RJY9

I'm back with day 2 of sobriety after relapsing twice in the last 9 months. I feel destroyed and went out on Saturday and that first drink took me to drugs again as it always does and I drank until 11am the next day. I now cant function and have been of work for 2 days.

I feel terrible. I can remember saying horrible things to people and starting a fight in the street. I completely change from my normal nice self into a loud and unpredictable person. I hate it. I cant believe I relapsed and the anxiety got the better of me. Started off just moderate drinking for 1 week then all of a sudden the weekend hits and I'm just powerless over the first drink. I take drugs every time and end up regretting it.

Anyway I'm sober today so that's the main thing. Hopefully I can get on with the normality of life again.

RJ

Marcher13

RJ this can be the last day 2 ever if you have a plan to meet the cravings and head them off.

Hope2014

Hi RJ,
Sorry to hear that you relapsed. Day 2 is a good start, just look forward not back. Make a plan so the next time you are tempted, you are armed with tools to fight it.

RushTogether

One day at a time my friend.

My first suggestion for you is go find a meeting. Let them know that it's your first one. I remember my first one, I walked away in tears, but I was inspired!

Change is effing scary, there is no doubt about that. I have faith you though, we all do.

Make your goal for the day, to lay a sober head on your pillow at night.

Be well.

Soberwolf

Glad you made it back have you written up a plan its going to be vital bud

Nonsensical

We know what the first drink takes you to. It takes us there, too.

What took you to the first drink?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back RJ. Glad you are trying again. Re-read what I quoted above and I think you'll see exactly why things got out of control again. You are NOT powerless over the first drink...your sobriety over the past months is proof of that. Once we choose to take the first drink though things get ugly.

That's the key...you've got to unconditionally accept that the first drink is never an option, and it never will be. Moderation will never be an option either...no matter how many times you try. Finding a way to accept this will be your key to freedom . Whether you do that via meetings, rehab, counseling ,self help, SR or any combination is up to you but if can be done.

Carver

I dunno if this'll help you at all, but if the weekend is a problem time for you, maybe book a heavy gym session for 6am Saturday and Sunday mornings and stick to it? I know it helped me, along with a thousand other things.

Just a suggestion. You've got more sober time than me I think, so that's proof that it can be done. Keep tweaking the plan, find what works.

Best of luck

RJY9

It was the anxiety and fear I experience that leads me to picking up everytime.

Soberwolf

Have you read panic to power I read it recently its on anxiety and was a game changer for me

Findingtheway

Glad you made it back here. Try and learn from this experience.

If you don't want to drink...You don't have to.

You CAN do this.

ccam1973

RJY, if you've relapsed twice in 9 months then you've had some sober time under your belt. You can get it back, you have the tools to stay sober.

Good job on coming back and making this day 2. You can't ever forget what that first drink will do to you or where it will take you.

That's what keeps me sober today. When I seem to forget, I try to remind myself and play it forward in my mind... one drink today will mean not stopping until I pass out tonight. I'll feel so bad in the morning that I will convince myself to take another drink by 10 am. This cycle will continue until something gives, and that something could be my life...

Always remind yourself where that first drink will take you.

Stay strong today.

thomas11

If you don't mind sharing, what are you afraid of? Where does the fear come from?

Wastinglife

Sounds like we are the same type of drunks RJY9. Sober, I am a pretty humble and laid-back guy. Never got in a fight. Give me enough to drink, and I morph into a raging lunatic ready to fight the world. My therapist says I have a lot of repressed anger from childhood and when my inhibitions are down from the booze, I lash out. Makes sense. I don't always get aggressive when I drink but I never know when a blackout could happen. It's like im a ticking timebomb that can go off at any moment.

People like us can't drink like most people put unfortunately. We just have to accept that. Put this behind you and move on. Back on track!

WalleyeHunter

Relapses happen. It's happened to me before as well. I'd watch my Mom go a year without drinking and then go weeks on end drinking again. You can and will beat this RJ. I have confidence in you. You have it within you to beat this addiction once and for all. Your not a bad person and I know the depression that comes and the horrible feelings that come after a relapse but we can't let it get the best of us. Day 2 is the second day of the rest of your life. Live it to the fullest and take it one day at a time . Each day you don't drink is a win.

Dee74

Welcome back RJY

Many of us floundered a time or two. It's hard to get the amount of time effort and dedication right sometimes.

Never forget relapse is part of addiction, not part of recovery tho.
You can put them behind you and you need never feel this way again

You've shown that you can be sober - you just need to tinker a little with things to make it a permanent change.

Do a little diagnostic work - look at what kind of things, feelings or situation led you to drink again.

Did you have support - did you use it?

Do you need to make more changes to your life, or your way of thinking?

Anyone can stay sober. You can do this - don't get discouraged RJY

D