Only managed to do 4 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: South West England
Posts: 17
Only managed to do 4 days
I joined the site a couple of weeks back after saying enough was enough and that I was seriously stopping drinking for good. I got to day 4, a Tuesday, and the cravings were so bad I drank a bottle of wine. I told myself I'd limit myself to two bottles of wine a week - one during the week, and one at the weekend. That stupid idea didn't last five minutes as since then I have drank every single day, at least one bottle. I estimate since last Tuesday I have gotten through 11 bottles of wine.
The weird thing is, I know I have a problem, I drink far too much, I'm out of control, I cannot moderate. But I feel more emotionally stable now than I did during those four days of abstinence. Then, I felt so cripplingly depressed, I just lay in bed and sobbed. I haven't been that bad for quite some time. I felt so empty, barren, terrified, raw. But now I'm back drinking again, yes I feel tired and vacant as always, but I feel so much more comfortable, stable.
I feel so ashamed to admit this. My mind is so screwed up. I've been told by professionals that I'll die if I don't stop drinking, yet I can't fight my way out of this. I just cannot seem to live without drink. I can't handle the awful emotions when I abstain for more than a couple of days. I miss the respite alcohol provides, the comfort, the warmth, the dulling of tension and fading of negative emotions, the switching off of intense, negative, confusing thoughts which rush round my head day in, day out. I just don't know what to do. I know it's only me who can change this. I may not be physically addicted just yet, but psychologically I feel 100% locked and bolted in with all keys thrown to the bottom of the sea. I feel more comfortable and safe with the drink. This is my emotional stance; intellectually, I know I'm killing myself and I wish I could transition to a life in which I had no desire for or reliance upon alcohol at all. I just fear it's too late, I'm psychologically hooked and a life without it is too awful to bear
sobriety, those crummy three days I managed recently, left me so up and down and by the fourth day, emotionally broken, more so than when I drink. I feel like a lost cause
The weird thing is, I know I have a problem, I drink far too much, I'm out of control, I cannot moderate. But I feel more emotionally stable now than I did during those four days of abstinence. Then, I felt so cripplingly depressed, I just lay in bed and sobbed. I haven't been that bad for quite some time. I felt so empty, barren, terrified, raw. But now I'm back drinking again, yes I feel tired and vacant as always, but I feel so much more comfortable, stable.
I feel so ashamed to admit this. My mind is so screwed up. I've been told by professionals that I'll die if I don't stop drinking, yet I can't fight my way out of this. I just cannot seem to live without drink. I can't handle the awful emotions when I abstain for more than a couple of days. I miss the respite alcohol provides, the comfort, the warmth, the dulling of tension and fading of negative emotions, the switching off of intense, negative, confusing thoughts which rush round my head day in, day out. I just don't know what to do. I know it's only me who can change this. I may not be physically addicted just yet, but psychologically I feel 100% locked and bolted in with all keys thrown to the bottom of the sea. I feel more comfortable and safe with the drink. This is my emotional stance; intellectually, I know I'm killing myself and I wish I could transition to a life in which I had no desire for or reliance upon alcohol at all. I just fear it's too late, I'm psychologically hooked and a life without it is too awful to bear
sobriety, those crummy three days I managed recently, left me so up and down and by the fourth day, emotionally broken, more so than when I drink. I feel like a lost cause 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
Welcome, Amber.
You need to see your doctor and be totally honest. There are medications that can help you through the worst of it. But also understand that the depression and anxiety may be temporary and if you stay sober, you'll get past it.
If it doesn't abate, well, then it's possible you've been self-medicating with alcohol and there are better options than wine. Your life will be so much better when you make it through to the other side!
You need to see your doctor and be totally honest. There are medications that can help you through the worst of it. But also understand that the depression and anxiety may be temporary and if you stay sober, you'll get past it.
If it doesn't abate, well, then it's possible you've been self-medicating with alcohol and there are better options than wine. Your life will be so much better when you make it through to the other side!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
It's not too late. The alcohol really did screw up my thinking and now that I'm out of it, I feel like I was out of my mind then.
Just stopping drinking all by itself never worked for me; I always ended up caving when I couldn't stand how I was feeling anymore. When I realized I couldn't do this by myself, I reached out for help and found a recovery program. It helped me to change my thinking and the way I look at life, so that I no longer feel the desire or the need to drink. There's all kinds of things people can do to get sober, but having support and making some changes are both pretty important.
Having a recovery plan will help as well as accepting that you're not going to feel very good at first. If you can put some work into your sobriety and ride out the first while, you will eventually start to feel better.
I had days where all I could do was cry, I missed it so much, but now I'm so relieved I'm out of that hell and not a slave anymore.
Just stopping drinking all by itself never worked for me; I always ended up caving when I couldn't stand how I was feeling anymore. When I realized I couldn't do this by myself, I reached out for help and found a recovery program. It helped me to change my thinking and the way I look at life, so that I no longer feel the desire or the need to drink. There's all kinds of things people can do to get sober, but having support and making some changes are both pretty important.
Having a recovery plan will help as well as accepting that you're not going to feel very good at first. If you can put some work into your sobriety and ride out the first while, you will eventually start to feel better.
I had days where all I could do was cry, I missed it so much, but now I'm so relieved I'm out of that hell and not a slave anymore.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi Amber, thanks for t he post and glad you'r here.
You've described withdrawal symptoms likely which can indeed be an indication of the physical addiction.
I had to garner enough sober time for my brain to partially clear and start to make sense of where I was. It seemed impossible, but in reality it's just our perception. In short order the thought of actually drinking again turned my stomach.
Please consider getting whatever help you need, Will power alone did very little for me - I needed outside support. We don't have to do this alone.
Give yourself the best gift you'll every receive this Christmas - you deserve it!
You've described withdrawal symptoms likely which can indeed be an indication of the physical addiction.
I had to garner enough sober time for my brain to partially clear and start to make sense of where I was. It seemed impossible, but in reality it's just our perception. In short order the thought of actually drinking again turned my stomach.
Please consider getting whatever help you need, Will power alone did very little for me - I needed outside support. We don't have to do this alone.
Give yourself the best gift you'll every receive this Christmas - you deserve it!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by amber1988 
I feel more emotionally stable now than I did during those four days of abstinence. Then, I felt so cripplingly depressed, I just lay in bed and sobbed. I haven't been that bad for quite some time. I felt so empty, barren, terrified, raw. But now I'm back drinking again, yes I feel tired and vacant as always, but I feel so much more comfortable, stable.
It's no surprise you feel better drinking. It's our default state. Drunk. But you absolutely can get sober if you want to. And I hope you do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I could have written this:
I had to take drinking off the table. I was miserable - absolutely raw and emotional for at least two weeks. Then - something happened.
I started to heal. My nervous system, which had been medicated for so many years had gone completely the opposite direction trying to find balance after withdrawal. All the emotions were magnified and not in a good way. But with continued abstinence, that all changes.
Get through the discomfort. Man up and suffer through the healing. Your other choice is die, it sounds like. Withdrawal and early sobriety are extremely uncomfortable, but it won't hurt you and you'll come out healthy. I agree - make it easier on yourself by talking to a doctor for medical help through the initial withdrawal/detox.
Hang on to sober. It takes months, not days, but the acute discomfort is pretty short-lived, just do it. It's the price that must be paid for having taken in so much alcohol.
The weird thing is, I know I have a problem, I drink far too much, I'm out of control, I cannot moderate. But I feel more emotionally stable now than I did during those four days of abstinence. Then, I felt so cripplingly depressed, I just lay in bed and sobbed. I haven't been that bad for quite some time. I felt so empty, barren, terrified, raw. But now I'm back drinking again, yes I feel tired and vacant as always, but I feel so much more comfortable, stable.
I started to heal. My nervous system, which had been medicated for so many years had gone completely the opposite direction trying to find balance after withdrawal. All the emotions were magnified and not in a good way. But with continued abstinence, that all changes.
Get through the discomfort. Man up and suffer through the healing. Your other choice is die, it sounds like. Withdrawal and early sobriety are extremely uncomfortable, but it won't hurt you and you'll come out healthy. I agree - make it easier on yourself by talking to a doctor for medical help through the initial withdrawal/detox.
Hang on to sober. It takes months, not days, but the acute discomfort is pretty short-lived, just do it. It's the price that must be paid for having taken in so much alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
A friend of mine who has been sober since 2013 told me he didn't trust anyone who succeeded at getting sober the first time. Like learning to ride a bike. You fell off. Try again. I did. So did many others. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi Amber, I know how you feel. My crutch was wine also (hence the sreen name). But everyone on here is right; It does get better. Let your Dr. help you through the initial period of you need to, it sounds as though he/she knows the severity of your drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Hey Amber, You didn't get the disease of addiction in four days so don't get down on yourself for struggling. All the negative self talk you are having is your addicted mind trying to bring you down so you will use. Part of you will always want to and will play all kind of mind games with you to break you down, or make deals, like 2 bottles a week. There are other ways to live and YOU CAN DO IT. Get help. Here, a meeting, a therapist, or even faith but you should not try to do it alone. Sending you love.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
There's some really great advice here Amber 
I was an all day everydrinker - it wasn;lt easy to get sober but it was possible.
Get and much support as you can, and don't be afraid to make changes in your life to support your desire to change
Have you checked out the Class of December support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-2-a-16.html
D
I was an all day everydrinker - it wasn;lt easy to get sober but it was possible.
Get and much support as you can, and don't be afraid to make changes in your life to support your desire to change
Have you checked out the Class of December support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-2-a-16.html
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
I could've written this thread.......alcohol is the devil.....it lures us in to the glorious moments of fake pleasure. The warmth & tension relief u desribe isn't real.....u just think it is.
I had my last drink Oct 17th, i have shite days & great days & just normal days. Just think about how crappy u feel after booze & ur mood is only lifted because u began drinking again. U need to give it more than 4 days, it took about 5 weeks for me to start to feel better properly & im also taking a low dose of floaxatine. U just have to accept that u just cant drink, ever. Id love to be able to sit down on xmas day & share a bottle of wine with my partner & have a few g&t's once the kids r in bed, but i knkw i wont stop at just a few, ill drink until i pass out & **** off my partner because i ruined our nite by going to bed at 8pm!!!
U can do this!!!
I had my last drink Oct 17th, i have shite days & great days & just normal days. Just think about how crappy u feel after booze & ur mood is only lifted because u began drinking again. U need to give it more than 4 days, it took about 5 weeks for me to start to feel better properly & im also taking a low dose of floaxatine. U just have to accept that u just cant drink, ever. Id love to be able to sit down on xmas day & share a bottle of wine with my partner & have a few g&t's once the kids r in bed, but i knkw i wont stop at just a few, ill drink until i pass out & **** off my partner because i ruined our nite by going to bed at 8pm!!!
U can do this!!!
D♭7♭9♯9♯11♭13
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by AAPJ
A friend of mine who has been sober since 2013 told me he didn't trust anyone who succeeded at getting sober the first time. Like learning to ride a bike. You fell off. Try again. I did. So did many others. Good luck.
D♭7♭9♯9♯11♭13
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by AAPJ
A friend of mine who has been sober since 2013 told me he didn't trust anyone who succeeded at getting sober the first time. Like learning to ride a bike. You fell off. Try again. I did. So did many others. Good luck.
Last edited by dcg; 12-23-2015 at 07:55 PM. Reason: dup
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
It took me many tries to get sober and I'm only at day 11 going into day 12 now after a relapse and major binge. The first time I did it without seeing my doctor. Then I fell down hard. I tried doing it on my own the second time and I just couldn't. The anxiety and depression were too much. I saw my doctor and he helped me greatly. I would highly suggest doing the same. I feared my doctor would judge me or give me some kind of lecture about my drinking but he was completely understanding and supportive far beyond what I could have imagined. After my last relapse, I contacted him and he gave me some additional resources. It takes time to get the chemistry back to normal in your brain. After my second relapse was the hardest time for me. It took about a week before things started to get remotely normal again. It's been a little easier this time but that's probably due to the fact I stopped myself before it got completely out of control again. It's hard in the beginning but, once it starts to get better, it will hit you like a ton of bricks how much better life can be. Dust yourself off, get back up, be ready for a fight, come up with a plan using the links above and see your doctor for added support. I know you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 257
Do whatever it takes.
I have just had 2 bottles of wine. I will wake up in the middle of the night sweating, feelings of severe anxiety, I will get up early with a muddled mind, and problem solving will be beyond me all day.(as usual)
My life is Crap.
I've worked hard, I'm well off but can't enjoy.
From a loser,,, I'd love company, but don't!,,,,,,,,do whatever it takes, GET OUT
I have just had 2 bottles of wine. I will wake up in the middle of the night sweating, feelings of severe anxiety, I will get up early with a muddled mind, and problem solving will be beyond me all day.(as usual)
My life is Crap.
I've worked hard, I'm well off but can't enjoy.
From a loser,,, I'd love company, but don't!,,,,,,,,do whatever it takes, GET OUT
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