Memort loss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: port elizabeth
Posts: 2
Memort loss
I started drinking early yesterday and ended up going out.I have vague memory of being chased out of a bar and i have no idea how I got home,,,,,,this is really freaking me out anything could have happened and I wouldn't even know about it......I stayed clean for 4 months and I really felt good about myself ......now I went messed that all up by binge drinking again and I really feel worthless again .......I hate the person I become when I drink .......I dont really want to join AA .....but I need to do something
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
4 months clean is amazing.
Unfortunately, you have to want to never drink again.
Until you are ready to never drink again, you will continue this death spiral.
Moderation, for people like me ends up in a negative trending cycle, the ends in a huge binge...or worse...e.g. running a little kid over because I am driving wasted. I was just lucky to have never had a run in with that type of horrible destiny.
Up to you.
When you are ready to quit, the help is waiting here. I believe this site is about abstinence.
Unfortunately, you have to want to never drink again.
Until you are ready to never drink again, you will continue this death spiral.
Moderation, for people like me ends up in a negative trending cycle, the ends in a huge binge...or worse...e.g. running a little kid over because I am driving wasted. I was just lucky to have never had a run in with that type of horrible destiny.
Up to you.
When you are ready to quit, the help is waiting here. I believe this site is about abstinence.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
That is scary huh? I've had some pretty creepy blackouts too. Calling my credit card to track my moves. Ugh. Really bad things can happen. Scared me enough to stop me for two years. But I didn't stay stopped. I haven't had another blackout, yet, but I hope never to experience that again. As a woman it can be particularly dangerous. The good news? We don't ever have to go through this again. Just don't drink. Simple but not always easy. There is a solution though 
. Hang in there.
. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I have had many nights like that. Usually, I can remember what bar I was at but no more detail than that. Wouldn't know how much I drank, who I talked to, or how long I was there.
Bank statements often gave me a shock as I wonder how I spent all my rent money in one weekend.
Such is the life of an alcoholic. just madness. I do suggest you reach out for help to someobe close to you. You can't do it alone.
Bank statements often gave me a shock as I wonder how I spent all my rent money in one weekend.
Such is the life of an alcoholic. just madness. I do suggest you reach out for help to someobe close to you. You can't do it alone.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm so glad you joined us, Connie. You're among people who truly understand.
I began to behave recklessly too - each time it was in my system. I could never be sure I'd stay safe or do the right thing. It changed me into someone I didn't even know. The only way to be sure this didn't happen was to quit. Life is so much better being free of it. I'm glad you're concerned about what it does to you. Good to have you with us.
I began to behave recklessly too - each time it was in my system. I could never be sure I'd stay safe or do the right thing. It changed me into someone I didn't even know. The only way to be sure this didn't happen was to quit. Life is so much better being free of it. I'm glad you're concerned about what it does to you. Good to have you with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: port elizabeth
Posts: 2
Ok thanks to all the replies its quite overwhelming .......now I just need to deal with this paranoia .....it feels like I shamed myself and I don't want to leave my house as if everyone in my area knows that i am a drunk .....does anyone ever feel they could move somewhere ells and start over?......If only things were that easy .......I have been to an AA meeting once but I am quite an introverted person so standing in front of a bunch of strangers and letting out all shamefull things I have done does not appeal to me at all.....will give this a go on my own again .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by connie83 
Ok thanks to all the replies its quite overwhelming .......now I just need to deal with this paranoia .....it feels like I shamed myself and I don't want to leave my house as if everyone in my area knows that i am a drunk .....does anyone ever feel they could move somewhere ells and start over?......If only things were that easy .......I have been to an AA meeting once but I am quite an introverted person so standing in front of a bunch of strangers and letting out all shamefull things I have done does not appeal to me at all.....will give this a go on my own again .
I have moved to change my environment....but somehow I'm always still there
And so are my problems. For me facing the consequences of my actions was the only way to move past them.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Hi connie83, and welcome!
I have tried moving in the past. Problem is though, that I am my problem and I take myself to my new location and so my drinking problems continue, just in a new location!
I hope you stick around, you are never alone here at SR. There is always someone to bounce things off of, to support you and to hold your hand. I am an introvert, too, so the support system here really works for me.
For me, this is too big to face alone, I take all the help I can get and I hope you will, too!!
I have tried moving in the past. Problem is though, that I am my problem and I take myself to my new location and so my drinking problems continue, just in a new location!
I hope you stick around, you are never alone here at SR. There is always someone to bounce things off of, to support you and to hold your hand. I am an introvert, too, so the support system here really works for me.
For me, this is too big to face alone, I take all the help I can get and I hope you will, too!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
There are approaches that can be done on your own that you can read about on here. Maybe have a look in the Secular Recovery sub forum where there's a long thread on AVRT, which is an approach that made sense to me (over 3 months without a drink now).
Good luck with whatever method you try. The key is that you really need to want to make this change, as they all involve putting real work and effort into it. But it will definitely be worth it. A friend I met for lunch today was trying to tempt me into a drink, by saying how much fun I was when drunk. Thing is, there's that fine line between people laughing with you and laughing at you. I don't want to feel that sense of shame any more, trying to remember what I did the night before that other people found so amusing. It actually helped strengthen my resolve to stick to my decision.
Good luck with whatever method you try. The key is that you really need to want to make this change, as they all involve putting real work and effort into it. But it will definitely be worth it. A friend I met for lunch today was trying to tempt me into a drink, by saying how much fun I was when drunk. Thing is, there's that fine line between people laughing with you and laughing at you. I don't want to feel that sense of shame any more, trying to remember what I did the night before that other people found so amusing. It actually helped strengthen my resolve to stick to my decision.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 90
D122y made a great point of "you have to never want to drink again". It really boils down to you wanting to not do this to yourself anymore. The good news is that you certainly don't have to join AA. It's not for everybody. Your chances will be just as good with it as without it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Originally Posted by connie83
...I have been to an AA meeting once but I am quite an introverted person so standing in front of a bunch of strangers and letting out all shamefull things I have done does not appeal to me at all......
(o:
NoelleR
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 30
Connie I hear the shame thing. I have been dry for 13 months now and still feel shame from time to time! What you should realise is that it's not really YOU going round the bars and saying/doing embarrassing things, it is the alcohol. If we accept that alcoholism is a disease then you are an ill person displaying symptoms of that disease. Forgive yourself!
If you did anything truly terrible you would have heard of it by now, most likely you are paranoid due to over consumption. Try not to worry.
Also as a few have said you never, ever have to feel like this again
If you did anything truly terrible you would have heard of it by now, most likely you are paranoid due to over consumption. Try not to worry.
Also as a few have said you never, ever have to feel like this again
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