It's called a breakup because it's broken
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Location: Norway
Posts: 194
It's called a breakup because it's broken
A few years ago I went through this horrible breakup. I read all kinds of self-help books, and I really turned my life around. Today, it hit me how much sobriety is like a breakup. The same coping skills apply.
1. No contact for at least 90 days. No calling, no texting, no going to the liquor store or the grocery store with the huge selection of craft beers. Avoiding the romantic restaurants and the pubs where all my drinking buddies go.
2. Purge your home. No pictures, no liquor stash, no mementos (gifts or favourite glasses and bottle openers). Put them in a box and let a friend hang on to them. Rearrange the furniture, find new shows and movies to watch. Love seat? Gone. My favourite pillow to drunkenly cry into? In the garbage.
3. Make a list of all his bad traits. Selfish, never listened, grumpy, gave me a hangover, never let me go anywhere, took control of my phone and Facebook, never let me see friends or family, spent all my money.
4. Get a breakup buddy. When the need to call or text the ex arises, contact a friend who knows what you’re dealing with instead.
5. Start putting yourself out there again. This particular relationship didn’t work, but there must be other options? Hobbies, meetups, taking classes, volunteering or sports. Who knows what will trigger your fancy.
6. Enjoy your freedom. You can do what you want, when you want to. No-one to say “I don’t enjoy that” or “You’re too drunk to drive”.
7. No replacement therapy. Limit the amount of ice-cream, don’t do drugs, try not to get cross-addicted. Shopping, gambling, casual sex or overeating won’t do you much good in the long run.
8. Decide to be better. Get fit, go through your wardrobe, be healthy. When you run into the ex (and you probably will) you want to be strong and show him how much happier and better off you are without him.
…and most importantly: Never forget it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. It just wasn’t working out. It's not you, it's them, because:
1. No contact for at least 90 days. No calling, no texting, no going to the liquor store or the grocery store with the huge selection of craft beers. Avoiding the romantic restaurants and the pubs where all my drinking buddies go.
2. Purge your home. No pictures, no liquor stash, no mementos (gifts or favourite glasses and bottle openers). Put them in a box and let a friend hang on to them. Rearrange the furniture, find new shows and movies to watch. Love seat? Gone. My favourite pillow to drunkenly cry into? In the garbage.
3. Make a list of all his bad traits. Selfish, never listened, grumpy, gave me a hangover, never let me go anywhere, took control of my phone and Facebook, never let me see friends or family, spent all my money.
4. Get a breakup buddy. When the need to call or text the ex arises, contact a friend who knows what you’re dealing with instead.
5. Start putting yourself out there again. This particular relationship didn’t work, but there must be other options? Hobbies, meetups, taking classes, volunteering or sports. Who knows what will trigger your fancy.
6. Enjoy your freedom. You can do what you want, when you want to. No-one to say “I don’t enjoy that” or “You’re too drunk to drive”.
7. No replacement therapy. Limit the amount of ice-cream, don’t do drugs, try not to get cross-addicted. Shopping, gambling, casual sex or overeating won’t do you much good in the long run.
8. Decide to be better. Get fit, go through your wardrobe, be healthy. When you run into the ex (and you probably will) you want to be strong and show him how much happier and better off you are without him.
…and most importantly: Never forget it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. It just wasn’t working out. It's not you, it's them, because:
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
I know it's over
Originally Posted by StellaPolaris 
A few years ago I went through this horrible breakup. I read all kinds of self-help books, and I really turned my life around. Today, it hit me how much sobriety is like a breakup. The same coping skills apply.
1. No contact for at least 90 days. No calling, no texting, no going to the liquor store or the grocery store with the huge selection of craft beers. Avoiding the romantic restaurants and the pubs where all my drinking buddies go.
2. Purge your home. No pictures, no liquor stash, no mementos (gifts or favourite glasses and bottle openers). Put them in a box and let a friend hang on to them. Rearrange the furniture, find new shows and movies to watch. Love seat? Gone. My favourite pillow to drunkenly cry into? In the garbage.
3. Make a list of all his bad traits. Selfish, never listened, grumpy, gave me a hangover, never let me go anywhere, took control of my phone and Facebook, never let me see friends or family, spent all my money.
4. Get a breakup buddy. When the need to call or text the ex arises, contact a friend who knows what you’re dealing with instead.
5. Start putting yourself out there again. This particular relationship didn’t work, but there must be other options? Hobbies, meetups, taking classes, volunteering or sports. Who knows what will trigger your fancy.
6. Enjoy your freedom. You can do what you want, when you want to. No-one to say “I don’t enjoy that” or “You’re too drunk to drive”.
7. No replacement therapy. Limit the amount of ice-cream, don’t do drugs, try not to get cross-addicted. Shopping, gambling, casual sex or overeating won’t do you much good in the long run.
8. Decide to be better. Get fit, go through your wardrobe, be healthy. When you run into the ex (and you probably will) you want to be strong and show him how much happier and better off you are without him.
…and most importantly: Never forget it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. It just wasn’t working out. It's not you, it's them, because:
1. No contact for at least 90 days. No calling, no texting, no going to the liquor store or the grocery store with the huge selection of craft beers. Avoiding the romantic restaurants and the pubs where all my drinking buddies go.
2. Purge your home. No pictures, no liquor stash, no mementos (gifts or favourite glasses and bottle openers). Put them in a box and let a friend hang on to them. Rearrange the furniture, find new shows and movies to watch. Love seat? Gone. My favourite pillow to drunkenly cry into? In the garbage.
3. Make a list of all his bad traits. Selfish, never listened, grumpy, gave me a hangover, never let me go anywhere, took control of my phone and Facebook, never let me see friends or family, spent all my money.
4. Get a breakup buddy. When the need to call or text the ex arises, contact a friend who knows what you’re dealing with instead.
5. Start putting yourself out there again. This particular relationship didn’t work, but there must be other options? Hobbies, meetups, taking classes, volunteering or sports. Who knows what will trigger your fancy.
6. Enjoy your freedom. You can do what you want, when you want to. No-one to say “I don’t enjoy that” or “You’re too drunk to drive”.
7. No replacement therapy. Limit the amount of ice-cream, don’t do drugs, try not to get cross-addicted. Shopping, gambling, casual sex or overeating won’t do you much good in the long run.
8. Decide to be better. Get fit, go through your wardrobe, be healthy. When you run into the ex (and you probably will) you want to be strong and show him how much happier and better off you are without him.
…and most importantly: Never forget it’s called a breakup because it’s broken. It just wasn’t working out. It's not you, it's them, because:
the no contact rule is essential after a break up IMO and I can be ruthless with that. Stopping drinking before I have continued to go out, thinking maybe that I would become "fearfull" or "aprehensive" about going out again (if I stopped going out). But so what if I have aprehension.....that can easily be pushed through....again and again....until my sober going out personality is developed into ambient confidence. So yes the 90 days no contact I've already been thinking about......going full Monk Mode...I need to recuperate.......get my strenght back and reasess life......
so alcohol, it's over it's over, it's over
It definately was not working out. we tried, believe me, we tried......oh how much I tried to make this work. But we just are not compatable. Because I want the very best for you.....I release you and let you go. Find somebody else. The Al train has left the station and you, alcohol, are not on board.
"I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me and said:
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know because tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they are in each other's arms"
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
It's over, over, over"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwWHJeLT3q0
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 287
this is a great thread and one that's hitting me directly with whats happening with me.. I am a alcoholic in recovery. I ha ve been sober for almost 90 days. I attend a lot of Aa meetings and am working steps with my sponsor. im really doin g all I can I feel for a full recovery. ive had it with alcohol and all its lies and false sense of security. I also lost the woman that I care for deeply and still love her very much. so what if the relationship ending is pretty much all your fault? how does one begin to get on with that knowledge. expecially when my mind is finally clearing. sorry to ramble on, this post hit me right between the eyes. thank you
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by gonzo51511
this is a great thread and one that's hitting me directly with whats happening with me.. I am a alcoholic in recovery. I ha ve been sober for almost 90 days. I attend a lot of Aa meetings and am working steps with my sponsor. im really doin g all I can I feel for a full recovery. ive had it with alcohol and all its lies and false sense of security. I also lost the woman that I care for deeply and still love her very much. so what if the relationship ending is pretty much all your fault? how does one begin to get on with that knowledge. expecially when my mind is finally clearing. sorry to ramble on, this post hit me right between the eyes. thank you
When it's pretty much all your fault? The only thing you can do is accept it's over, let go of false hope and take responsibility for your mistakes. Analyse your mistakes and take a vow never to fall into the same trap again.
We all make mistakes when it comes to relationships, sober or drunk. But for me everything I do to attract someone and create something with them.....alcohol pretty much repels them and dismantles what we've created.
What about when it's not your "fault"? I still think it's best to take responsibility for the experience and see how your choices led the situation to happen. My last ltr ended because she cheated. For a while I played the victim card. It was a trap. It was only when I said to myself "I was responsible for letting that person into my life, as there were signs" and of course I wasn't really present.......that I was able to let it go.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by gonzo51511
this is a great thread and one that's hitting me directly with whats happening with me.. I am a alcoholic in recovery. I ha ve been sober for almost 90 days. I attend a lot of Aa meetings and am working steps with my sponsor. im really doin g all I can I feel for a full recovery. ive had it with alcohol and all its lies and false sense of security. I also lost the woman that I care for deeply and still love her very much. so what if the relationship ending is pretty much all your fault? how does one begin to get on with that knowledge. expecially when my mind is finally clearing. sorry to ramble on, this post hit me right between the eyes. thank you
When it's pretty much all your fault? The only thing you can do is accept it's over, let go of false hope and take responsibility for your mistakes. Analyse your mistakes and take a vow never to fall into the same trap again.
We all make mistakes when it comes to relationships, sober or drunk. But for me everything I do to attract someone and create something with them.....alcohol pretty much repels them and dismantles what we've created.
What about when it's not your "fault"? I still think it's best to take responsibility for the experience and see how your choices led the situation to happen. My last ltr ended because she cheated. For a while I played the victim card. It was a trap. It was only when I said to myself "I was responsible for letting that person into my life, as there were signs" and of course I wasn't really present.......that I was able to let it go.
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