FacingFuture

Hi everyone. Seeking wisdom from some of the old timers here...

Did you come close to losing your family, friends, job, etc? If so, what's your story and how did you right the ship?

I feel like I'm getting close to losing a lot if I don't stop drinking,mane am looking for advice from some of you that hav b even through this.

thanks!

dru1085

I'm not an old timer , only 10 days sober..

I lost 2 really nice girlfriends, a couple family members, and a couple friends that stopped calling me because I was drunk all the time. I lost my job that I loved...

I quit drinking because I want all that back and I will. Just have to want all the important things in your life more than alchohol. So far so good... Im 29 and still have a long sober life to live. So many months wasted ugh..

Hope things turn out well for ya mate.

Dru -

esinger

Yes, and don't really want to get into it. Clearing your head and taking on your problems now will make your future much brighter. Or keep drinking your problems away and find out the hard way like I did. Getting out before you lose everything is much easier than struggling to get back what you pissed away. You'll feel much healthier too.
Not really an old timer and not that wise but have a few years in.

LBrain

I lost a lot over the years. Relationships, friends, you name it - not to mention the financial losses.
The day I lost my job was it for me. 20 months ago. Haven't drank since.

Please do not wait until you face irrecoverable damages to stop.
The cliche' of YET comes to mind. Do this for yourself. Don't wait until it is too late.


How did I right the ship? I vowed to never drink again and never change my mind. Practicing mindfulness and adopting a new attitude toward life.
I don't know if I have 'righted the ship' yet. But I stopped it from sinking any further.

MrSmith

Hey Facing Future, I too am not an old timer, I have 22 days sober. The day that I decided to seek professional help was after the day where I ruined a family get together because I was drunk. My wife gave me an ultimatum, and I knew that if I didn't change, my marriage was over.

I am not really into AA, but I know that one of the 12 steps is to make amends. So, I first apologized to my kids, but I didn't feel right to make amends to my wife because throughout all of these years I told here repeatedly that I was sorry, that it wouldn't happen again, that this time was different, blah, blah, blah...

Therefore, I felt like some lame apology wouldn't be enough for her, but that I had to start living my amends to her. So I basically started doing the exact opposite of whatever I did when I was drinking, and I am still trying to do that today. I would do things that made her happy, things that I wouldn't normally do - cleaning up the kitchen, going on dates to places that only she likes (and doing it with a great attitude), being present with her during conversations, and not thinking about something else and not listening.

Things are much better now, she sees the difference in me, and we are having fun together doing things again. So my advice would be to live the amends. Don't tell them that you are doing it, just do it.

TroyW

Oh definitely. Was married once for 3 - 5 years depending how you look at it, then another relationship for a little over 3 years. Lost both, and I could easily blame them, which I do. In retrospect, I think it's fair to put some blame on myself and my alcoholism as well.

First relationship my depression due to drinking definitely caused problems. Wasn't the main reason we broke up, but sure didn't help. If I was sober, we could have probably saved the relationship. Second relationship, he got mixed up with the wrong friends, and I had no choice but to leave. Thing is, did my drinking cause him to go down that path in life? Did I enable him? I don't know, but wouldn't be surprised if I influenced him more than I realize.

As for work, I've been self employed for almost 15 years now. I've been up and down all over the income scale. There's no reason I couldn't be a millionaire right now, but instead, several times I almost became homeless in foreign countries like Hungary, Czech Republic, Malta, and Thailand. Latest time was about a week ago. That's 100% due to my alcoholism. Right now, I'm still struggling trying to piece back together a proper, solid business, but I know I can if I stay sober.

As for me, quitting this time is easy. I just detoxed myself about 4 or 5 days ago, and I know my body can't go through another one. According to the empties, this latest ~10 day binge was 8L of whiskey, and god knows how many beer. I'm not even fat, so beyond me how I can drink that much.

It's either I quit drinking, or die alone while laying in my bed in Thailand due to seizure while leaving my dogs for dead. So for me this time, how difficult it is to remain sober is totally irrelevant, because regardless of how hard it gets, it beats death.

entropy1964

I lost my self esteem, my sense of myself, my self compassion and my soul.

Jupiters

I've lost it all over and over.
The most recent loss was my BF. I relapsed hard over Labour Day weekend and did something horrible. I am now living back at my parents at 38yrs old in a room smaller than a broom closet.
I'm lucky I still have my job though.
I have periods of sobriety than decide to test the waters...and every.single.time. I do that....something horrific happens.
I'm done. This is over. I had 18mths once...and I want 18yrs.
I like what frickaflip wrote though....those 4 things are the worst things to lose. I have no idea who I am anymore. What I did on Labour day weekend is something I never thought I would do...I'm in intense counselling now to try and sort out that mess. Quit now. It's just NOT worth it.

Muunray

Yeah..if you feel like you getting close to losing things that are important to you you probably are already in the process. Stop it right now! I've lost a career, I'm bankrupt, and my boyfriend rescinded his marriage proposal to me because "he won't marry a drunk". Though poor and not exactly where I had expected to be at this time of my life, being sober feels so good and I know it is only getting better. Taking some college classes, getting a job to pay the bills for now, and becoming a human being again instead of just struggling to survive the day of hangover to the next drink is taking me into the right direction.

SereneEdition

Following up on the second part of your question: "how did you right the ship?"

I put first things first and stopped drinking.
Then I worked on staying stopped. This part of the journey is where you grow into your potential of being your best person.

"Righting" took care of itself, particularly with other people, once my best self was showing up everyday.

Please do stop if you are concerned - it will only get worse.

ccam1973

FacingF, loosing it all is in the eyes of the beholder. In my opinion, if your choices are negatively affecting your life then you need to make an adjustment. Weather that's alcohol, drugs, gambling, or whatever.

Really doesn't have to do with waiting until you loose everything to make a change, you can make a change any time you want.

You will find people in this community that have lost nearly everything tangible in their lives, and others who haven't lost anything but are miserable because of drinking. Others know all too well through the experiences of friends and family that loosing everything means just that... loss of life due to this horrible addiction.

Bottom line is where do you draw the line. I sure I wish I had drawn mine years ago. But I didn't and spent a couple of decades drinking and drinking and drinking.

There comes a time when you want to get the control back into your life. If you have lost control of being able to make the decision of when to stop, then it's time to quit. I couldn't stop after one drink, that's what I lost... I lost my control.

Now I have it back. You can take your control back if you want. You just have to want it bad enough.

Lean on us for help when you feel weak. I would never have made it without this community.

Light76

Losing myself was the worst ie. feeling kinda brain dead. Also Losing my judgement. Losing money. Losing motivation. Becoming cynical.
The list goes on.... But then I did do some very fun interesting things. The highs and lows are familiar. Accepting the fact it'll never be the same as in the beginning is for me the worst. Now I don't want to lose my liver or cardiovascular functions or my significant other who is on to the fact this is a huge problem.
I hear you on asking this question!

jryan19982

You will find people in this community that have lost nearly everything tangible in their lives, and others who haven't lost anything but are miserable because of drinking

I havent lost a damn thing except valuable time I wasted while I was drunk. I missed time with my kids growing up, I missed time with my wife. Sure I was there, but I was drunk... I vow not to lose anything and try and gain that time back. I know its impossible but I try and make up for it now by being present, sober, and HAPPY. I was so unhappy when I was drinking. I thought I was curing the unhappiness with booze but I wasnt. Good luck to you.

PurpleKnight

I was in the "functioning category", never lost a job, house, marriage, no financial problems, but things were getting worse before my eyes, I was on a spiral and needed to get off the train before it crashed into a brick wall.

But others have said, I lost myself in a haze of alcohol over many years, alcohol does a lot more than take away material things, it takes away our potential, our pride, turns us into obsessive addicted people, it can rob us of our own self esteem, our ambition, our own self worth.

Parting ways with alcohol on a permanent basis was the best decision I ever made!!

sugarbear1

Yes.

SR and AA's 12 steps saved me from a horrible life!

Roxyblues

If your an alcoholic, everything will eventually be stripped from you. The sad part is, knowing that it can and will be stripped from you is not powerful enough to stop drinking for any sustained period of time. The alcoholic mind tells us that one more time won't hurt anything. Ill just drink today and then start all over tomorrow.

Stopping to get job and family back is a decent motivating factor very short term, but not long term. If they don't come back, the alcoholic is set up for a sure relapse. If they do come back, the desperation is gone and the alcoholic will drink again.

The only way an alcoholic can truly stop is from being beat into utter submission. When that happens, wives, jobs and eric. are if little concern. The desperation is to stop drinking and the willingness to do whatever it takes to stop drinking and stop living life the one has been living it.

True desperation and surrender us something that comes from the inside, not outside losses. Unfortunately, alcoholism is so strong that an alcoholic may not have that psychic change until all is lost and the distractions are gone.

chickippo

yep. I lost my daughter, my job, my husband and my home. I had to start again in a one bedroom apartment after leaving my comfortable home.

the first couple of months were hideous. binges, blackouts, terrible decisions. it took nearly dying from withdrawal to really wake me up to the reality of what I was doing.

not to be evangelical, but AA saved my life. I'm not traditionally religious, but the discipline of meetings and the group therapy aspect really worked for me. I got a hardcore sponsor and worked the steps.

I'm heading towards 18 months sober. by the end I was drinking mouthwash just to get me straight enough to get to the store to buy more booze.

my daughter stays with me every weekend now. she's 15 now and is having counselling. I think we're going to be ok.

it can be done. I did it, and I had accepted that I would just drink myself to death as being alive hurt too much.

life is pretty sweet these days. one day at a time...

gonzo51511

Yes i certainly lost just about everything couple months ago. Was gonna purchase my first house and start a much better career but got a dui the morning after a drunken night. So.. no house, stay in my apartment, lost the woman i love more than anything, and my trucking career, plus will probably lose my diving liscense if i get convicted. And if i get convicted it will go down as my 3rd dui. So i will need a whole new life. My legal woes havent even hit yet (court got continued) but im pretty sure how it will go. Im working driving making money now but i dont think it will last to long. What hurts most is the girl. What i put her thru absolutely sickens me.. take my advice.. quit while ahead..im only 35 b.t.w. good luck

fantail

FacingFuture, I really want you to quit now. I'm not an old-timer but I've been in your position. In my case, I was sober for 8 months in 2013. I relapsed and tried quitting a few times after that. I got a couple of weeks last fall, and I remember telling people on here that I really had to quit, because I was close to losing a lot. I believed that the threat of that would keep me sober.

But the pressure of it was a lot. I relapsed, stayed drunk till spring just about and I did lose it... I'm completely broke, I lost a job that I loved and would have been an amazing stepping stone in my career. I lost my relationship, (which now I kind of have back and I'm not sure that I should keep it, but at the time it hurt like hell). I was having panic attacks so severe that I thought I was having a seizure (and looked like it too). I scared my family to death because I was such a mess they flew thousands of miles to see if I was OK, and I very much was not. Then I was sent to rehab... didn't really go to rehab, because at that point no one was going to let me go anywhere that wasn't rehab, so sent. Wheeew. How was everybody else's summer?

So don't do that is my friendly message from a year after being close to losing everything. I'm going to be OK, because I'm sober now, and sober me is much more capable of fixing stuff. But I am starting at a way bigger deficit than I would have been if I was quitting when I felt like things were starting to go wrong. Then I would have had to rebuild some things. Now I have to dig out of a hole and start on a whole different building.

If the threat of losing everything isn't enough to kick start your quit, it might be good to get help with a heavy dose of external accountability. Like a daily AA meeting with a sponsor, or an intensive outpatient treatment, something where you need to show up and be sober consistently or someone will call you out on it.

tomsteve

i never lost a job. i did,however, give some very god jobs to people more responsible.
gave away a lot of posessions and chose alcohol over family and friends.
the morning after my last drunk my (by that time ex) fiance told me some of the things i said and did while in a blackout.
then said,"get the **** out!!!
completely devastated, i narrowed my options down to aa or suicide.
i chose aa, have been sober since, and have a life that i never could have imagined.

theres still further down the scale i could go. more digging that could be done. more gloom,dispair, and misery to be had.
but i choose not to today.