Mango blast

I had a good morning, but was excruciatingly lonely this afternoon, very sad and felt very lost. I've felt this way before, but this was the first time I've reached out for help. Maybe because it's no longer my view of being a normal-okay-thing, and I'm no longer using "ignoring myself", "stuffing my emotions" or "putting myself last" as survival tools.

My sponsor said it's this "dis-ease" wanting to shame me for sharing and connecting with others. That it was trying to seduce me into isolation.

She had me contact several Alanon members, tell them what was going on with me and send a text message back to her to let her know who I contacted. Not for disclosure, but so I'd have to go through with it. Wise move!

The last person I was going to call answered. She listened, supported and could relate. For everyone else,I left voice messages telling them exactly what was going on with me.

I've received text messages and voice mails back, also full of support. I was feeling better, yet self-isolating would be so easy right now. One member made arrangements to talk with me tomorrow. Maybe she knew.

Another member I may not hear back from, but that's okay. I hadn't expected to hear back from anyone!

I also sent an email to someone I was on an Alanon event committee with. More understanding and support. He went through the same thing on Thursday, was feeling better by the second call, and reminded me that we're only as sick as our secrets.

It's okay for me to be alone and still in good company. Too much aloneness isn't good for me, because it slips easily into isolation. When I'm not good company for myself, I'm so grateful to have others supporting me! I've always felt socially awkward -- that's starting to change. I'm finding healing in being accepted as I am, flaws and all.

Mango blast

One member shared in a voicemail that it's ironic we think isolation is the cure for loneliness. I laughed with relief! I hadn't told anyone how I wanted to drop my sponsor, hole up, distance myself - - yet they knew just how I'd been feeling!

Posting here since SR is a great part of my support network.

maia1234

KTF- Hugs my friend. I sit here alone also. I had never been alone, but its ok trying to get to know me. Its hard to do, but I sure don't want to get into another relationship before I take the time and find out who I am.

Good for you for reaching out. We do care and support you 100 percent. You will be ok!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((ktf))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))

schnappi99

The people ive gotten to know in alanon and aa are great, I look forward to seeing them every week. Its the first time ive ever shared so much with so many. Its interesting how much reaching out to others and getting to know their stories clarifies mine.

Mango blast

Went to a church service this morning, so-so. It was good to greet people, shake hands, share hugs.

Went to an AA meeting afterwards. Arrived still wanting to isolate. Early on said I'd better tell them what was going on, that my sponsor had told me to tell others in the program. Somewhere during subsequent shares I felt okay, my mind settled down and I could even laugh and relate to some jokes they thought only alkies would understand. Very good shares and insights. Things I needed to hear.

hopeful4

It's really easy to isolate, which easily leads to depression. I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there, even when it's hard.

Many hugs to you! XXX

Faith001

I can so relate to this! It's very true that our first instinct is to isolate when we're going through feelings of intense loneliness. That's exactly the time we should reach out, share our feelings just as you've done. Thanks for posting this as I find it's a topic that's uncomfortable for many, often we feel we're the only ones going through this. Been an extremely difficult time lately re feeling lonely, isolated as I've recently moved, cut off some toxic relationships with friends & family to make a "fresh start". Know 100% this was the right thing for me to do but didn't expect it to be so difficult now! You've inspired me to go back to Alanon as I've found it difficult before to relate to some members as most have AH there & I have a RAD. Thank you!

NYCDoglvr

BRAVO!! Reaching out for help is admittedly difficult but so rewarding. Even though I've been in recovery for over two decades my tenancy is still to isolate but I've learned to not listen to the "dis-ease". It's a program of action. We can't think our way out of the feelings of self-hate and low self esteem. I guarantee that you helped each person you contacted. The women I sponsor are huge gifts because when they call it gets me out of my own head. And when I suggest a recovery tool to them I'm reminding myself to use it This is how it works!

Mango blast

This old thread is a great reminder for me of how far I've come. I've made great progress in healing from a huge amount of trauma... much more than I've realized.

Old sadnesses feel like crap when they come up, yet they need to be released instead of stuffed down. Reading this thread, I remember going through intense long periods of sadness, yet now when this hits it's not as painful, much easier to deal with and I recover my emotional balance fairly quickly.

I also now have great hope, as I know that each season and each year is now getting better and better.

Sasha1972

I'm really glad that AlAnon has proven so fulfilling for you. I still find it too intimidating to ask other AlAnon members if I can contact them in times of need. Part of it is not wanting to be a burden on someone else, part of it is also my own ego - I've spent so much time being invested in the person who can handle everything, no problem, I'm doing fine, etc., that it's almost physically painful to say "I would really like to share some of my struggles with someone else because it feels really heavy to be carrying it on my own". That's one for my "searching and fearless moral inventory", I guess.