Need prayers from those who understand
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Need prayers from those who understand
I sit here tonight, knowing that tomorrow I take my elderly Mom to court and request an order of protection against my brother. He lives with my folks (52yo). I thought everything was good, have learned that they have been keeping the truth from me for the past year. My Dad has been hospitalized in critical condition this past week (87yo). My brother went off the rails, threatening Mom and stealing Dad's truck. Found at a local bar incapacitated, cops call me. Mom is now in my home and safe. But she is devastated. She is devout Irish Catholic, and is storming heaven with prayers. It is killing her to put my brother out, but she now knows she has to protect my Dad.
I hate this disease with every ounce of my being. I am heart broken for what my parents have been through, and what Mom has had to deal with while Dad is sick. I understand that my brother is sick, and I love him. But he can not put my folks in harms way. The task of now being at the house when the order is served and getting him out falls on me. This is brutal.
I am on here because so many of you understand this pain. Say a brief prayer for my family.
I hate this disease with every ounce of my being. I am heart broken for what my parents have been through, and what Mom has had to deal with while Dad is sick. I understand that my brother is sick, and I love him. But he can not put my folks in harms way. The task of now being at the house when the order is served and getting him out falls on me. This is brutal.
I am on here because so many of you understand this pain. Say a brief prayer for my family.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I will pray for you and your family. It all seems overwhelming I know. Do not take on the world, just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. My Alanon sponsor told me "when you don't know what to do, just do the next right thing". A loved one battling alcoholism is brutal. Take deep breaths. You will be ok! Thank you for posting here.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Rocovering2......I certainly understand. I know how brutal it feels to be a family member in this kind of situation.
Many times, the right thing is also the hardest thing!
I don't know the entire circumstance, of course, but, I suspect that this is something that needed to be done long before now.
This is far mo re common than you probably know. All across the land, there are adult children l iving in their parents basements with just this kind of situation.
This may be the thing your brother needs to force him to help himself....in that sense, it may be the most loving thing that you could do for him. I realize that it may n ot seem so to you right now, though.....
Can you call a priest for your m other? I know that your mother will be grieving, and her health will be very vulnerable, right now---especially with your father sick, also. I would strongly suggest that you seek, through social services or the Church....some supportive therapy or counseling for your mother. I imagine that she will be overcome with "guilt" feelings.
Take it one step at a time. The courage will be there at just the second that you need it....
I will be thinking about you, today.
Please post and let us know how it is going for you.
dandylion
Many times, the right thing is also the hardest thing!
I don't know the entire circumstance, of course, but, I suspect that this is something that needed to be done long before now.
This is far mo re common than you probably know. All across the land, there are adult children l iving in their parents basements with just this kind of situation.
This may be the thing your brother needs to force him to help himself....in that sense, it may be the most loving thing that you could do for him. I realize that it may n ot seem so to you right now, though.....
Can you call a priest for your m other? I know that your mother will be grieving, and her health will be very vulnerable, right now---especially with your father sick, also. I would strongly suggest that you seek, through social services or the Church....some supportive therapy or counseling for your mother. I imagine that she will be overcome with "guilt" feelings.
Take it one step at a time. The courage will be there at just the second that you need it....
I will be thinking about you, today.
Please post and let us know how it is going for you.
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Recovering2,
Your family is in my prayers and you might want to share this with your mom:
When ancient Israel fell away from God and disregarded His teachings and requirements of His people He would separate himself from their sin and allow the consequences of their behavior to befall them for their own good.
They would suffer calamity, wars and even being carried off into slavery by pagan enemy nations and Israel would then turn again back to their God in repentance.
God always separates himself from sin and certainly never condones or promotes it. Your parents enabling your brother it makes it difficult for a loving God to be able to reach him in a bottom moment to become willing to do whatever it takes to change his behavior by addressing his addiction.
Your Mom needs to trust the God that formed your brother in her womb and knows your brother's most secret thoughts and feelings as well as the future will help your brother find His way out of addiction. What God won't do is violate your brother's free will and neither can you or your Mom force him to stop drinking if he wants to keep drinking.
It is truly loving when let a loved one go to choose either recovery or to continue to drink and it especially loving when we remove the safety net that actually encourages the A to continue the negative behaviors.
I had the same dilemma 4 years ago with my XA who was a blackout drinker but I put him out and he ended up in the streets of Las Vegas. I prayed God would send someone across his path and on a public bus my XA sat by a Christian actor who plays Jesus in film and at Holy Land who once prayed for him. That man prayed with him and helped him get into Dream Center in Los Angeles where he got sober.
We had prayed with that man 2 years before this after a Christian play in a church that was 2500 miles away! What are the odds of those two running into each other on a bus with my XA having an open bottle drinking like a fish? "Jesus" gave my XA his phone number and the rest is history.
God didn't need me after all and can handle each and every drunk on the planet who cries out for His help without us!
There is freedom and peace knowing they can control their futures and God is always there to help them achieve a happy life without alcohol if they choose to do so.
That is why we have so many sayings about this idea such as "Let go and Let God" and we don't have to beg God to do this. He is as close as a whisper from your brothers lips to His ear. Your Mom needs to know that God loves her son more than she can ever know or fathom... God knows the number of the hairs on her sons head!
Please share my story and see if she will go to an alanon meeting with you. Being with others who have shared her pain and worry will give her strength and hope during these times of uncertainty.
Your family is in my prayers and you might want to share this with your mom:
When ancient Israel fell away from God and disregarded His teachings and requirements of His people He would separate himself from their sin and allow the consequences of their behavior to befall them for their own good.
They would suffer calamity, wars and even being carried off into slavery by pagan enemy nations and Israel would then turn again back to their God in repentance.
God always separates himself from sin and certainly never condones or promotes it. Your parents enabling your brother it makes it difficult for a loving God to be able to reach him in a bottom moment to become willing to do whatever it takes to change his behavior by addressing his addiction.
Your Mom needs to trust the God that formed your brother in her womb and knows your brother's most secret thoughts and feelings as well as the future will help your brother find His way out of addiction. What God won't do is violate your brother's free will and neither can you or your Mom force him to stop drinking if he wants to keep drinking.
It is truly loving when let a loved one go to choose either recovery or to continue to drink and it especially loving when we remove the safety net that actually encourages the A to continue the negative behaviors.
I had the same dilemma 4 years ago with my XA who was a blackout drinker but I put him out and he ended up in the streets of Las Vegas. I prayed God would send someone across his path and on a public bus my XA sat by a Christian actor who plays Jesus in film and at Holy Land who once prayed for him. That man prayed with him and helped him get into Dream Center in Los Angeles where he got sober.
We had prayed with that man 2 years before this after a Christian play in a church that was 2500 miles away! What are the odds of those two running into each other on a bus with my XA having an open bottle drinking like a fish? "Jesus" gave my XA his phone number and the rest is history.
God didn't need me after all and can handle each and every drunk on the planet who cries out for His help without us!
There is freedom and peace knowing they can control their futures and God is always there to help them achieve a happy life without alcohol if they choose to do so.
That is why we have so many sayings about this idea such as "Let go and Let God" and we don't have to beg God to do this. He is as close as a whisper from your brothers lips to His ear. Your Mom needs to know that God loves her son more than she can ever know or fathom... God knows the number of the hairs on her sons head!
Please share my story and see if she will go to an alanon meeting with you. Being with others who have shared her pain and worry will give her strength and hope during these times of uncertainty.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Thank you one and all for the supportive, encouraging words. Hopeworks...I will definitely share your post with my Mom. Her own priest told her it is time to give her son over to God. Praying for strength.
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So my elderly fragile brave Mom went through with the order of protection. It was likely the worst day of her life. I found a faith based rehab that will take him, so she knows he has a choice to avoid the street. But she is wracked with pain and grief. It falls to me tomorrow to carry it out and take him to rehab if he goes. I feel like this is the only hope of life he has, and am praying it goes well....but ready for the wors as usual. I am hoping this is a turning point for him, and praying my parents get through all this. Thanks again to those of you who have offered wisdom and support.
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Dear recovering......I am glad, at least, that you both got through the awful day, and that part is behind you. I know it was really hard on the both of you.
It is a blessing for your mother that she has a compassionate daughter like you to walk through this with her.
You all have done the best thing for your brother. Keep remembering this...and, remind her, frequently of this fact. It probably was needed for a very long time. But, no use in looking back, now.
Your brother now has a chance to get his life together. Maybe, he will---and , if he has any underlying conditions....I hope that the rehab place will identify them.
The key thing is that his loved ones refrain from enabling him.
He might even hit the skids for a while (or not). Many recovered alcoholics don't get their lives together and seek recovery until after 50yrs of age.
You all can still love him.....but, it will have to be from a distance.
Love is not lost....hope is not lost.....
I don't want you to get yourself lost in this. I suggest that you get some counseling with someone who has had a lot of experience with alcoholism....
dandylion
It is a blessing for your mother that she has a compassionate daughter like you to walk through this with her.
You all have done the best thing for your brother. Keep remembering this...and, remind her, frequently of this fact. It probably was needed for a very long time. But, no use in looking back, now.
Your brother now has a chance to get his life together. Maybe, he will---and , if he has any underlying conditions....I hope that the rehab place will identify them.
The key thing is that his loved ones refrain from enabling him.
He might even hit the skids for a while (or not). Many recovered alcoholics don't get their lives together and seek recovery until after 50yrs of age.
You all can still love him.....but, it will have to be from a distance.
Love is not lost....hope is not lost.....
I don't want you to get yourself lost in this. I suggest that you get some counseling with someone who has had a lot of experience with alcoholism....
dandylion
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So an update on my situation, only as a measure of hope to others. My Mom got the court order on 9/28, but it was a roller coaster with my Dad's illness after that. She never thought it was the right day. I don't know why, but I woke up on 10/4 and knew we had to address things. My brother continued to drink, my Mom was afraid to go home, and my Dad wasn't getting better. Worst day of my life. But I followed through, and my brother agreed to go to treatment when the order was served. He remains there as of this writing. I went to my Mom who was with my Dad in the hospital, and told them both that their son had signed himself into treatment. My father passed away that night. I truly believe that my Dad knew I had Mom, and my brother was in rehab...and he let go. It was hard to go to the rehab and tell my brother that Dad had died. But my brother now has an angel praying for his success.
Here's the thing. If we hadn't served my brother and had him removed from my parents house that day, it likely would have never happened. My Mom would have felt trapped. It was BRUTAL for her to do this to her son. But he is in treatment, with counselors who can help him with both his addiction andhis grief. He was diagnosed with uncontrolled diabetes, and is now getting treatment. That alone could have killed him. My Mom is recognizing that she has to keep a boundary to help him learn to take care of himself.
This is a horrible awful painful disease. My Dad never saw my brother sober, but in his last hours he knew my brother was in treatment. For every person out there who enables out of love....stop. Sadly...love means detaching and letting the person find their way. Let go and let God. My brother may now only find his way after it is too late to mend fences with my Dad.....but my parents played a role in that. My Dad is in Heaven....and my brother is in God's hands.
Here's the thing. If we hadn't served my brother and had him removed from my parents house that day, it likely would have never happened. My Mom would have felt trapped. It was BRUTAL for her to do this to her son. But he is in treatment, with counselors who can help him with both his addiction andhis grief. He was diagnosed with uncontrolled diabetes, and is now getting treatment. That alone could have killed him. My Mom is recognizing that she has to keep a boundary to help him learn to take care of himself.
This is a horrible awful painful disease. My Dad never saw my brother sober, but in his last hours he knew my brother was in treatment. For every person out there who enables out of love....stop. Sadly...love means detaching and letting the person find their way. Let go and let God. My brother may now only find his way after it is too late to mend fences with my Dad.....but my parents played a role in that. My Dad is in Heaven....and my brother is in God's hands.
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i am so sorry for your loss R2. thank you for sharing your story, and i am in awe of your strength. my prayers are with you and your mother and special prayers that your brother finds his way.
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Talked to my brother today. I am not on the order of protection, so he can contact me. He is still in treatment, will be 30 days sober tomorrow and is looking forward to picking up his chip. He has a job, and has earned enough money to have a cell phone. He is being treated for his diabetes, and is feeling better. He knows he can't contact Mom, but wants her to know he loves her and is sorry. I told him we love him and are proud of him for 30 days.
Here's the thing.....if we hadn't done the REALLY HARD thing and forced him out....he would still be in that house drinking himself to an alcoholic/diabetic death. At least now, he has hope. And my Mom is realizing that he really can figure it out on his own, which gives her strength.
I wish my Dad had lived to see my brother sober. I don't know what is ahead for my brother. But I am at peace with whatever path he chooses. He has an angel on his shoulder, and my Mom is learning to Let go Let God. It is his life, his path, to decide.
Thanks to every person who has shared their words of wisdom, and offered their condolences. It is appreciated.
Here's the thing.....if we hadn't done the REALLY HARD thing and forced him out....he would still be in that house drinking himself to an alcoholic/diabetic death. At least now, he has hope. And my Mom is realizing that he really can figure it out on his own, which gives her strength.
I wish my Dad had lived to see my brother sober. I don't know what is ahead for my brother. But I am at peace with whatever path he chooses. He has an angel on his shoulder, and my Mom is learning to Let go Let God. It is his life, his path, to decide.
Thanks to every person who has shared their words of wisdom, and offered their condolences. It is appreciated.
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R2,
Wow what a story. I cried reading your story, as so many of us here feel your pain . We all know that we need to get out of the addicts in our lives, way, and give them to God. But we don't always do it.
I am so happy that your brother is feeling sobriety, and embracing it. He is apologizing to your mother and is his feeling his own pain. That sounds like a man who is working a program. I pray that he can stay on that path for himself, and for all who love him.
I am sorry that it had to get so bad, but you got through it, with the help from God. There was so many powerful comments in this thread that I copied. I will reread them and repost when I feel someone is in need.
Hugs my friend, I wish you and your family peace and serenity!!
Wow what a story. I cried reading your story, as so many of us here feel your pain . We all know that we need to get out of the addicts in our lives, way, and give them to God. But we don't always do it.
I am so happy that your brother is feeling sobriety, and embracing it. He is apologizing to your mother and is his feeling his own pain. That sounds like a man who is working a program. I pray that he can stay on that path for himself, and for all who love him.
I am sorry that it had to get so bad, but you got through it, with the help from God. There was so many powerful comments in this thread that I copied. I will reread them and repost when I feel someone is in need.
Hugs my friend, I wish you and your family peace and serenity!!
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