last visit I went to she had said she's going to leave rehab cause she's not getting too much out of it. She checked out 7 days early. I couldn't go pick her up cause I was at work so I made plans to go to her place after work. I called her after work to let her know I was on my way. She didn't seem excited that we were going to see each other. So I asked her what was up and she flat out told me that she made out with a guy in rehab. She said she was attracted to him and that she chose to kiss him. She's been talking about this guy in rehab that she hangs with cause he's the only one that she clicked with. I thought nothing of it cause he's 23 years old and my gf is 41 years old. When she had told me she kissed a guy, I automatically assumed it was that 23year old but she denied it and said it was someone else. She never talked about anyone else so I am sure it was that kid. Anyhow, I don't understand how her feelings has changed for me from being in rehab for 3 weeks? We broke up and she said she wants to explore life cause she's rediscovering herself and that she wants to do whatever she wants to do with nothing holding her back and not feeling guilty about it.
This whole thing just baffles me cause I was there for her and supported her throughout everything. She said she didn't cheat on me and that she was completely honest with me and told me when she came home from rehab. I thought being in rehab you're suppose to focus and work on yourself and not get into relations with others there. She chose not to contact me and was cold towards me and hoped that I find someone who will love me deeply.
I am just so sad and confused and wonder if she will have a change of heart once she realizes that I'm her soulmate. I love her so much. I worry about her relapsing since she checked out early and now going to out patient rehab which didn't work for her the first time around. Any thoughts, suggestions, reasons for her behavior for getting involved with someone in rehab? And do you think she will go back to drinking again? Thanks for reading.
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I'm so sorry you're hurting, especially as you have been such a support to your ex.
My guess is she's distracting herself from recovery by having a relationship fill that drama void...and I'd pretty much guarantee both she and he will relapse as a result. There's a reason they tell you not to start new relationships for a year after rehab.
You've done everything you could, but maybe it's time to move on and find someone who will appreciate your kind and generous heart.
My guess is she's distracting herself from recovery by having a relationship fill that drama void...and I'd pretty much guarantee both she and he will relapse as a result. There's a reason they tell you not to start new relationships for a year after rehab.
You've done everything you could, but maybe it's time to move on and find someone who will appreciate your kind and generous heart.
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I believe that type of behavior towards a relationship is probably not that uncommon for a recovering alcoholic. I know when I got sober I felt like I had just woken from a coma and I started questioning everything, especially my relationships. I came very close to divorcing my wife of 12 years (who I have 3 children with). We were sleeping in separate corners of the house and I was finalizing paperwork to move out (had lease and divorce papers in my car). I was also pursuing relationships with other women, though nothing serious came out of it, it wasn't for lack of effort.
All you can really do is give it time, and express your feelings of love for your partner in any way you can. Try not to get angry about it as that will just do more to drive her away. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best for both of you.
All you can really do is give it time, and express your feelings of love for your partner in any way you can. Try not to get angry about it as that will just do more to drive her away. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best for both of you.
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Welcome Scratchnhead. I'm so glad you found us and so very sorry for the reason. This must be over-the-top painful for you.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to take care of yourself and learn everything you can about having a relationship with an alcoholic. The stickies at the top are a good place to start. You also might try an Alanon meeting although they don't fit everyone.
Let us know how you are. There are many people here who have been through the wringer with alcoholics.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to take care of yourself and learn everything you can about having a relationship with an alcoholic. The stickies at the top are a good place to start. You also might try an Alanon meeting although they don't fit everyone.
Let us know how you are. There are many people here who have been through the wringer with alcoholics.
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It's also really common for re-hab romances to take place. It is a very different and cloistered environment in re-hab and people can easily fall into usually meaningless 'relationships' which dissolve with re-entry into the real world. I hope it works out for you both but think your gf will need to be sober for that to happen. Staying here will help.
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Scratchnhead......I am sorry for your p ain...which I know is very acute, right now.
Sadly, your experience is not uncommon.....
She h as a long road, ahead, if she is to be in genuine recovery....
Rehab is just the process of pointing a person in the right direction (in a safe and structured environment)....it takes time and intensely focused work with sobriety being their number one priority....The first two years is considered "early recovery"......and it can be a very confusing and slippery slope for an addict or alcoholic....
Rehab romances are almost always destined for the dumpster......
They take place in an environment where intimate and personal things are talked about....so, this can easily be distorted for "the real thing"......
Alcoholics don't usually know themselves....much less, another person....
As was said above...when the "relationship" hits the real world, it usually collapses quickly.....
If you have known her for only a year...and it was a tumultuous year, at that,,,,,
You probably didn't really know her either.....you just knew alcohol soaked part that she presented to you....
It takes a long time to really get to know a person.....and one year is still a short time---even in the most stable of circumstances.....
You will go through a few weeks---months---of grieving the loss that you are feeling....
That is normal for the situation....
You will recover, though.....and, you won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
Sadly, your experience is not uncommon.....
She h as a long road, ahead, if she is to be in genuine recovery....
Rehab is just the process of pointing a person in the right direction (in a safe and structured environment)....it takes time and intensely focused work with sobriety being their number one priority....The first two years is considered "early recovery"......and it can be a very confusing and slippery slope for an addict or alcoholic....
Rehab romances are almost always destined for the dumpster......
They take place in an environment where intimate and personal things are talked about....so, this can easily be distorted for "the real thing"......
Alcoholics don't usually know themselves....much less, another person....
As was said above...when the "relationship" hits the real world, it usually collapses quickly.....
If you have known her for only a year...and it was a tumultuous year, at that,,,,,
You probably didn't really know her either.....you just knew alcohol soaked part that she presented to you....
It takes a long time to really get to know a person.....and one year is still a short time---even in the most stable of circumstances.....
You will go through a few weeks---months---of grieving the loss that you are feeling....
That is normal for the situation....
You will recover, though.....and, you won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
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I am really sorry for what you are going through.
My advice would be to start going to Al Anon so you can work on your co-dependency issues. You have known this person only a year, and it sounds like it has been a tough one. You have crowned this woman your "soulmate" and ask will she realize it? Many a person have stayed committed to people in a very one sided relationship based on the term "soulmate" hoping that they would one day realize that everything they need is right in front of them. You need to look at the actions and the words, she has broken up with you and is being cold and distant.
While you worry about her drinking again (which you can't control), or if she is interested in rehab dude (which you can't control) and whether she will discover "you are the one" (which you can't control), I wonder how your daily life is being affected being so focused on HER and HER issues?
It is true that early recovery can turn a person inside out. Who she is a sober person will be different than the alcoholic that you met. It takes 100% focus and commitment the first year of recovery. Read through the stories here, you will find many long term marriages and relationships struggling through the recovery process.
Give her her space. More will be revealed.
My advice would be to start going to Al Anon so you can work on your co-dependency issues. You have known this person only a year, and it sounds like it has been a tough one. You have crowned this woman your "soulmate" and ask will she realize it? Many a person have stayed committed to people in a very one sided relationship based on the term "soulmate" hoping that they would one day realize that everything they need is right in front of them. You need to look at the actions and the words, she has broken up with you and is being cold and distant.
While you worry about her drinking again (which you can't control), or if she is interested in rehab dude (which you can't control) and whether she will discover "you are the one" (which you can't control), I wonder how your daily life is being affected being so focused on HER and HER issues?
It is true that early recovery can turn a person inside out. Who she is a sober person will be different than the alcoholic that you met. It takes 100% focus and commitment the first year of recovery. Read through the stories here, you will find many long term marriages and relationships struggling through the recovery process.
Give her her space. More will be revealed.
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I am going to say something that might hurt. You hear a lot of stories like this about rehab.
Going to rehab reiterates that one should focus on themselves. I think there are some people who take that to the extreme. It's possible that she has been thinking these things for a long time, however, she did not have the strength to actually move forward. She needed you at the time, but is now feeling stronger.
I'm sorry. This is all just a guess of course, I don't know her at all. It is just you hear these things a lot on here, and this has been my outtake on it for a while.
Put the focus on you, and be kind to yourself.
Many, many hugs to you.
Going to rehab reiterates that one should focus on themselves. I think there are some people who take that to the extreme. It's possible that she has been thinking these things for a long time, however, she did not have the strength to actually move forward. She needed you at the time, but is now feeling stronger.
I'm sorry. This is all just a guess of course, I don't know her at all. It is just you hear these things a lot on here, and this has been my outtake on it for a while.
Put the focus on you, and be kind to yourself.
Many, many hugs to you.
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Ariesagain - Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me to see it from another perspective. If you don't mind me asking, what changed your mind about moving out and getting a divorce?
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
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Originally Posted by redatlanta 
I am really sorry for what you are going through.
My advice would be to start going to Al Anon so you can work on your co-dependency issues. You have known this person only a year, and it sounds like it has been a tough one. You have crowned this woman your "soulmate" and ask will she realize it? Many a person have stayed committed to people in a very one sided relationship based on the term "soulmate" hoping that they would one day realize that everything they need is right in front of them. You need to look at the actions and the words, she has broken up with you and is being cold and distant.
While you worry about her drinking again (which you can't control), or if she is interested in rehab dude (which you can't control) and whether she will discover "you are the one" (which you can't control), I wonder how your daily life is being affected being so focused on HER and HER issues?
It is true that early recovery can turn a person inside out. Who she is a sober person will be different than the alcoholic that you met. It takes 100% focus and commitment the first year of recovery. Read through the stories here, you will find many long term marriages and relationships struggling through the recovery process.
Give her her space. More will be revealed.
My advice would be to start going to Al Anon so you can work on your co-dependency issues. You have known this person only a year, and it sounds like it has been a tough one. You have crowned this woman your "soulmate" and ask will she realize it? Many a person have stayed committed to people in a very one sided relationship based on the term "soulmate" hoping that they would one day realize that everything they need is right in front of them. You need to look at the actions and the words, she has broken up with you and is being cold and distant.
While you worry about her drinking again (which you can't control), or if she is interested in rehab dude (which you can't control) and whether she will discover "you are the one" (which you can't control), I wonder how your daily life is being affected being so focused on HER and HER issues?
It is true that early recovery can turn a person inside out. Who she is a sober person will be different than the alcoholic that you met. It takes 100% focus and commitment the first year of recovery. Read through the stories here, you will find many long term marriages and relationships struggling through the recovery process.
Give her her space. More will be revealed.
The first year we got together, that was the real her without any alcohol involved so that's how I know her to be. We always said we were blessed and grateful to find each other and that we are soulmates. Then the latter part of the second year she started to drink here and there because of stress from work. She started to have depression and her drinking got worse. That's when we started to argue a lot. Her personality changed and she became distant and somewhat cold towards me. This past year was tumultuous where she was drinking more heavily finishing up 2 bottles of wine and having a 6 pack all together.
Anyhow, I am going to go to Al-anon to get the support I need and I am continuing to work on myself.
I just miss that awesome girl that I once knew 3 years ago. I hope she will show up again one day.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am going to say something that might hurt. You hear a lot of stories like this about rehab.
Going to rehab reiterates that one should focus on themselves. I think there are some people who take that to the extreme. It's possible that she has been thinking these things for a long time, however, she did not have the strength to actually move forward. She needed you at the time, but is now feeling stronger.
I'm sorry. This is all just a guess of course, I don't know her at all. It is just you hear these things a lot on here, and this has been my outtake on it for a while.
Put the focus on you, and be kind to yourself.
Many, many hugs to you.
Going to rehab reiterates that one should focus on themselves. I think there are some people who take that to the extreme. It's possible that she has been thinking these things for a long time, however, she did not have the strength to actually move forward. She needed you at the time, but is now feeling stronger.
I'm sorry. This is all just a guess of course, I don't know her at all. It is just you hear these things a lot on here, and this has been my outtake on it for a while.
Put the focus on you, and be kind to yourself.
Many, many hugs to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by dandylion
Scratchnhead......
If you have known her for only a year...and it was a tumultuous year, at that,,,,,
You probably didn't really know her either.....you just knew alcohol soaked part that she presented to you....
It takes a long time to really get to know a person.....and one year is still a short time---even in the most stable of circumstances.....
You will go through a few weeks---months---of grieving the loss that you are feeling....
That is normal for the situation....
You will recover, though.....and, you won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
If you have known her for only a year...and it was a tumultuous year, at that,,,,,
You probably didn't really know her either.....you just knew alcohol soaked part that she presented to you....
It takes a long time to really get to know a person.....and one year is still a short time---even in the most stable of circumstances.....
You will go through a few weeks---months---of grieving the loss that you are feeling....
That is normal for the situation....
You will recover, though.....and, you won't always feel like this.....
dandylion
I have been together with her for almost 3 years and the first year of our relationship she didn't really drink, she was into her fitness. So we met when she was sober and I loved that person she was back then she was so amazing. I pray one day she will show up at my doorstep as the person I fell in love with and know her to be.
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Cahabr - Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me to see it from another perspective. If you don't mind me asking, what changed your mind about moving out and getting a divorce?
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
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Sorry Ariesagain this post was meant for someone else. But thank you for your reply. I still have hope that after her recovery she will come back into my life. In the meantime, I am going to take good care of myself and get the support that I need. I know everything will play out how it's meant to.
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What I've found in my experiences is that people with an addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.,) often fear being alone. They need someone else there - almost a care-taker and a blame-taker, so that they are not left do deal with themselves. It's part of the addiction - not taking responsibility for yourself, so that process, while not drinking or being under the influence of anything else, is made easier with a partner.
I'm not saying this is the case for every single person with a substance abuse problem, but it is a common one. My ex had so many conversations with me over the phone that, looking back on it, were so damn unhealthy, in regards to me not being there at that moment and him missing me. Recent calls and attempts to connect with me tell me the same thing - there is a desparate need to have someone else there.
In the early part of recovery, this doesn't disappear. It presents itself as a deep issue that one needs to work out in their sobriety. People either work on it, or keep using it as a vice. It may be something she's latching onto a little stronger because of the other vice she is giving up. That's all speculation, though, because a recovering alcoholic is wading through a lot of fog and emotions that they've never dealt with during the early part of their recovery. This may be what she's doing right now, and I understand how hurtful that is for you. Recovery is a long process, too, and it is for both people involved - the alcoholic and the loved one. So, the space and time apart may be the best thing for you both, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Like others have mentioned, take this time to work on yourself. You need to get back to being the person you were prior to alcoholism invading your life, for your own good, and that's a different path than what the alcoholic takes. The best thing to do is let her know that you're wishing her the best in recovery, and let her go. If she doesn't feel strong enough to continue the relationship, then trying to change that isn't going to help either of you.
However it ends, your focus needs to be getting back on being the better "you" that you were. Get back to making yourself the priority, and get back to being the person that can be one part of a healthy relationship in the future. If there is a future with the two of you, it is a must that you both be on this level. And if there isn't, it is still a must to find what you feel you had again. More than anything else, you deserve to feel this way, and certainly don't deserve the hot, cold, and distance.
I'm not saying this is the case for every single person with a substance abuse problem, but it is a common one. My ex had so many conversations with me over the phone that, looking back on it, were so damn unhealthy, in regards to me not being there at that moment and him missing me. Recent calls and attempts to connect with me tell me the same thing - there is a desparate need to have someone else there.
In the early part of recovery, this doesn't disappear. It presents itself as a deep issue that one needs to work out in their sobriety. People either work on it, or keep using it as a vice. It may be something she's latching onto a little stronger because of the other vice she is giving up. That's all speculation, though, because a recovering alcoholic is wading through a lot of fog and emotions that they've never dealt with during the early part of their recovery. This may be what she's doing right now, and I understand how hurtful that is for you. Recovery is a long process, too, and it is for both people involved - the alcoholic and the loved one. So, the space and time apart may be the best thing for you both, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Like others have mentioned, take this time to work on yourself. You need to get back to being the person you were prior to alcoholism invading your life, for your own good, and that's a different path than what the alcoholic takes. The best thing to do is let her know that you're wishing her the best in recovery, and let her go. If she doesn't feel strong enough to continue the relationship, then trying to change that isn't going to help either of you.
However it ends, your focus needs to be getting back on being the better "you" that you were. Get back to making yourself the priority, and get back to being the person that can be one part of a healthy relationship in the future. If there is a future with the two of you, it is a must that you both be on this level. And if there isn't, it is still a must to find what you feel you had again. More than anything else, you deserve to feel this way, and certainly don't deserve the hot, cold, and distance.
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she's probably messed up and yet trying to figure out a LOT of stuff - including her sexuality. she may be having doubts about EVERYTHING and seeking a completely different type of partner and see how that "fits".
as others have said, there really is nothing you can DO to change the present, only to be good to yourself, and work hard to have as good a life as you wish for her.
as others have said, there really is nothing you can DO to change the present, only to be good to yourself, and work hard to have as good a life as you wish for her.
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I wouldnt worry too much about the kiss itself. I went through recovery and usually your asked to lool at your life, hows it working. Plus there are a lot of emotions. Guilt, regret, happines, hope. It is mixed and I think its hard to say how she will feel in even a month or two. If your meant to be, likely you will find your way back tpgether. Until then, take care of yourself and keep your options open.
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AnonWife - Thank you for your response. My best friend who grew up with a sister being an addict had told me that my ex-gf will contact me again, no doubt. She's keen on how their behaviors are. I am hoping that she will find her way back to me after going through the recovery program. In the meantime, I am going to my first Al-anon meeting tonight, feeling a bit nervous.
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Originally Posted by Scratchnhead
Cahabr - Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me to see it from another perspective. If you don't mind me asking, what changed your mind about moving out and getting a divorce?
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
Unfortunately, my ex gf ended our relationship the day she made out with the guy in rehab. She said after kissing him that she knew it was time to let go of ours. All I can do is accept it and respect her decision. I get that she needs to focus on herself 100% and I don't want to hinder her from her road to recovery. I am going to go to Al-anon just for my peace of mind and for support. Thank you for your response.
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I glad to hear you will be attending Alanon and focusing on you! That's a great plan.
Addiction is progressive. So many of us have looked back at the qualifier in our lives and wished for the old them back. I totally understand.
Hugs to you!
Addiction is progressive. So many of us have looked back at the qualifier in our lives and wished for the old them back. I totally understand.
Hugs to you!
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