Damn, 17 days and i want wine...
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
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Damn, 17 days and i want wine...
I was doing so well, thought I had this sussed but now tonight I'm wanting wine...
I'm picturing the bottle, pouring the glass, the taste, the effect, the feeling of "having a night off".
I'm now drinking cranberry juice and I think I am hungry and thirsty and probably tired too but I'm scared.
I'm thinking about drinking and it scares me. I don't want to go back to drinking every night of the week and I know that any other illusion of controlled drinking is just my AV talking. I've read the thread on urge surfing. I know I won't drink tonight, I'm not driving out to get a bottle but I'm scared now that I might succumbe some other time. I don't feel as strong as I have been so far.
Off to have tea now, hope I feel better after.
A shaky, FF xxx
I'm picturing the bottle, pouring the glass, the taste, the effect, the feeling of "having a night off".
I'm now drinking cranberry juice and I think I am hungry and thirsty and probably tired too but I'm scared.
I'm thinking about drinking and it scares me. I don't want to go back to drinking every night of the week and I know that any other illusion of controlled drinking is just my AV talking. I've read the thread on urge surfing. I know I won't drink tonight, I'm not driving out to get a bottle but I'm scared now that I might succumbe some other time. I don't feel as strong as I have been so far.
Off to have tea now, hope I feel better after.
A shaky, FF xxx
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,666
try picturing yourself waking up tomorrow without any remorse, without a hangover, without a crushing sense of disappointment in yourself.
try picturing the sense of honor you can feel and the gratitude you can hold in your heart, as you drink that tea and cherish the crisp taste of the cranberry juice.
try going for a nice walk and watching the evening skies turn color, or smelling the freshness of the breeze or noticing things you've never noticed before.... and quietly giving thanks for all the simple miracles all around you.
try something different.... because that wine is just lying to you, and that antsy little alcoholic voice in your head is not the real you.
try picturing the sense of honor you can feel and the gratitude you can hold in your heart, as you drink that tea and cherish the crisp taste of the cranberry juice.
try going for a nice walk and watching the evening skies turn color, or smelling the freshness of the breeze or noticing things you've never noticed before.... and quietly giving thanks for all the simple miracles all around you.
try something different.... because that wine is just lying to you, and that antsy little alcoholic voice in your head is not the real you.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Also I think a few things today have pissed me off.
1. Someone at work couldn't print from their machine so asked me to do it making me 15 minutes late leaving work.
2. I was meant to meet someone at 5.30 to discuss putting on some local theatre / music in our village, I waited 35 minutes and she didn't show up.
3. My 5 year old was messing around in the bath and after 3 warnings he lost his TV, story and rhymes before bed so I had to put him to bed crying. After being at work all day and that being our only interaction this evening was horrid...
Maybe that's why I want (ed?) wine....
1. Someone at work couldn't print from their machine so asked me to do it making me 15 minutes late leaving work.
2. I was meant to meet someone at 5.30 to discuss putting on some local theatre / music in our village, I waited 35 minutes and she didn't show up.
3. My 5 year old was messing around in the bath and after 3 warnings he lost his TV, story and rhymes before bed so I had to put him to bed crying. After being at work all day and that being our only interaction this evening was horrid...
Maybe that's why I want (ed?) wine....
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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17 days is awesome, but still awfully early in recovery. Thoughts of drinking are to be expected. But they are just thoughts. I thought about drinking for the first couple months. But I didn't drink.
Obsessing about drinking is tough. Drinking only makes it worse. Stay focused on why you quit and stay focused on your recovery.
Obsessing about drinking is tough. Drinking only makes it worse. Stay focused on why you quit and stay focused on your recovery.
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Congratulations on 17 days sober. It's not a bad thing to be reminded that we must still pay attention to this disease at times. It sounds like you're doing great and now you can make a plan in case it happens another time. 
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
try picturing yourself waking up tomorrow without any remorse, without a hangover, without a crushing sense of disappointment in yourself.
try picturing the sense of honor you can feel and the gratitude you can hold in your heart, as you drink that tea and cherish the crisp taste of the cranberry juice.
try going for a nice walk and watching the evening skies turn color, or smelling the freshness of the breeze or noticing things you've never noticed before.... and quietly giving thanks for all the simple miracles all around you.
try something different.... because that wine is just lying to you, and that antsy little alcoholic voice in your head is not the real you.
try picturing the sense of honor you can feel and the gratitude you can hold in your heart, as you drink that tea and cherish the crisp taste of the cranberry juice.
try going for a nice walk and watching the evening skies turn color, or smelling the freshness of the breeze or noticing things you've never noticed before.... and quietly giving thanks for all the simple miracles all around you.
try something different.... because that wine is just lying to you, and that antsy little alcoholic voice in your head is not the real you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Thanks for the replies, God it's good to get instant feedback here!
Good advice. In my village tonight they practice bell ringing at the church, I just walked around the green to clear my head and noticed the freshness in the air, listened to how the sound of the bells bounced off the houses as I walked around and then I passed a children's bedroom filled with balloons from their birthday. Reminded me how I'd like to be present for my kids birthdays as they grow up, not using them as an excuse to drink or willing them to end so I can drink.
Earlier I just minimised the idea of buying a bottle to nothing and thought "how good is being sober anyway?" Then I remembered all the people I had told that I've stopped drinking and thought "sh#t, how can I drink without them knowing or without lying to them?" It all felt dirty, deceitful, wrong but I still wanted to do it.
I know it's early days, that's just a taste of things to come I'm sure.
I think my HALT was;
Hungry
Angry
Lethargic
Thirsty
Good advice. In my village tonight they practice bell ringing at the church, I just walked around the green to clear my head and noticed the freshness in the air, listened to how the sound of the bells bounced off the houses as I walked around and then I passed a children's bedroom filled with balloons from their birthday. Reminded me how I'd like to be present for my kids birthdays as they grow up, not using them as an excuse to drink or willing them to end so I can drink.
Earlier I just minimised the idea of buying a bottle to nothing and thought "how good is being sober anyway?" Then I remembered all the people I had told that I've stopped drinking and thought "sh#t, how can I drink without them knowing or without lying to them?" It all felt dirty, deceitful, wrong but I still wanted to do it.
I know it's early days, that's just a taste of things to come I'm sure.
I think my HALT was;
Hungry
Angry
Lethargic
Thirsty
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,666
Originally Posted by foreverfuzzy
Also I think a few things today have pissed me off.
1. Someone at work couldn't print from their machine so asked me to do it making me 15 minutes late leaving work.
2. I was meant to meet someone at 5.30 to discuss putting on some local theatre / music in our village, I waited 35 minutes and she didn't show up.
3. My 5 year old was messing around in the bath and after 3 warnings he lost his TV, story and rhymes before bed so I had to put him to bed crying. After being at work all day and that being our only interaction this evening was horrid...
Maybe that's why I want (ed?) wine....
1. Someone at work couldn't print from their machine so asked me to do it making me 15 minutes late leaving work.
2. I was meant to meet someone at 5.30 to discuss putting on some local theatre / music in our village, I waited 35 minutes and she didn't show up.
3. My 5 year old was messing around in the bath and after 3 warnings he lost his TV, story and rhymes before bed so I had to put him to bed crying. After being at work all day and that being our only interaction this evening was horrid...
Maybe that's why I want (ed?) wine....
all those other things happen. they happen to everyone. not everyone surges for wine as a response. LIFE is going to happen. Being sober doesn't stop those things from happening.... but sobriety opens us up to an entire universe of responses to those things - other than getting drunk.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,046
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,825
Lots of good advice above. "Wanting" isn't a sign of failing to quit, giving in is and you never have to give in, yeah ? It sounds like the 'wanting' is little smaller now and the knowing you won't is bigger , yes? Hope so , the more times you beat back the urges/wantings the weaker they will become and the less often they will rear the stupid ugly head(s). Good onya riding it out, the walk sounded lovely, keep building that sober muscle , you got this
wish you well
wish you well
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Yes you're right, I wanted wine because I have an addiction.
How long before the universe shows me better ways of handling things?
I know I have to work at this too, I'm feeling a bit stroppy tonight.
How long before the universe shows me better ways of handling things?
I know I have to work at this too, I'm feeling a bit stroppy tonight.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,666
Originally Posted by foreverfuzzy
Yes you're right, I wanted wine because I have an addiction.
How long before the universe shows me better ways of handling things?
I know I have to work at this too, I'm feeling a bit stroppy tonight.
How long before the universe shows me better ways of handling things?
I know I have to work at this too, I'm feeling a bit stroppy tonight.
Go and re-read my earlier post. I am a part of the Universe.... just like you are.... I have shown you a few ways....
The ways are all around us.
Watch the sunset... it will also show you...
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Yes you're right, we're all here for each other and that in itself is amazing... I loved seeing my church tonight with a moody sky and moon above it and hearing those bells, I wouldn't have done that if u hadn't suggested it.
I have 2 cards I wrote earlier to the surgeries who helped me with my detox thanking them for their support.
Earlier, I thought "good job I haven't posted those if I'm going to drink again..."
I'm going to put stamps on them now and will post first thing in the morning.
I will also work on my recovery journal this weekend, I've been cutting things out to stick in and keep track of how I'm doing, I will take pleasure in making it look neat, tidy, creative, I have collages aswell as random sayings and things I've printed out (from here too).
Is anyone else on Pinterest? I have a recovery page on there too with some cool pins.
I have 2 cards I wrote earlier to the surgeries who helped me with my detox thanking them for their support.
Earlier, I thought "good job I haven't posted those if I'm going to drink again..."
I'm going to put stamps on them now and will post first thing in the morning.
I will also work on my recovery journal this weekend, I've been cutting things out to stick in and keep track of how I'm doing, I will take pleasure in making it look neat, tidy, creative, I have collages aswell as random sayings and things I've printed out (from here too).
Is anyone else on Pinterest? I have a recovery page on there too with some cool pins.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: usa
Posts: 274
good job staying sober after a hard day. I have children and know that as much as you love them they can push your buttons. wine is my problem as well so if I am craving I will give myself something else. ice cream , full strength soda, a trip to the mall......shopping !! and the image of me the next morning is almost enough to stop me in my tracks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,352
So glad you didn't give in FF :-)
It will just take you back to day one of self destruction.
17 days is awesome. Bet the kids love you for it too.
Cos they know the difference , even at 5 years of age . Believe me.
I bet your body & mind is thanking you too.
Well done xxxx
It will just take you back to day one of self destruction.
17 days is awesome. Bet the kids love you for it too.
Cos they know the difference , even at 5 years of age . Believe me.
I bet your body & mind is thanking you too.
Well done xxxx
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