Hobbers

And so, here we go again.

I didn't do very good these past several weeks. Good days and bad days. Often, the 'good day' would be a hang over, that I didn't try to 'fix' by more drinking.

I am really struggling, gang, and I have got to figure something out. There ARE plenty of times I can go out and 'socially drink' at work functions or whatnot. My struggles/my demon is when I am home alone (a lot lately- my wife travels a lot not), and I just decide 'screw it', and go grab a bottle, and drink the whole thing (usually while playing video games).

I can't do AA, so this is about as close (here) to 'A Program' as I have. you all are stuck with me. (thank you- all of you.)

I feel lousy, and lousy about myself. I just can't get past the toughest questions, and I just can't (totally) let alcohol go. I feel- truly- happiest when I have an ice cold beer or gin and tonic with friends or coworkers. I just wish that, the next day, when home alone, I didn't than ALSO drink a whole bottle of booze.


Today.../sigh.... is (another) Day 1. I won't drink today. I will try to not drink tomorrow. I hope to make it through the weekend.

But I won't drink today.

Anna

Therein lies your problem, Hobbers. I used to wish that, too, but I know and you know it doesn't work. Are you ready to accept that you can never drink again, because if so, you will be able to do this? My hardest time was drinking at home alone and I know it can be a huge trigger, but you can plan ways to deal with it. What are you willing to do?

ItWillBeWorthIt

Welcome back Hobbers... it sounds to me that you will have to cut alcohol completed out of your life. You are drinking alone, which is a huge sign of a drinking problem. The sooner you accept that you will have better days more frequently.

Wishing you the very best.

ScottFromWI

Sobriety has to be an all-or-nothing proposition Hobbers. If you continue to think that it's OK to go out and drink socially but somehow stay sober when you are home alone you are going to continue to be stuck in the same cycle.

If you can't ( or is it won't ? ) do AA, that's fine - but you have to make a commitment to some kind of plan or regimen. And just about every plan I'm aware of requires your first step to be acceptance/commitment to total abstinence. Are you ready to take that step? If so SR is of courses a great place to find support, there are daily and monthly class threads and chat meetings, all kinds of accountability type activities.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Hobbers.

SR is a great tool; have you ever joined a Class - the Class of August is just getting underway. The 24 Hour Recovery Connection is a great thread for support and daily commitment to sobriety.

You mentioned that you can't do AA; do you have a practical or philosophical reason for not giving it a try. I have never utilized AA either so I am not advocating one program or method - just wondering, as AA has helped many people.

Have you considered SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, RR/AVRT, face-to-face addiction counseling ?

Very glad that you are back, Hobbers.

Hobbers

I know, I know. I hear you. I really do. I just can't get my brain there- totally.


I have been a part of the August 2014 Class thread (everyone is cheerfully celebrating their 1-Year dates- which is awesome!) .

AA- I have tried it, quite a bit. I probably did 45-50 meetings in the past 18 months. I just don't feel a connection to it, and much of it outright turns me off. I don't want to turn this into another AA debate (and I totally do know that it works for lots of folks).

Anyone here try the HAMS/Harm Reduction stuff? I'm also looking into CBT with my therapist.

ScottFromWI

Harm reduction involves controlled drinking, so it's not something that an alcoholic can do - thus not a subject that is open for discussion here.

SoberLeigh

I have seen CBT come up on many threads. Maybe try searching CBT under the Search function.

Hobbers

Hevyn

You haven't given up on wanting a better life, Hobbers. That's what counts. We're so glad to see you back.

blueberry2015

I agree if you have a problem with drink the only way forward is to abstain.... for good. Ive tried all the cutting down blah blah stuff nothing worked eventually Id end up drunk. If you want to abstain then you have really really got to be ready and only you can decide when the time is right. Complete abstinence will require professional help. If AA is not for you then thats ok you've at least tried it but now you have to look at another plan of action. Look to what is available to you, speak to your doctor, look for a therapist etc support is out there for you but I have found you have to look for it and WANT to do it x

LiberatedStorm

Hi Hobbers. It's definitely a difficult thing to do. It's doable though. Be strong and I promise you it will be worth it!

BringingBackB

Hi Hobbers
It is a well perpetuated myth that AA is the only way to recover from alcohol problems. There are a myriad of alternatives and I would encourage you to see which one fits you best SMART, Lifering, SOS, AVRT, CBT, just to name a few.

As Scott says, it's an all or nothing commitment. I tried for years doing it on a toe dipped in the water basis, and it always brought me back to the same horrible place. It got a bit easier (so far!) when I just firmly committed.

I wish you the best.

Soberwolf

Welcome back Hobbers i 5000% agree with Annas post

Hobbers

Today, is Day 2. Made it. If I can make it to Monday, I might actually feel good/better/ about myself.

I made a plan to hang out with pretty much the only sober-sober friend I have on Sunday (racetrack), so that is something. He's got nearly two years in, and with a tough break-out in there to boot. Maybe he can give me some advice that'll stick. Or, maybe.... just maybe... we'll even have some fun while not drinking.

I had 5 months, and nearly 6 months in sober-time before, and each time, the end result was 'I don't enjoy this. I still feel like crap all the time, just a different kind. I do/try to do things I enjoy, but they aren't as fun as when I was drinking- they 'had no savor' anymore, if that makes sense. That all came back, to a degree, when I would/could/managed to do controlled drinking.

It's those lonely quiet nights alone in front of the TV, with a bottle of booze and nothing to do that are my problem times, mostly.

UGH!


Anyway.... today is Day 2. I am aiming to make it through the weekend. Prayers, wish me luck, whatever. Thank you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Hobbers!!

SoberLeigh

Welcome to Day 2, Hobbers; congratulations.

ScottFromWI

Great job on Day 2 hobbers. The first few days are always the toughest from a physical standpoint. If your friend has 2 years sober I'd definitely ask for some of his experience and insight. Don't forget that SR is always here 24/7 and the forums are active - you can always log on instead of watching TV.

Hobbers

I just had a small/huge victory- I discovered (totally by accident) a partly full bottle of Knob Creek while cleaning.

I stared at it. I got pissed at myself (for a thousand reasons), and.... I sinked it.


Then, I walked away, and went back to work.


Still good on Day 2.

1dayaddatime

So Hobbers? Why not use the same determination to not drink today, for tomorrow and every day after. That's what help gets me through the day. That and praying. As soon as I think about drinking, I immediately start thinking of something else, and for some reason drinking lots of water helps curb my cravings. Much luck to you my friend!!
"1dayaddatime"