A short Christmas Tale - especially for those who awoke to the pounding dread of another blackout...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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A short Christmas Tale - especially for those who awoke to the pounding dread of another blackout...
Two years ago, I'm sure I was already drinking by now.
I don't honestly remember the details. Most likely it was irish cream and whiskey in my coffee for breakfast.
I have memories of Christmas Day. Of family and of opening presents. But also memories of losing my keys and frantically searching for them in the snowbanks of my driveway for hours. Of emotional meltdowns. Of stress and bottled up depression. I have memories of headaches and waking with terrible hangovers and of daily blackouts for the holiday season.
I have a memory - very fuzzy and vague - of police at my door. Of my Mom and my Lady very concerned and confused. Of my children, hopefully oblivious to what was going on.... but surely wondering why Dad was acting so oddly. Of a family intervention the next day. Of going back to AA... this time, finally, knowing and realizing that this all had to change.
On the 28th, I woke up without a hangover, without a drink and embarked on my first real day sober in over a year and a half (the duration of my relapse since my decision to end 5 months of sobriety because I was now going to be able to 'moderate').
Christmas is a really tough time for many of us.... in fact even now I've had my moments where Christmas brought on challenging emotions. But this year I've dealt with them through recognizing them, accepting them, moving through them consciously. I've been present and happy and free - even during some of the sad moments.
But this Christmas morning as I hang with my family and enjoy my coffee (booze free, straight up, just the way I like it - but only 1.5 cups today because I'm working on this one last addiction... lol) - it occurs to me how many of ME there may be out there right now.
So.... if you've woken today with a hangover...
If you've just arisen through the haze of another blackout, wondering in horror what happened last night...
If you're feeling the despair of failure.... feeling you're trapped....
If you tried - AGAIN - and somehow, it all went wrong.....
If you'd intended not to drink - but caved in and chose to anyway...
If this Christmas Morning is secretly or tragically another clear message that your addiction is owning your life and making it miserable....
Then just know, it can all be the point at which you turn a corner and step forward into a Whole New Life that is infinitely greater, more abundant, more joyful and rewarding and wonderful than you ever imagined.
If this Christmas morning is a morning of addiction beating you down....
Then pick yourself, dust yourself off, forgive yourself and make yourself a NEW CHOICE!!!
Because a whole new life is right there waiting. Merry Christmas.
I don't honestly remember the details. Most likely it was irish cream and whiskey in my coffee for breakfast.
I have memories of Christmas Day. Of family and of opening presents. But also memories of losing my keys and frantically searching for them in the snowbanks of my driveway for hours. Of emotional meltdowns. Of stress and bottled up depression. I have memories of headaches and waking with terrible hangovers and of daily blackouts for the holiday season.
I have a memory - very fuzzy and vague - of police at my door. Of my Mom and my Lady very concerned and confused. Of my children, hopefully oblivious to what was going on.... but surely wondering why Dad was acting so oddly. Of a family intervention the next day. Of going back to AA... this time, finally, knowing and realizing that this all had to change.
On the 28th, I woke up without a hangover, without a drink and embarked on my first real day sober in over a year and a half (the duration of my relapse since my decision to end 5 months of sobriety because I was now going to be able to 'moderate').
Christmas is a really tough time for many of us.... in fact even now I've had my moments where Christmas brought on challenging emotions. But this year I've dealt with them through recognizing them, accepting them, moving through them consciously. I've been present and happy and free - even during some of the sad moments.
But this Christmas morning as I hang with my family and enjoy my coffee (booze free, straight up, just the way I like it - but only 1.5 cups today because I'm working on this one last addiction... lol) - it occurs to me how many of ME there may be out there right now.
So.... if you've woken today with a hangover...
If you've just arisen through the haze of another blackout, wondering in horror what happened last night...
If you're feeling the despair of failure.... feeling you're trapped....
If you tried - AGAIN - and somehow, it all went wrong.....
If you'd intended not to drink - but caved in and chose to anyway...
If this Christmas Morning is secretly or tragically another clear message that your addiction is owning your life and making it miserable....
Then just know, it can all be the point at which you turn a corner and step forward into a Whole New Life that is infinitely greater, more abundant, more joyful and rewarding and wonderful than you ever imagined.
If this Christmas morning is a morning of addiction beating you down....
Then pick yourself, dust yourself off, forgive yourself and make yourself a NEW CHOICE!!!
Because a whole new life is right there waiting. Merry Christmas.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hope you had a great day this year FreeOwl 
D
D
Quite a different experience from so many others gone past. All for the better.
It was hard having to drop the girls off to their mom, especially after the tear-jerking comments from my eldest that all she wanted for Christmas was to NOT go back to her mom's... ever again. The half of Christmas that I'm without them always engenders a sense of loss and sadness.
But, we're off to my Lady's family's house for dinner and then we'll probably just lie on the sofa and watch a movie. Low-key, togetherness, presence, healthfulness, family.... yes, it's pretty darn good all things considered.
Merry Christmas, Dee.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Last Christmas I woke up from a blackout and had vagur recollections of pooice too.
This year I'm happy sober
Though I need to stop eating, its getting ridiculous already and its not even dinner time yet
This year I'm happy sober
Though I need to stop eating, its getting ridiculous already and its not even dinner time yet
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
FO, what a beautiful post!!!!
Then just know, it can all be the point at which you turn a corner and step forward into a Whole New Life that is infinitely greater, more abundant, more joyful and rewarding and wonderful than you ever imagined.
Yes!
Then just know, it can all be the point at which you turn a corner and step forward into a Whole New Life that is infinitely greater, more abundant, more joyful and rewarding and wonderful than you ever imagined.
Yes!
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