hpdw

I just don't know why I done this but I picked up a drink on Monday and now i'm beat . Just bought 4 x 500ml cans of beer in the hope that this will taper me off today . As you know and I know its not always the case .

My wonderful wife and son are walking about silent . I do understand their disappointment in me but i'd get through this better if they'd try to be normal even if they don't mean it kind of thing .

I,m not blaming any single thing on this slip but why why why do I need it the next day and next then the bloody next , I hate this .

Im writing this after a can of beer , got the 5 minute glow and that's what it is 5 -10 short minutes of relief , I hate this .

I havet posted in a while been so busy , started getting a bit down after the clocks went back here in UK but that's no excuse either .

Washed the car yesterday , scooped and brushed a load of leaves at the drive but that was with a good few vodkas in me , ohh how I try to pretend all is well .

Thanks for everything .

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan

Meraviglioso

YOu can stop now. Dump the rest. What you need now is a big sign of force and strength in the face of your AV. Do something that you can be proud of and something your wife and son will be proud of. You can do this but you have to put in the effort.

hpdw

Soberwolf my plan is to get back to work tomorrow night , that's about it .

Should I pour the other 3 cans down the sink ? the things are just annoying me

Thanks

zombob

I've tapered before. It took planning, measured doses and a firm quit date. That was before. My last binge was not taperable. I went for 3.5 days of librium/b1 detox (bare minimum to keep the bills down)and it gave me the head-start I needed. Whatever it takes MNM. As you already know, this side of the fence the grass Is greener and it is only as far away as your last drink. Hope to see you here soon.

hpdw

Of course I should but I'm an alcoholic .

For brand new people here I want you to try and see the insanity that follows that first drink . OK not trying to scare you honest . I bought 4 measly stupit 500ml beers , I mean what good does that do ? It just torments you , you know its there , your rattling your beat before the starting whistle of course i,m not putting it down the sink ? that's the alcoholic way of thinking .
Can I find a better easier softer way to get through this ? TV is a no go it annoys me . I know !!! Im going to go for a walk ? dam legs are so weak though or is it just a kick up the arse i need . YES you guessed it ive pulled the second tin , see im not even trying to lie to you because I know you know the score .

Dee74

You know what the right thing to do is - using the 'but I'm an alcoholic' excuse just doesn't cut it Maelstrom - not among other alcoholics..

Maybe they're really sad Maelstrom - why should they pretend everything's ok when it's not?

You have the power to end this - now.
The sooner you nip this in the bud the less wreckage you'll have to clean up later.

If you want change - and I believe you do or you wouldn't have posted - then make change man....

D

ccam1973

Malestrom you've got to decide what you want. We've all been where you are at right now. Quitting isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. But you've got to want this more than you've wanted anything else in your life. I know that's the point I had to get before I was able to truly commit to sobriety. Before doing that, I would tell myself I was trying, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was a lie and that one day I would drink again.

This is a terrible disease and you are not alone in this journey. Bottom line, you've got to stop the excuses and negotiating with your AV. Think about all of the things you want to get out of your life. I bet drinking isn't anywhere on the list. To make those things happen, you've got to show your strength and completely commit to staying sober. There is no middle ground. Make a plan, commit to the plan and choose to get your life back.

Lean on us as much as you need. Remember, you are stronger than your excuses. We are in your court.

GhostFace

I know it's hard, I would never dispose of alcohol even if it meant to better myself. I know my problem would be taking that first drink that why it,s not even a thought nomore.

You definately need a plan. I like to stay busy, keep a to do list, go to the gym and post here for support. When I was drinking, I had alot of idle time, even if I didn't I would put important tasks to the side just so I could drink my sorrows away. Now that I'm sober, I'm tackling all my problems head on. It's hard to get out your comfort zone but the rewards is so worth it.

Hope that helps.

Soberwolf

Of course pour them away now pls !!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

zombob

I did pour a beer out-last night as a matter of fact. Wife asked me to get rid of it so I did for her (it stunk). Have I ever poured out alcohol that I bought while still drinking (truth is, yes, once, over half of a half-gallon of Jim Beam back in '09)? Totally kicked myself the next day for wasting $17 and having to drink cheap beer. My point is this: pour it out or not--find your Want-To! (call it a hunch but I don't think you will while you have 2 more to polish off). Your give-a-duck is somewhere that only you know where. Find it and come back with a sober " I'm doing this" post. Best wishes.

OpenTuning

Hi MnM,

Are you under Doctor's orders to taper your drinking instead of stopping outright? I haven't read all your previous posts, but it sounds like you stopped for at least a month recently without medical intervention?

In other words, I could be wrong, and apologies if I am, but it sounds like your AV talking to say you bought those beers to taper off, rather than just to get drunk again. We all know how once we've got the buzz going, stopping is so much harder, and more than likely we head out to get more booze to keep it going.

Also your wife and kids have every right to be disappointed and silent. Please don't add their unhappiness at your actions to reasons why you're struggling to stop. Again, sounds like more AV talking.

I would urge you to pour those remaining beers (if there are any) down the sink. Try and sober up for the rest of today, and once you are, sit down and try and figure out what went wrong with your last plan, and try and come up with a new one.

doggonecarl

If you don't know why, then you need to read up on alcoholism. The Big Book of AA is available online. It's a pretty good primer...on the affliction and the solution.

FreeOwl

Either do it or don't..... stop half-arzing it.

May you pour that beer down the drain, get started on a plan, get yourself some support and start ACTIVELY embracing sobriety.

Dee74

How are you going Maelstrom?

D

Anna

Maelstrom, I hope you poured out the beer and got some rest. I think if you take a step back and recognize that you do have control in this situation. Yes, you're an alcoholic, but you can choose to not drink. Of course, it isn't easy, and that's why we're here. Don't allow yourself to feel helpless.

On The Road

MnM. I hope you dumped the booze. The way to break to cycle is to do EVERYTHING in your power to stop drinking. You have to go all-in with a plan that details all of the behaviors you need to change to stay sober. It's an active process. You can do it.

Hevyn

I'm sorry for the pain you're in, Maelstrom. I went through this so many times. Fell back into my old habits & didn't even know why. It wasn't bringing me anything but misery in the end - no fun or enjoyment. Maybe you're ready to stop and begin to heal - for good this time. Start over with a new determination - you can do it.

Soberwolf

Check in maelstrom

hpdw

Thank you all so much for your replies and honesty and D for giving me it straight . I did not dispose of the last 3 beers but did spread them out . I have diazepam amd vit b and other nutrients . I went to bed at 5pm and got back up at 10am and to say it was the worst night I have ever spent is an under statement , the dry heaving and shakes and more .

Nearly noon here now , had a bath and shave and 10mg dizazepam . Slowly beginning to lift but the depression is bad . Aint ate yet but starting to feel hungry for rich carb like food .

I know ive been a fool and will have to start again but cant afford to beat myself up over it .

The 4 day binge this time was much worse than before , it seems like that anyway . Even stole the last of my wifes vodka she uses socially now and then with visitors . she found the bottle which was about half full when she left it but I was so stupid I left her the empty bottle . Replacing it isnt the issue , it was hers and I took it ,shameful .

Im going to my work tonight at 7 pm and hoping to pick up my mood and physical pain , no point in taking a shift off and feeling sorry for myself .

Thank you all once again .

Bless