Kys

I've come to an end of a relationship that I had for a few years. My ex is now spending time away with a close friend before we make new and permanent living arrangements this coming weekend.

Being very mindful of triggers right now. Most times are ok and I made the final decision that we're not meant to be in the long term, still has it's very lonely moments (like now) and with that it can be a lot hoping that I haven't made the wrong choice.

Thanks for reading, very confused right now and wanted to get this out somewhere.

Lockyboy

Good luck Kys, my fiance of 8 years split from me due to being fed up if my drinking and my continual half hearted attempts to kick it.

It can get very lonely and down at times, and while I'm still raw and missing her, I'm determined to stay sober and beat this curse, if you need to talk, hit me up.

PurpleKnight

Very sorry to here of your breakup Kys, it's never easy no matter how amicable things are!!

Stay close to SR if you need us!!

Soberwolf

Sorry Kys stick close & lean on us whenever you need remember there is an SR online meeting at 9pm in chat

ZeldaFan

Breakups are never easy and it takes time to get back to feeling collected again. Sorry to hear that you are going through one. Like SW said, stick close to us and you will get through this!

soberclover

Glad you are here and talking about it. Relationships are super confusing to me. I've learned to appreciate times of solitude in my sobriety. I'm sorry you are sad.

least

A breakup is always hard, more so when you're getting sober.

ALinNS

Wishing you the very best, unfortunately I can relate all to well, I lost a lady I thought the world of in November of this year, my adult children will not talk to me and I spent my first Christmas with only my dog and man it was tough. In my case I did relapse in November but have been on a mission to get this alcohol out of my life forever. But being lonely and having no one, it's a heck of a tough thing to do. What I do is go for walks/hikes, stay busy and pray in time the pain will subside, I know from experience it does, it just takes time, stay sober and your head will stay clear. IMHO

back2thegoodME

I'm in the beginning stages of planning a breakup with someone who is not good for me. with someone who everyone says is such a great guy, etc. But he isnt to me, when he is drinking that is. I am starting to want and need the loneliness, instead of the fear of the drunken weekends with non-stop fighting and name callings and put downs and only to awake to be told to forget about it and the things that were said are not true. but I cant forget and I starting to believe his drunken words are the truth. You are strong to make better choices for yourself. I hope I will be soon.

Anna

I'm sorry Kys. Breakups, even at your initiative, are bound to be painful and there will be moments when you question yourself. Hopefully as days go by, you get settled In a new place, there won't be too many days like that.

Never forget that we're here for you.

teatreeoil007

Some breakups are hard; others bring relief and Liberty; I guess it just depends on the people, circumstances, level of attachment, etc.

Kys

Thanks for your words everyone and have kept with me the last day or so. Can be both daunting and exiting at the same time when you make big decisions like this. There was a time a few years back when I was alone and unchecked and kept plumetting into the drink. That's at the forefront of my mind (how terrible that time was), as is the freedom that not drinking gave me.

@soberwolf (or anyone!) - is there a schedule or something I can check out for the online meetings?

Warmest thoughts to all of you for the new year. I'm feeling good about it

MissPerfumado

My thoughts are with you, Kys. I broke up a relationship just before Christmas. I loved him, still love him, very much and I think about him many times a day, but I know I had to break it off because it was causing me tremendous stress and escalating my drinking, which was already excessive.

Of course I miss him very much. I have been able to push the sadness away these past few days especially over Christmas when I was with family, but the ache is still there.

The upside is that I can see how much easier it is to focus on sobriety without the damaging and distracting push-pull of the relationship. The one-day-at-a-time approach also applies to so many things. Each day brings me more inner strength, more calm and a more positive way of looking at things.

I asked him not to contact me and to give me time to work on myself and to move on emotionally. I told him I would contact him in about 6 months - this may not be a good idea in your case, but in mine, I believe that amount of time will help me know myself better as a sober individual, and I can then decide what to do about the relationship when I am in a healthier frame of mind. I'm not saying that is what you should do, but it stops me from wondering whether to contact him, or whether I've made a mistake. The "me" in six months' time can decide those things. The "me" at this moment needs to focus on getting sober.

Dee74

I'm sorry I missed this Kys , and I'm sorry for the breakup but I seem to recall it's been an issue for a while so I have no doubt you made the right choice .

There's no reason why you 'being alone' should mean you plunging headlong back into the darkness either.

First off you're not alone - you have SR - there's also several meeting based approaches to recovery that you can choose from - AA, SMART, Lifering...or counselling, or outpatient rehab.

The chat meetings here are Tuesday and Friday nights 9pm EST (US) Not a great time for the UK or Aust, but the chat room is of course open all the time

Stay connected and stay sober Kys - make 2016 your year right from the get go
D

Kys

These messages mean a lot, it's hard in a way to talk about things like this even with close friends and family.

There's a lot on my mind but in short I know that this decision lets me focus on myself more so, and concerning drinking that's still what I need at this point in my life. Just is. That was a big part of my reasoning.

Looking forward to 2016.

forabetterlife

I am sorry you are going through this. I also can relate. I recently ended a 11 year on again off again relationship ...well, to me it was always "on", which was a big part of the problem. I finally got to a point where I saw the reality of the relationship, and of him, and finally let go/gave up. He had become toxic for me. Of course, it wasn't always like that, which is what I was clinging to. It has taken me a few months, but I little by little I feel more and more acceptance...and relief.

If the relationship is not right, you just know. And it will feel good to take some time for yourself, focusing on you and your sobriety. Be proud of yourself for being strong, we all know it's not easy.

Take care.