Getting a little nervous
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Getting a little nervous
I'm starting to get into that feeling good stage and as someone else posted the other day, that is dangerous. I just don't want to fail again. And again.
I had an amazing dream last night. I had some trouble falling asleep last night, I think because I got into bed so early. In any case, I spent a good long time thinking over a lot of things. The girl I connected with in AA told me that I really should take much more time to get through steps 1-3, which I didn't understand but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt as she's got 9 years sober and I'm still trying to get mere days under my belt. So last night I was giving that all I've got while laying in bed. Just repeating over and over that I am an alcoholic, really going through each word and thought of how my life is unmanageable. I really focussed on asking for help from anyone, anywhere, any higher power out there. Anyway, after I fell asleep I started to dream that someone, something really was there to help me and would help free me from this struggle. It was very comforting. But it was also just a dream. I know that real world action is what really matters now.
I don't want to get complacent so I am here just to acknowledge my worry in an effort to combat any slips backwards due to feeling to comfortable.
I'm staying busy today. I had an English lesson this morning followed by some work with the villas. Now I am doing a totally annoying translation. They sent the file in pdf even though I clearly said I do not do translations in pdf, it must be a word file. It takes at least twice as long to do and I get paid by the word, not the time…. oh well, maybe it is a good thing in the end.
In a couple of hours I plan to take a break and ride my bike to the gym, do a tough workout and then hopefully finish this translation by this evening. I've already decided if I finish it by tonight I will treat myself by taking an evening walk to the gelateria (totally opposite direction of the bar, by the way, not that I'm feeling tempted by that right now, but I don't want to take any risks)
Back to work!
I had an amazing dream last night. I had some trouble falling asleep last night, I think because I got into bed so early. In any case, I spent a good long time thinking over a lot of things. The girl I connected with in AA told me that I really should take much more time to get through steps 1-3, which I didn't understand but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt as she's got 9 years sober and I'm still trying to get mere days under my belt. So last night I was giving that all I've got while laying in bed. Just repeating over and over that I am an alcoholic, really going through each word and thought of how my life is unmanageable. I really focussed on asking for help from anyone, anywhere, any higher power out there. Anyway, after I fell asleep I started to dream that someone, something really was there to help me and would help free me from this struggle. It was very comforting. But it was also just a dream. I know that real world action is what really matters now.
I don't want to get complacent so I am here just to acknowledge my worry in an effort to combat any slips backwards due to feeling to comfortable.
I'm staying busy today. I had an English lesson this morning followed by some work with the villas. Now I am doing a totally annoying translation. They sent the file in pdf even though I clearly said I do not do translations in pdf, it must be a word file. It takes at least twice as long to do and I get paid by the word, not the time…. oh well, maybe it is a good thing in the end.
In a couple of hours I plan to take a break and ride my bike to the gym, do a tough workout and then hopefully finish this translation by this evening. I've already decided if I finish it by tonight I will treat myself by taking an evening walk to the gelateria (totally opposite direction of the bar, by the way, not that I'm feeling tempted by that right now, but I don't want to take any risks)
Back to work!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
I'm starting to get into that feeling good stage and as someone else posted the other day, that is dangerous. I just don't want to fail again. And again. I had an amazing dream last night. I had some trouble falling asleep last night, I think because I got into bed so early. In any case, I spent a good long time thinking over a lot of things. The girl I connected with in AA told me that I really should take much more time to get through steps 1-3, which I didn't understand but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt as she's got 9 years sober and I'm still trying to get mere days under my belt. So last night I was giving that all I've got while laying in bed. Just repeating over and over that I am an alcoholic, really going through each word and thought of how my life is unmanageable. I really focussed on asking for help from anyone, anywhere, any higher power out there. Anyway, after I fell asleep I started to dream that someone, something really was there to help me and would help free me from this struggle. It was very comforting. But it was also just a dream. I know that real world action is what really matters now. I don't want to get complacent so I am here just to acknowledge my worry in an effort to combat any slips backwards due to feeling to comfortable. I'm staying busy today. I had an English lesson this morning followed by some work with the villas. Now I am doing a totally annoying translation. They sent the file in pdf even though I clearly said I do not do translations in pdf, it must be a word file. It takes at least twice as long to do and I get paid by the word, not the time…. oh well, maybe it is a good thing in the end. In a couple of hours I plan to take a break and ride my bike to the gym, do a tough workout and then hopefully finish this translation by this evening. I've already decided if I finish it by tonight I will treat myself by taking an evening walk to the gelateria (totally opposite direction of the bar, by the way, not that I'm feeling tempted by that right now, but I don't want to take any risks) Back to work!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Good for planning and being mindful , it will keep your thinking present all day. I assume you have a few days, at least without drinking, have you ever tried the free crash course on the Rational Recovery website? It only takes a few minutes and it helped me align a good perspective, wouldn't hurt to check it out.
I'm pretty familiar with my AV , and the way it thinks , and the 'other' thought entities it can spawn like rationalization voice, justification voice, comparative voice all those guys. Anyway perhaps its nothing but, mine picked up on your 'every word' comment and hit on unmanageable. For a long time the RV and the JV liked this one and they teamed up with CV all the time, "you're employed, able to keep a roof over your head, not in jail, yada yada ect ect, so is it really that bad? " or even "take some time get it back to more manageable and then.. "
Could be off base, sorry not pointing this out to critise or offend, just my AV antenna
I'm pretty familiar with my AV , and the way it thinks , and the 'other' thought entities it can spawn like rationalization voice, justification voice, comparative voice all those guys. Anyway perhaps its nothing but, mine picked up on your 'every word' comment and hit on unmanageable. For a long time the RV and the JV liked this one and they teamed up with CV all the time, "you're employed, able to keep a roof over your head, not in jail, yada yada ect ect, so is it really that bad? " or even "take some time get it back to more manageable and then.. "
Could be off base, sorry not pointing this out to critise or offend, just my AV antenna
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I'm starting to get into that feeling good stage...
Stay strong.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Mera keep at it with AA as they really have such a good resource of sobriety
You can do this if at any stage you feel like drinking just remember how much alcohol has robbed off you always reach out get through every craving trust me your feel better and better for it
Keep using your sobriety tools & keep adding to them by reinforcing your sobriety learning & accepting
Alcohol has no right to chain any of us down
Your amazing my Italian friend
You can do this if at any stage you feel like drinking just remember how much alcohol has robbed off you always reach out get through every craving trust me your feel better and better for it
Keep using your sobriety tools & keep adding to them by reinforcing your sobriety learning & accepting
Alcohol has no right to chain any of us down
Your amazing my Italian friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks for the support everyone. I'm feeling good. I had a nice long bike ride to the gym, had a great workout, biked back. I stopped at a little market to pick up some things for dinner. It is gorgeous here today so I think we'll eat outside. I AM fighting off a major temptation right now though….. for the slices of pear and chocolate tart that I bought for dessert. Do.not.eat.it.now!
I am also nearly done with the translation, so if the cake I couldn't resist in the shop doesn't give me my fill of dessert I'll take that walk to get a gelato.
I am also nearly done with the translation, so if the cake I couldn't resist in the shop doesn't give me my fill of dessert I'll take that walk to get a gelato.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
I also do translations and hate getting them in PDF!!
How long have you been sober? Sounds like you're doing really well. In early days mood swings were very normal for me and I could be really up one minute but down the next. Maybe be prepared for that? Not sure where you are on your journey?
How long have you been sober? Sounds like you're doing really well. In early days mood swings were very normal for me and I could be really up one minute but down the next. Maybe be prepared for that? Not sure where you are on your journey?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
It is SO annoying, isn't it amp? I clearly specify that files must be sent in word and usually insist that they re-send it in word if it arrives in pdf, but this is for one of my English students, he's preparing to move to Australia and needed his CV, cover letter and some documents translated…. he's a good kid, I let this one slide as the word count wasn't enormous. Generally though i outright refuse, it just increases the time by too much and doesn't make what I charge per word worth it. I assume your word pair is Spanish>English?
I'm at the start. I've been posting here for over a year but haven't found my way out. I'm nearing double digits, but have been here before so I am feeling afraid and nervous. I cannot take anymore. I just can't. I'm exhausted and just want out of this cycle. So, I'm hoping and feeling positive but don't want to get too confident.
I'm at the start. I've been posting here for over a year but haven't found my way out. I'm nearing double digits, but have been here before so I am feeling afraid and nervous. I cannot take anymore. I just can't. I'm exhausted and just want out of this cycle. So, I'm hoping and feeling positive but don't want to get too confident.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Yes, Spanish-English/English-Spanish is what I do. Just a side line for me though.
Congratulations on a solid start to recovery. Have you joined the August 2015 class group? I find that my group is always my first line of defence because we're all on the same page. I'm also a fan of the One Year and Under group. There's a lot of good wisdom available there.
The mood swings faded for me at around two and a half months and I was so pleased to see the back of them. I have learned a lot since I started out and it's thanks in a huge part to the wisdom and advice which I have received here. While it is important to not become complacent, I think an element of self belief is vital too. After all, you have to believe that you CAN do this. One thing that always rings true with me is that while I can't control what may happen after I have a first drink, I do totally control whether I have that drink or not. That means I am in control of my disease. That thought just on its own is power. Also, when you do feel temptations and cravings try "playing the tape forward". Something along the lines of, " OK, so I have the ice cold beer now and another two or three. I probably go by the shop on my way back to the flat and pick up a six pack and a bottle of wine. A few beers before I eat and wine with dinner (if I can be bothered to cook). Finish all the drink and fall asleep or go out looking for more. Wake up (hopefully at home) in a spiral of agony and guilt having let down all of those who have supported me for the last 4 months. Go online and admit what I've done if I'm not too busy dry-heaving in the toilet. Hope my wife doesn't kick me out of home and apologise. Avoid the looks on my kids faces, etc, etc...."
Well, to be honest, I don't normally have to play the tape all the way to the end before I make a strong positive decision!!!!
Stay strong and be kind to yourself, mate! Enjoy the happy times and take note of them for next time you feel like taking that drink
Congratulations on a solid start to recovery. Have you joined the August 2015 class group? I find that my group is always my first line of defence because we're all on the same page. I'm also a fan of the One Year and Under group. There's a lot of good wisdom available there.
The mood swings faded for me at around two and a half months and I was so pleased to see the back of them. I have learned a lot since I started out and it's thanks in a huge part to the wisdom and advice which I have received here. While it is important to not become complacent, I think an element of self belief is vital too. After all, you have to believe that you CAN do this. One thing that always rings true with me is that while I can't control what may happen after I have a first drink, I do totally control whether I have that drink or not. That means I am in control of my disease. That thought just on its own is power. Also, when you do feel temptations and cravings try "playing the tape forward". Something along the lines of, " OK, so I have the ice cold beer now and another two or three. I probably go by the shop on my way back to the flat and pick up a six pack and a bottle of wine. A few beers before I eat and wine with dinner (if I can be bothered to cook). Finish all the drink and fall asleep or go out looking for more. Wake up (hopefully at home) in a spiral of agony and guilt having let down all of those who have supported me for the last 4 months. Go online and admit what I've done if I'm not too busy dry-heaving in the toilet. Hope my wife doesn't kick me out of home and apologise. Avoid the looks on my kids faces, etc, etc...."
Well, to be honest, I don't normally have to play the tape all the way to the end before I make a strong positive decision!!!!
Stay strong and be kind to yourself, mate! Enjoy the happy times and take note of them for next time you feel like taking that drink
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