asdf72

Hi all, so yesterday i had my first chance to turn down a glass of wine at lunch with a girlfriend and i did it no problem. I didn't feel i needed it or missed it. BUT i did see the look in her eye that said "you're no fun now". I told her to have one, i didn't mind, and she said "that's no fun".
Then last night i watched the movie "Smashed" which was good but depressing. I guess for those of us you have drunk to varying degrees for many years, we tend to have a lot of relationships bonded through alcohol, chatting till the early morning over wine or sharing chaotic nights. I have a hard time thinking about that because many are really good friends. Hoping that the friendships can evolve but i am feeling apprehensive. I guess that is also my AV tempting me, saying we had so much fun together. I just have to remember how that ended up and why i am here.
Thanks for listening.

entropy1964

Great job Asdf. I can only suggest to try not to 'own' other people's responses. You're the only person you can, and should, control.

thomas11

I have said before that becoming sober can be a selfish, but necessary endeavor. People who have been the life of the party their whole lives, when sober, are a changed person and others feel "let down". Too bad. We need to retain the sanity we have left and enjoy the rest of our lives. That is just my personal opinion.

doggonecarl

Don't spend too much mental energy "mourning" the loss of alcohol or romancing it's wonderful attributes. That is just going to feed your addiction. You are seeking sobriety for a reason. Don't forget that. There are a lot of changes that need to be made to support that decision.

Maybe it's time to tell your friends you've decided to quit drinking...for good. If that decision leaves your friends behind, so be it. It probably means they weren't really your friends.

keeppushing

I disagree Thomas. Looking after our needs is never selfish. Those who are disappointed in us because we will not allow them to trample over our needs are the selfish ones.

We are not selfish. We are standing up for ourselves and drawing boundaries.

Errr...Thomas that was a discussion, no offence meant.

KP

LBrain

couldn't agree more...

as for the friend who says we are not fun, or that drinking by themselves is 'not fun'... I'm way more funner now that I don't drink. I no longer need to be a fool among fools to have a good time. er, drunk among drunks...

If having a glass of wine while I watch is not fun, then don't drink the wine.

saoutchik

Congratulations on not having that glass of wine asdf.

Most people can be I bit upset if you are not drinking while they want to have one. Equally I don't suppose he or she was deeply offended either. Fairly quickly people get used to you being a non drinker and leave it at that.

Often the only people that do have an issue are those people that have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol themselves

ccam1973

Great job on making it through the temptation ASDF. Your actions made you stronger for when the next temptation arises.

AS far as anyone being unaccepting of our decision not to drink... maybe it's just my age, but I finally quit caring what others think when it comes to my drinking. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but mine is the only one that matters concerning my well being.

A bit selfish, absolutely... a bit of standing up for ourselves and setting boundaries, definitely. How ever you wan to look at it, it is your today, your life, and you need to be happy tomorrow with the decisions you are making right now.

Well done.

thomas11

I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. I think you have convinced me that your perspective is the more correct one.

BlissWithin

I watched Smashed twice, I didnt find it depressing at all, its more like a romantic comedy that has alcoholism in it. Leaving Las Vegas is my favorite though.

Soberwolf

You done good bro

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well. It's a common situation for those of us stopping drinking - how to deal with friends/family who knew us as drinkers. For me, I did have to step away from a few people in my life who I knew were toxic to me. The interesting thing is, I very soon met some new people and a couple of them became very close friends. It was as if my life opened up to new and more.