The rollercoaster: a glimmer of hope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Kent, WA
Posts: 29
The rollercoaster: a glimmer of hope
Yesterday was tough. I texted my AH to let him know I was going to a meeting after work and I would be late (still hadn't spoken to me). He texted back and said "I wish you'd come home and talk to me." I still went to the meeting! I knew he was trying to manipulate me and I knew when we finally talked, I would need the support of going to a recent meeting.
When I finally got home, I stuck to my guns. He kept saying that he feels like I don't care, and I don't love him, and maybe he should leave and just live on the streets. I kept saying I care, and that's why I will no longer be enabling. I reminded him that out codependency wasn't doing either of us any good, and I'm going to these meetings to help myself. I also said he deserves to be happy, but he needs help. And I can't help him in the way he needs.
After a couple hours of the same conversation, he finally broke down, cried, and said he would like to talk to someone. This is a HUGE baby step! He still hasn't come to terms with the fact that his drinking is a problem and will have to stop for him to be healthy, but at least he is admitting he needs help for his depression. I'm working to help him find a counselor this morning, and he is promising he will go to any appointment I make for him. (I will believe it when I see it...) but this is a step in the right direction. I questioned whether my making the appointment for him is healthy, but I think I have to. He is in such a dark place, I don't believe he is capable of doing that. I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing here, if he is getting help. I hope he goes.
When I finally got home, I stuck to my guns. He kept saying that he feels like I don't care, and I don't love him, and maybe he should leave and just live on the streets. I kept saying I care, and that's why I will no longer be enabling. I reminded him that out codependency wasn't doing either of us any good, and I'm going to these meetings to help myself. I also said he deserves to be happy, but he needs help. And I can't help him in the way he needs.
After a couple hours of the same conversation, he finally broke down, cried, and said he would like to talk to someone. This is a HUGE baby step! He still hasn't come to terms with the fact that his drinking is a problem and will have to stop for him to be healthy, but at least he is admitting he needs help for his depression. I'm working to help him find a counselor this morning, and he is promising he will go to any appointment I make for him. (I will believe it when I see it...) but this is a step in the right direction. I questioned whether my making the appointment for him is healthy, but I think I have to. He is in such a dark place, I don't believe he is capable of doing that. I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing here, if he is getting help. I hope he goes.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
It is ok to make him an appointment. Just don't nag about or question him about it whether he goes or not.
Depression is an awful illness. Sometimes we can't do for ourselves when it gets really bad. I am a recovering alcoholic and I suffer from depression.
Depression is an awful illness. Sometimes we can't do for ourselves when it gets really bad. I am a recovering alcoholic and I suffer from depression.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Kent, WA
Posts: 29
Thanks. I'm having a hard time deciphering between what is helping and what is enabling. I don't want to shut him out completely, and I want to be supportive if he truly wants help. But I don't want to nag; good point!
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