Tragedy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 35
Tragedy
Hi guys,
I don't think anyone will remember me by now. About a year ago, I was glued to these boards as my only salvation, while a fiancee of mine (I say fiancee. He was married to heroin) wrecked everything around us, although there was such a wonderful person behind the addiction. I put up with far too much because I loved him, but when I ended up in the hospital because of his addiction and his behavior, I knew it had to end.
Fast forward a year, I'm an example of what therapy and time and cutting an addict out of your life can do. Killing it at my job, happy, travelling, great friends, great life - everything to look forward to.
About 3 weeks ago, his mom called me. He overdosed and passed away in a rehab clinic.
I feel little guilt or remorse for leaving. Our situation was untenable. But my heart is so broken because I know he never knew happiness. His mental illness gripped him from early childhood, he was an alcoholic from his early teens and swallowed by opiates and pills and marijuana for the last few years.
Going through his journals and notes, it's so clear that this was a boy in such terrible pain and such deep shame for so very long. I haven't forgotten how he treated me, but I can't imagine living like that. And apparently rehab was going well and he was being tested all the time and coming out clean, and this was a tragic single relapse!
They said he started to have moments of clarity, and moments of better emotional regulation, and months without alcohol or drugs. He could have known happiness. He could have carved out a life and had better friends. Maybe his cravings would hunt him forever, but he could have known much greater happiness. My poor, poor boy lived a painful life full of terrible choices, and died just as they might have been ending.
Addiction's so irredeemably tragic. I'm heartbroken.
I don't think anyone will remember me by now. About a year ago, I was glued to these boards as my only salvation, while a fiancee of mine (I say fiancee. He was married to heroin) wrecked everything around us, although there was such a wonderful person behind the addiction. I put up with far too much because I loved him, but when I ended up in the hospital because of his addiction and his behavior, I knew it had to end.
Fast forward a year, I'm an example of what therapy and time and cutting an addict out of your life can do. Killing it at my job, happy, travelling, great friends, great life - everything to look forward to.
About 3 weeks ago, his mom called me. He overdosed and passed away in a rehab clinic.
I feel little guilt or remorse for leaving. Our situation was untenable. But my heart is so broken because I know he never knew happiness. His mental illness gripped him from early childhood, he was an alcoholic from his early teens and swallowed by opiates and pills and marijuana for the last few years.
Going through his journals and notes, it's so clear that this was a boy in such terrible pain and such deep shame for so very long. I haven't forgotten how he treated me, but I can't imagine living like that. And apparently rehab was going well and he was being tested all the time and coming out clean, and this was a tragic single relapse!
They said he started to have moments of clarity, and moments of better emotional regulation, and months without alcohol or drugs. He could have known happiness. He could have carved out a life and had better friends. Maybe his cravings would hunt him forever, but he could have known much greater happiness. My poor, poor boy lived a painful life full of terrible choices, and died just as they might have been ending.
Addiction's so irredeemably tragic. I'm heartbroken.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am so sorry for your loss 
About a year ago, my X who was an alcoholic who never could get sober committed suicide. It hurts but what brought me some comfort was reaching out to his sister and knowing that he finally found some peace.
The support I got on SR helped a lot too. Hang in there, we are here for you.
About a year ago, my X who was an alcoholic who never could get sober committed suicide. It hurts but what brought me some comfort was reaching out to his sister and knowing that he finally found some peace.
The support I got on SR helped a lot too. Hang in there, we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
You have my deepest sympathies
I said almost the same thing about my first love, when he committed suicide 3 years ago this month. He was a very gifted artist with an enigmatic smile and a twinkle in his eyes. And he could not outrun his inner demons.
Originally Posted by scheherazade 
But my heart is so broken because I know he never knew happiness. His mental illness gripped him from early childhood, he was an alcoholic from his early teens and swallowed by opiates and pills and marijuana for the last few years.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I don't think anyone will remember me by now.
About 3 weeks ago, his mom called me. He overdosed and passed away in a rehab clinic.
Let us know how you're doing as often as you can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
How very, very sad.
How upsetting for you. You knew his kindness , you knew his goodness, he just couldn't shake his demons.
I truly hope he has found the peace that was so elusive to him in his lifetime.
Hugs to you and his family Scheh
How upsetting for you. You knew his kindness , you knew his goodness, he just couldn't shake his demons.
I truly hope he has found the peace that was so elusive to him in his lifetime.
Hugs to you and his family Scheh
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying that you and his family can find peace in the fact that his demons are behind him now. Addiction is such a devastating and life sucking disease. You are NOT to blame for anything and even in the depths of your grief, please do know that there is NOTHING you could have done (except for what you did for YOU).
Hugs,
TT
Hugs,
TT
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so very sorry also, and I am so sorry that he didn't have more clean time to find his balance. I hate addiction and what it does to those we love, and what it does to those left behind.
You and all who loved him will be in my prayers.
Hugs
You and all who loved him will be in my prayers.
Hugs
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