Highwind

Im currently working away and finding iut really tough....a lad on the job asked if I wanted to go for a drink on thursday and as I was caught of guard and felt daft saying no (he knows im sat in a b and b on my own every night) I said yes.

I then decided to keep up appearances id go and have a few beers on Thursday and put iut down as a blip....my resolve left me then and once done work I stated the two mile walk to the nearest bar....got to the bar and changed my mind and walked back, got in the van and went to a meeting.

I know I got to take it off the table as an option but my brain wont compute....now I got to work out how to cancel the drink I arranged.....im in a rough and heavy drinking trade so dread the I dont drink conversation as they look at you like youve grown a second head.

I pulled back from the brink today but dont know how many handbrake turns I can do......i hate this mess and I hate having no one to talk too....even at AA I cant bring myself to voice up what im feeling and just stay silent the whole time.

Bruno1979

Hi Highwind,

I work away too, I used to get hammered every night, rough as a bears arse the next day and so on and so on.

I decided to stop. I'm working in Newcastle upon Tyne this week which is a massive drinking city.

As soon as I get to the hotel I'm straight on here, Facebook and as many other football sites as I can to keep me busy,

I then stuff my face with food and settle down to watch the TV or listen to podcasts that I've downloaded.

Waking up the next day hangover free ready for work is priceless, as is not wasting hard earned money on booze.

As for the excuse not to go drinking, just say you couldn't be arsed and fancied an early night. End of.

Keep at it buddy,

Bruno.

SillyHuman

Highwind, that was powerful action right there. If that would have been me in that exact situation, I would have been a goner. You did great! That was success. I wish you felt better about it.

It is hard. I have to force myself to talk at meetings. Once I do, I'm always glad I did, but getting those first words out is a bear. I hope you speak up at your next meeting, even if it is just to say that you are not in the mood to talk but do appreciate the people at the meeting.

Hang in there. You can do this. You got some serious strength!

least

Stay strong. It gets better.

Thumpalumpacus

Hiya Highwind, good job denying the urge. Close call but we all have 'em, right?

See if you can't bring yourself to talk a little at your next meeting. It's been my experience that uttering your hopes and fears has a way of solidifying the former and robbing the latter of power.

Stay strong, brotha. You can do it, one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Ruby2

I really like what Sillyhuman and Thump said. First, you are seriously strong if you walked to the bar and then didn't go, but went to a meeting instead. That takes a lot of strength to do. Please give yourself more credit.

And what Thump said, I've found that simply voicing what I'm feeling, that I want a drink, really takes the wind out of the urge. I've sat through many meetings where people haven't said much except to relate, straight on, what they were feeling at the moment. Maybe give it a try? There are some days that I just say I'm grateful I'm at the meeting.

You're doing well. Hang in there and I'm glad you came here to talk.

Dropsie

That was brave.

About the drink on Thursday, something came up. So simple -- and true something did come up, you don't drink.

Keep up the good work -- you are stronger than you think. Most of us once we decided to drink are goners but you weren't. Be proud.

FarToGo

Sounds to me like you did great! Might feel like a near miss, but you stopped yourself, remember that. More practice and more sober time and it starts to feel less of a battle, I promise.
well done!
xx

MariahGayle

Great going Highwind! Could you maybe find a temporary sponsor where you are at?

48heath

You are doing all the right things Highwind.

Please face the fear and speak out in a meeting about how you are feeling.Then the help will be there.

Wishing you well.

Soberwolf

Cancel on the drinking & tell your AV where to go

RedAndy

Agree with cancelling the planned drink Highwind & good on you for walking out of that bar too, that must have taken some effort but can relate to it.

Went to my first AA meeting last Friday on the verge of saying balls to this after 9 weeks - bad day / feeling anxious / stupid row with the wife (she'd had a couple of beers when I got in despite doing dry Jan - coz she can but which was unexpected and threw me - it's not an option for us) - sat quiet for a while contemplating it / she got the hump and began texting from the living room - didn't need the hassle then tears of frustration and lost it a bit and kicked lumps out of the bedroom door / got changed and was on the verge when I decided to google AA and took myself to my first meeting instead, felt awkward there as I arrived as it was starting and hadn't spoken to anyone so all eyes were on me when I walked in the room and wasn't sure at all but was made to feel welcome and sat and listened, will also like you need to gain some confidence to speak up, whilst I can be loud, if I'm not confident I am a definite shrinking violet, altho once I start I can't stop and wondered if people will be sick of hearing me.

All the best with it.

Bird615

All I know is that trying to do it all on my own was the unhappiest way to be sober.

Going to meetings and, most importantly, practicing the 12 Steps in my life has given me the gift of being contented with my sobriety instead of feeling like I'm missing out on all the "fun" or I that I need to drink to cope with life.

As for speaking up at meetings, I still find it kind of difficult, so I comment only if I really have something to say and keep it pretty short. Sometimes it's just to say I'm grateful to be sober or glad to be there and it helps me to feel like I'm a part of the group.

Sean30

Highwind, please remember you have options.. If you choose to drink it will absolutely SUCK.

I say this from current experience.

The journey you are on now will make you stronger in your recovery. Just stick with the winning team.

It must be worth it dude

Highwind

Just so you all know a made up a reason why I needed to cancel my drink with the chap at work.....i try not to lie but felt it was for the greater good.....still finding it tough but out of immediate danger.

RedAndy

Good move mate.