Sotired11

I drink every night. I had a bottle of wine, and a few shots of vodka last night. My husband told me a story about my mother in law making up lies about our 10 year old daughter. I went off the deep end in front of my kids. I used every curse word, and said that I wished that she was dead. I said the most horrible evil things. She has been manipulative, and has lied a lot over the years, but my kids love her. The sad thing is that I don't even remember most of it. My husband told me this morning. He isn't talking to me now, and my kids didn't say two words to me this morning. How am I supposed to explain my behavior to my kids? They have never even heard me swear before. I want to curl up and die. I thought about suicide this morning, but I don't want my kid's last memory of their mother to be a drunken, swearing, angry nightmare.

Ohme

I'm sorry that you went through that and are going through that. I hope you can see it as a sign to quit, and I'm glad that you found SR because this site is a wealth of support and information. I hope you let today be your day 1.

BlueFairy

I did similar things and it wasn't uncommon for me to drink a bottle of wine then have some vodka also. I also would forget stuff. You came here though, maybe you can get out of it's hold before you hit rock bottom. For me this sort of thing was a common occurrence but my kids were grown before I started drinking--I didn't like my son witnessing arguments with my husband like that even grown though.

firstymer

Welcome to SR, Sotired11. I am glad you are here with us. You will find a lot of support and helpful advice from the good people here. I know I have.

Almost all of us have been right where you are today - hopeless, ashamed, sick.

You know, I think, that your problem is alcohol. And your problem will not be solved until you stop using alcohol. Completely. So what you need to do is formulate a plan to stop. That must be your first and only priority. There are a lot of great resources here to help you formulate the best plan for you.

Know this though: You never have to feel this way again. And, if you formulate and diligently follow a plan for getting and staying sober, then, over time, people's memories of your drunken behavior will fade. And your family will come back to you. I know. Because I have been where you are. And if I can do it, you can do it.

Good luck. And welcome.

hopeful4

I am so glad you are here. You are human, we all make mistakes. I would say to sit your husband and your children down and be honest with them. That you said awful things that you are not proud of, that was wrong. That you feel terrible about saying them, and ask of their forgiveness. It will make you feel better, and them too. I am sure they love you so much, and need you.

Secondly, if you have an alcohol issue, what is your plan in the future to do about it? This behavior will continue if you don't get a handle on it and take action to change it. You don't have to answer me of course, it's just food for thought for yourself.

I am sure you want to be the best mom and wife you can be! To do that, you have to put yourself first, in that you get yourself the help and self care you need. Put the mask on yourself so to speak, as they say on an airplane. You cannot help anyone else until you take care of yourself.

Please know you are wanted. You have the choice to let this incident be the trigger that changed your future in a positive way.

Sending lots of hugs!

sg1970

Hi Sotired,

It doesn't have to be like this! Today can be the first day for change. I was in your shoes a little over a year ago and life is completely different now. Hang in there.

Sotired11

Thanks everyone. I know that I need help, but don't really know where to start. I have social anxiety, so the thought of AA is scary. I'm going to spend the afternoon navigating this site, to try to find other ways to get help (maybe online meetings).

FreeOwl

If it were me, I'd sit my kids down and be honest.

"I'm sorry for the behavior you saw. It wasn't right of me to say the things I did or act the way I did. It's OK to feel angry, but it's not OK to express it the way that I did. I imagine it was probably scary and confusing for you, and I don't want to be that kind of a parent to you. A big part of the reason I reacted that way was because of the fact that I had been drinking. I don't want to be the person that I become when I'm drinking, so I'm going to stop drinking and work on being the person that I want to be - for myself and for you."

BAM.

Own it. Address it. Be Honest about it. Take action to change it.

It's really pretty simple. Even though it's incredibly hard.

SusanE

Please don't hate yourself. Your MIL made up lies about your little girl? How wrong is that? Your reaction may have been over the top but maybe you could gently explain to your children that when people drink too much they don't make the best choices, especially when they are angry.

48heath

Welcome to SR Sotired.

Sorry you are struggling.If drink is causing you problems,staying sober is the answer.

Please don't let social anxiety keep you away from AA,the people there will understand like nobody else in the World how you are feeling.You can call your local helpline number and speak to someone about your worries.

Wishing you well.

Anna

Sotired, I'm sorry for what happened. It's probably a good idea to apologize to your family, and then proceed to show them with your actions that you are changing and they won't see that side of you again.

Many of us here do not use AA, so don't let that slow you down. Take a look around and you will find lots of different ways to get sober and lots of support.

Gonnachange

Having nothing to do with alcohol necessarily, my policy with my kids has been that when I've made a mistake I 'fess up and own it. To let it go unaddressed just adds tension in the household; it happened, explain it as you deem appropriate to your 10 year old, and move on. As FreeOwl wrote, simple yet not easy.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Sotired!!

Sounds like it's time to finally draw a line under your drinking, alcohol is doing you now favours, either for yourself or your family.

You can turn this around, write a new chapter to your life, a happier one for both you and your family!!

You can do this!!

Rar

Welcome to SR Sotired. This is a great forum with wise, understanding folks. Please come here often to read and post. It will give you strength to remail alcohol free.