I will never understand addiction
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I will never understand addiction
At 3am-ish, Saturday morning, a friend of ours answered a knock on his front door to find the police standing on his steps. They were there to inform his 2 boys that their mom, his ex-wife, had been found dead from an apparent overdose on heroin. She was 45. The needle was still in her arm.
They thought she'd been "getting better" because she seemed to have gained some weight last time they saw her. They didn't see her often, it was nothing for her to drop out of their lives for weeks & months at a time. The boys are young adults now & have been dealing with her increasing drug abuse since they were in elementary school..... now feeling smothered with guilt over feeling relieved that the nightmare is over and a sadness that they don't quite understand because they've been so detached for so long.
I really liked T, I initially thought we could be friends. I watched them get married at sunset on the beach, amazed that after 10+ years of love & friendship & 2 kids they were finally ready to commit to each other. I witnessed them releasing butterflies into those dramatic purple, red & blue layers of light from the sun setting on the water. I would have called you a liar if you tried warning me that in a year's time she'd be selling her body to finance her drug habit. No one could predict that in less than 2 years things would fall so far apart that it would culminate in her barricading herself in a seedy motel room for days with her best friend's husband - both of them drugged out of their minds on a bender, destroying both of their families in one fell swoop.
It's been years since I spoke to T. The further she went down the rabbit hole, the less she socialized or interacted with anyone. The last time I saw her, we had a conversation I will NEVER forget because she made it very clear that she had no intention or desire or plan to consider sobriety. (and sort of impatient - like, when are YOU ALL going to get that?) She told me that she'd been purposely distancing herself from her kids to help them detach because she knew she was never going to be a worthwhile mother. She wanted them to fully embrace having a single dad & said that she'd long given up the idea of even trying to be a decent mother. She would never qualify & was not going to try. Nothing was more important than her drugs, simply put. Then she walked out of my house to go do her drugs in the woods & got lost, literally. (I have a known zero-tolerance policy she respected enough to not cross.) We had to send out search parties to find her.
I was horrified, her boys were about 8 & 10 & struggling. I was a new mother, DD still a baby cutting teeth. Who sees this & still pursues such selfish destruction? Her husband had tried holding on but had to force divorce to save himself & the boys financially & emotionally. She was living dangerously & that put them all too close to the heat of the fire. He had to remove her from their lives to give the rest of them a chance to survive - but he never stopped loving the girl he fell in love with in high school. He never stopped hoping & praying that she would WAKE UP one day, even while he went on living his life.
She pretty much told me then that this WAS her life, this WAS her choice & this is what I remember most now. She has gotten her wish. She tied off in her bathroom & shot drugs into her veins that no one even knew she was doing, dying silently while friends watched tv in the next room.
I will never understand. But there's no denying that she was very honest with all of us for a very long time. We're the ones struggling with Acceptance.
They thought she'd been "getting better" because she seemed to have gained some weight last time they saw her. They didn't see her often, it was nothing for her to drop out of their lives for weeks & months at a time. The boys are young adults now & have been dealing with her increasing drug abuse since they were in elementary school..... now feeling smothered with guilt over feeling relieved that the nightmare is over and a sadness that they don't quite understand because they've been so detached for so long.
I really liked T, I initially thought we could be friends. I watched them get married at sunset on the beach, amazed that after 10+ years of love & friendship & 2 kids they were finally ready to commit to each other. I witnessed them releasing butterflies into those dramatic purple, red & blue layers of light from the sun setting on the water. I would have called you a liar if you tried warning me that in a year's time she'd be selling her body to finance her drug habit. No one could predict that in less than 2 years things would fall so far apart that it would culminate in her barricading herself in a seedy motel room for days with her best friend's husband - both of them drugged out of their minds on a bender, destroying both of their families in one fell swoop.
It's been years since I spoke to T. The further she went down the rabbit hole, the less she socialized or interacted with anyone. The last time I saw her, we had a conversation I will NEVER forget because she made it very clear that she had no intention or desire or plan to consider sobriety. (and sort of impatient - like, when are YOU ALL going to get that?) She told me that she'd been purposely distancing herself from her kids to help them detach because she knew she was never going to be a worthwhile mother. She wanted them to fully embrace having a single dad & said that she'd long given up the idea of even trying to be a decent mother. She would never qualify & was not going to try. Nothing was more important than her drugs, simply put. Then she walked out of my house to go do her drugs in the woods & got lost, literally. (I have a known zero-tolerance policy she respected enough to not cross.) We had to send out search parties to find her.
I was horrified, her boys were about 8 & 10 & struggling. I was a new mother, DD still a baby cutting teeth. Who sees this & still pursues such selfish destruction? Her husband had tried holding on but had to force divorce to save himself & the boys financially & emotionally. She was living dangerously & that put them all too close to the heat of the fire. He had to remove her from their lives to give the rest of them a chance to survive - but he never stopped loving the girl he fell in love with in high school. He never stopped hoping & praying that she would WAKE UP one day, even while he went on living his life.
She pretty much told me then that this WAS her life, this WAS her choice & this is what I remember most now. She has gotten her wish. She tied off in her bathroom & shot drugs into her veins that no one even knew she was doing, dying silently while friends watched tv in the next room.
I will never understand. But there's no denying that she was very honest with all of us for a very long time. We're the ones struggling with Acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
So sad. I have so much anger at addiction and addicts, then stories like this come out and my heart just breaks for those addicted. Thinking of her family...and you...I know what it's like to lose a friend to drugs no matter how detached or distant we were, it still sucks.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by firebolt 
Thinking of her family...and you...I know what it's like to lose a friend to drugs no matter how detached or distant we were, it still sucks.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Prayers & comforting thoughts for all who love this woman ~
May she be remembered that she was more than her disease ~ even tho that was her choice ~ may healing occur with her friends & family so they can rejoice in the good memories ~
Addiction is heartbreaking for all ~
May someone read this & find their inner courage to make healthier choices
big pink hugs
May she be remembered that she was more than her disease ~ even tho that was her choice ~ may healing occur with her friends & family so they can rejoice in the good memories ~
Addiction is heartbreaking for all ~
May someone read this & find their inner courage to make healthier choices
big pink hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Firesprite))) 
so very sad...how hopeless she must have felt against the disease. I pray for peace for her family...her children...that someday, they can understand and come to terms with this senseless tragedy.
Its so true that we can't fix them. Oh, how I wish we could.
so very sad...how hopeless she must have felt against the disease. I pray for peace for her family...her children...that someday, they can understand and come to terms with this senseless tragedy.
Its so true that we can't fix them. Oh, how I wish we could.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 56
My heart breaks for all her friends and family, especially her children. Addiction is such a hard thing to understand. I always think, "when addiction picks you, your life is hell."
It seems to add more layers to the grieving process too.
May you all be comforted by memories of better times.
It seems to add more layers to the grieving process too.
May you all be comforted by memories of better times.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by FireSprite
At 3am-ish, Saturday morning, a friend of ours answered a knock on his front door to find the police standing on his steps. They were there to inform his 2 boys that their mom, his ex-wife, had been found dead from an apparent overdose on heroin. She was 45. The needle was still in her arm.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 53
FireSprite -- this is a painful loss and in a much different way than most. Because it really can't be explained like other tragedies that people encounter (ex. cancer at a young age or an accident that takes someone's life )
I have a friend that went from PTA mom to meth addict. In everyday suburbia. It doesn't make sense.
Very sorry for your loss and the pain the family has to endure.
Blue
I have a friend that went from PTA mom to meth addict. In everyday suburbia. It doesn't make sense.
Very sorry for your loss and the pain the family has to endure.
Blue
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