Hello. It's time to start.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1
Hello. It's time to start.
Hello all. This is it. This is my start. I have been married to a HFA for six years, although we have been together for 10. I have finally reached that point where I need help.
I realize I am part of the problem, because she told me before we started dating seriously that she was an alcoholic. We worked together before we dated and I never saw her drunk or what I would term incapable of doing her job. I doubted that she actually was.
When we started dating, we had both been laid off from the same company. She took two years off to go back to school and got an Associates degree in Business Management. I worked for a mortgage company. In January of 2006, we started a home cleaning business and still own it.
After we were living together, I noticed just how much she was drinking. She tried to hide it for a while, but my silence probably emboldened her. Honestly, she was doing everything that needed to be done and well.
But there were moments. She would blurt out the craziest stuff out of the blue. She would say mean, nasty stuff. Stuff that wasn't true. I never understood that one.
Every so often, we would discuss her drinking. She would say "I am a HFA. That means I can do anything better drunk than the rest of the world can sober." It's not a problem in her opinion. She has absolutely no intention of getting help.
Last week she made another hurtful and mean comment and I guess I had enough. I am not sure where to go from here, but I figured this was a good place to start.
I realize I am part of the problem, because she told me before we started dating seriously that she was an alcoholic. We worked together before we dated and I never saw her drunk or what I would term incapable of doing her job. I doubted that she actually was.
When we started dating, we had both been laid off from the same company. She took two years off to go back to school and got an Associates degree in Business Management. I worked for a mortgage company. In January of 2006, we started a home cleaning business and still own it.
After we were living together, I noticed just how much she was drinking. She tried to hide it for a while, but my silence probably emboldened her. Honestly, she was doing everything that needed to be done and well.
But there were moments. She would blurt out the craziest stuff out of the blue. She would say mean, nasty stuff. Stuff that wasn't true. I never understood that one.
Every so often, we would discuss her drinking. She would say "I am a HFA. That means I can do anything better drunk than the rest of the world can sober." It's not a problem in her opinion. She has absolutely no intention of getting help.
Last week she made another hurtful and mean comment and I guess I had enough. I am not sure where to go from here, but I figured this was a good place to start.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 53
Hi, as someone who has been in a long term relationship as an alcoholic with a sober other half. Perhaps I can give advice from the other side of the coin. My girlfriend has told me that she worries about my drinking, I can honestly say that as at that time I didn't want to quit, all it did was irritate me. It was a barrier between me and alcohol. She was right of course, but there was no combination of words that would have made me stop. It has to come from the individual and there's no telling if that will ever happen. You have to decide whether you can live with her as an alcoholic, as it sounds likely that won't be changing any time soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
In my experience "Highly Functioning" is not a type of alcoholism, it's a stage of alcoholism, that sooner or later will progress, the ol' line of having no consequences is a myth, for example look at what it's doing to your marriage?
The important thing is to get support for yourself, Al-anon is a great place for face to face meetings, we also have a Friends and Family section here on SR.
It's difficult because looking in on someone else's drinking can be very a lonely and frustrating experience, because no one can change another person except themselves.
You'll find loads of support here to help!!
In my experience "Highly Functioning" is not a type of alcoholism, it's a stage of alcoholism, that sooner or later will progress, the ol' line of having no consequences is a myth, for example look at what it's doing to your marriage?
The important thing is to get support for yourself, Al-anon is a great place for face to face meetings, we also have a Friends and Family section here on SR.
It's difficult because looking in on someone else's drinking can be very a lonely and frustrating experience, because no one can change another person except themselves.
You'll find loads of support here to help!!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by afraid4her 
Every so often, we would discuss her drinking. She would say "I am a HFA. That means I can do anything better drunk than the rest of the world can sober."
I went through a similar period of delusion. Thinking my drinking wasn't having the negative impacts that it was. The only way I was able to snap out of it was to be shown conclusively that it was not true.
I wish you well.
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